Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be jealous?

65 replies

ScarlettB18 · 22/09/2016 14:04

Hi everyone,

I'm currently 26 weeks pregnant and just found out my SIL is pregnant.

I'm really happy for her and my brother but at the same time a bit sad because this is my first baby (their second) and I don't want any attention taken away from my baby.

I feel like I'll have my baby then only a few months later their baby will be here and mine will be forgotten about? am I being a pregnant psycho?! I am really happy for them and excited just a bit sad that it might take away from my pregnancy/newborn etc?

OP posts:
LokisUnderpants · 22/09/2016 14:05

yeah .... psycho is my bet.

Ilovewillow · 22/09/2016 14:08

I can understand why you might feel like it but as my mum says she didn't start to love her first grandchild any less when another one came along!

ichoosesleep · 22/09/2016 14:08

Having a baby just for attention is a very silly idea

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 22/09/2016 14:09

YABU but I felt the same when it happened to me so get where you're coming from. It didn't help my feelings when they found out they were having the first girl in the family for 30 years!

phillipp · 22/09/2016 14:10

When you got pregnant did you worry that you were asking attention away from their first?

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 22/09/2016 14:10

Oh but the whole taking away attention from my PFB didn't happen. We ended up going to toddler groups etc together and now the DC get on like siblings and argue like siblings

Cocklodger · 22/09/2016 14:10

Seriously?
did you have your baby just for attention or something... why do you even care

BrieAndChilli · 22/09/2016 14:11

There's only 3 weeks between my nephew (1st child) and my DS2 (3rd child). I was a bit wary at first that I was stealing my sisters thunder but the boys have grown up the best of friends, Also as it was my 3rd I wasn't bothered about people visiting (welcomed the peace and quiet!) and also wasn't so absorbed with the baby and the milestones etc.

EdmundCleverClogs · 22/09/2016 14:11

Sorry but you are being very unreasonable and quite self involved. Your family will love your child as much as any new baby, what do you expect to be 'taken away'? I'm afraid you need to get a grip.

Swearwolf · 22/09/2016 14:12

That was a bit harsh Loki

I understand, my oldest and his cousin are only a few months apart too and I also worried about him getting overlooked. It's got much easier as they've got older as they are very different people, and each have different relationships with their grandparents. And as mine was older, he was doing more at a time when my nephew was still a wee blob lying on the floor.

I think you're in a better position here too as your baby will be older, and you're the daughter whereas she's married into the family. Yours will definitely get plenty of attention.

So, I get you, it's understandable but this feeling will pass and honestly it will be fine. My boy and nephew absolutely adore each other too!

HandmaidsTail · 22/09/2016 14:12

Ok, with kindness, you need to get a very tight hold of a grip.

This is your niece or nephew. Your baby's cousin. It will be lovely for them to grow up together.

Hopefully just the pregnancy hormones talking. Flowers

Hensintheskirting · 22/09/2016 14:13

Or, your baby will have a cousin really close in age - they will grow up together and always play nicely and have loads of fun together. You and SIL will be able to bond over your sleeplessness and baby woes and joys. The grandparents will massively spoil all of their grandchildren and everyone will be so happy because all babies are little miracles and wonderful bundles of scrumptiousness.

Buzzardbird · 22/09/2016 14:13

I wonder if she feels the same? Probably not, because she is an adult.

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP, but you going to have to have a word with yourself.

waitingforsomething · 22/09/2016 14:14

You are being ridiculous. Sorry but you are. Forgotten by who? Your baby won't be forgotten about by you or any of your immediate family just because another baby is born a short while later.

Creativemode · 22/09/2016 14:15

No, you're being very silly I'm afraid.

There's a few months between my ds and my niece. Sil was pregnant shortly after me.

It's been wonderful for the cousins to be the same age and they love each other very much.

This is a wonderful thing for you and your baby.

Do you get on with sil?

Original poster
ScarlettB18 · 22/09/2016 14:19

hahaha okay I guess I'm a pregnant psycho!

Me and sister in law get on really well I was actually her best friend for years at school before she got with my brother!

I am happy my baby will have a little mate to play with, I just didn't want anyone to forget about my baby? I know it's stupid everyone will love both babies equally the same, think I'm just having an emotional dayGrin

Thanks for the kick up the ass everyoneWine

OP posts:
Sparklesilverglitter · 22/09/2016 14:20

I do think it's a little silly, sil wouldn't of got pregnant to take any attention away from you, when ttc it happenes when it happens!

There will be enough attention for both your baby and your sil, so no need to worry

Comejointhemurder · 22/09/2016 14:23

No-one will care about your baby more than you; attention won't be taken away by another baby in the family!.

And it is a teensy bit weird to worry about attention being taken away from your baby.

Creativemode · 22/09/2016 14:27

Don't worry one day these thought will seem so insignificant.

Enjoy your pregnancy Flowers

Original poster
ScarlettB18 · 22/09/2016 14:28

I think I've always been a bit of a black sheep of the family, for example moved into my own place at 18 (was half forced out) whereas my brother,SIL and my sister all got to stay at home well into their early 20s. Also I always seem to get left out of family things because I think me and my partner just have a very different life to the rest of my family? I'm seen as the "clever" one and they all think I'm a very capable person so I always get less help, attention etc with things, I don't think this happens on purpose it's just because my brother and sister need more help than I do, so I guess I'm worried I won't get much help with the baby even though I feel ill need lots of support? Hope that helps you all to understand a bit more why I was worried!

OP posts:
Mynestisfullofempty · 22/09/2016 14:32

You're just trying to justify yourself now OP and failing IMO.

Gottagetmoving · 22/09/2016 14:34

You may find yourself on here moaning that relatives are interfering too much when your baby is born.
You may want attention now and when the baby is first born, but may find it gets annoying when others are giving unasked for advice all the time and wanting to see the baby all the time.
Sounds ideal to me to have another baby in the family to share the focus of other family members.

Original poster
ScarlettB18 · 22/09/2016 14:35

lol not trying to justify myself at all, I'm 18, first baby, work full time, baby has had complications and I have had complications in this pregnancy also trying to juggle a diploma and moving out into a bigger house.

Don't really feel like I have to justify myself to strangers but if you must know yes I am stressed, hormonal and probably a bit unreasonable at the moment :)

OP posts:
Creativemode · 22/09/2016 14:37

That's understandable.

Families are rarely straightforward. Sure things might crop up but cross that bridge when you come to it.

You have no idea how things will be once your baby arrives, it's might completely change the family dynamics, on the other hand you might cope really well and be glad not to have interference.

Try not to worry now though you're making your own family.

musicposy · 22/09/2016 14:38

It'll be fine. DSis had her first just three months after I had my second. It didn't detract from DD2 at all. DD2 and DNephew had the most amazing childhood together, played together, got on well, grew up together, celebrated stuff together. It was like an extra sibling for her but with much less of the fighting.

I know how you feel (I too am the one who seems to get no help and can "cope") but in the end there were only positives and no negatives. Believe you me, once you're going through sleepless nights, teething, potty training, developmental worries, weaning etc etc you'll be really, really, spectacularly grateful for someone you are close to going through the same stuff at the same time.

Push those jealous feelings aside - don't ruin what could and will be wonderful for your baby. Enjoy the future you have ahead. Flowers

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.