To be jealous?

[ScarlettB18]

Hi everyone,

I'm currently 26 weeks pregnant and just found out my SIL is pregnant.

I'm really happy for her and my brother but at the same time a bit sad because this is my first baby (their second) and I don't want any attention taken away from my baby.

I feel like I'll have my baby then only a few months later their baby will be here and mine will be forgotten about? am I being a pregnant psycho?! I am really happy for them and excited just a bit sad that it might take away from my pregnancy/newborn etc?

This place has gone fucking hun netmums/FB page. FFS. Stop digging a hole. You're being very unreasonable and silly and immature.

and I don't want any attention taken away from my baby.

You mean you. You don't want attention taken from you. Your baby has no concept at all of any of the attention it will or won't get. It doesn't need attention from anyone other than its parents.

I don't want any attention taken away from my baby

I get you saying youre stressed and hormonal but not why it would make you think like this! There's obviously more to it.

I think what I said has been taken a bit too literally, I am not sitting here reciting satanic rituals, cursing the day my niece or nephew is born!

I am happy for them and excited, just a bit worried I won't get as much help and attention that I'll be wanting/needing off my family

How you feel is how you feel. It's not something you wake up and choose one day.

If you've always been the odd one out in your family and felt like the least supported and dare I say it... Loved..?

Then I can see why you were looking forward to having a bit of special centre of attention time. Is it a bit immature? Yes but so what, you're pregnant, on plenty of other threads women are told they're allowed to be a bit precious when pregnant.

There's a big enough gap between due dates that your baby won't be overshadowed so try to swallow those feelings down and enjoy sharing this time with your SIL / best friend

I really hate 'hormonal' as any excuses for ridiculousness in pregnancy. Crying over a silly TV program is 'hormonal', suddenly forgetting your own details like your address is 'hormonal'. Worrying your baby won't be as 'special' as another baby is not hormonal, it's the behaviour of someone who thinks their child themselves deserves to be treated with 'special attention'. Drip-feeding doesn't help.

On the flip side when I was pregnant with our DC1 (and the first grandchild for both mine and DH family) no one was allowed to be happy for me because SIL is older than me and I was stealing her thunder by getting pregnant first.

Cue MIL and SIL both ignoring me whilst pregnant, said pregnancy being a taboo subject I wasn't aloud to bring up and refusing to visit DS for the first two weeks of his life.

SIL is now pregnant and I'm thrilled for her. Can't wait to tell her DC2 is due 6 months after hers

Other people's pregnancies do seem to bring out an interesting colour in some people.

edmund I used to think the same as you but having been totally floored by hormones in my second pregnancy and whilst on the pill i can confidently say that hormones can be a total bastard and I honestly couldn't explain why I felt a certain way at times. It was actually quite scary.

Oh bless you OP you have got alot going on.

With your family if they used to you always being really self sufficent it might be a good idea to talk to your parents before the baby comes along and just tell them that you've been having some worrys and you wondered if they'd be there to help you out if you needed them to.

I bet they'll jump at the chance!

Congratulations on your pregnancy and easier said than done I know but try not to worry,I bet you'll surprise youself once your LO is here with just how well you do.

And if you are ever worried and want a hand to hold or some help and advice just come on here,there's tons of us that have been where you are now.

I had my first when I was 20 and I had full blown pre eclampsia and I thought that's it I'm never having any more and now I'm a Mum to 5DC!
Whatever it is your ever worried about or need help with there's bound to be at least a few women on here that have been through the same before.

Being as it's your SIL's and Brothers second child and your so close to your SIL it'll be lovely for your LO's,they'll be able to grow up as cousins as well as friends.

If you think about it a bit more, it's not actually jealousy you're feeling but a bit of trepidation or nervousness. You're wondering how it will all go, how will your relationship with SIL and your brother change, how will others relate to your babies....will they compare them etc.

Don't even think about all that though. It's fine! You will be happy and the babies will be completely different people....with their own set of personality traits.

Are you your Mum's first daughter to have a child?

Wow harsh. I don't think it's at all unreasonable for a ftm to feel nervous and want a little support from family with her baby. I agree with Violet that it's not exactly jealousy at all and given your family circumstances it's understandable that you are a little anxious. Fwiw I think you might find its a good thing long term the bubs will be very close and I wish you all the best I have had several complicated pregnancies so here's some and

I think this is about your feelings about your family.

You said you moved out at 18, partially pushed out. In the same year you have got pregnant with your first.

If what you say about being the black sheep is right, that's going to have far more impact on you and child than your dbro and sil child is.

You are being ridiculous but I think you know that. How much 'attention' do you need? How long after your baby is born would it have been acceptable for her to have one?

My DS and my DN are very close in age (DN is several months younger) and it never crossed my mind to worry that the 'attention' might be deflected by the new baby. If anything it's really nice to have cousins the same age and I was quite glad that the gradparents would be sticking their noses into somebody else's child-rearing methods instead of mine! As it has turned out in our family DS is the clear favourite with the grandparents anyway, but I've absolutely no idea why this is, maybe because he is a boy like their own golden child? But either way, don't worry - they are still sticking their noses in just the same as before DN was born and I'm sure yours will too.

Don't siblings usually start having babies around the same time? When I was growing up I had at least 4 cousins around the same age as me as did my siblings.

My DB (8y older than me) and SIL had been TTC for 4 years when I announced my pregnancy with DC1, tge first grandchild.

SIL cried, not happy tears, when I announced I was pg. I can understand and have empathy.

Then...

She announced she was pregnant a year or do later. Problem I faced was I'd taken a positive pregnancy test 2 says before her announcement. I was pg too. I actuslly felt guilty for being pregant and for stealing her thunder again.

We decided to wait 3 more months before announcing our pregnancy with DC2. A big factor in doing this was giving DB and SIL thier glory.

We ended up both having boys, 3 weeks apart. Although we don't live close the boys are really close and 10 years on, thier friendship is lovely to see. I'm glad they were born so close in age. Especially during the pre-school years when my mum babysat both of them.

You are being petty, being 18 is not an excuse. If you were forced out of your home at 18 why even bother wanting their help?! Just grow up a bit the baby is your responsibility not theirs so don't rely on help from anyone else!

YANBU at all but try and find positives. You can share special moments and your children will be close in age.

We were the first to have kids and when we were having our last the first of another relative came along and about a dozen children soon followed. I feel like mine were old news before they'd been current news but I know that's me being daft and I had PND.

I would have loved to have a friend/sil near me having a baby at the same time. I had no family or friends near me and it was a very lonely experience. Didn't really mean to sound so woe is me; it's just that you may appreciate having people with babies around you when the babies are young.

There are 6 months between DS and my darling DNeph.
It has been a joy to watch them grow up together, the best of friends. DS has been away at Uni for 2 weeks. DNeph is so bereft he is making the 300 mile round trip this weekend for some bro time...

There is 3months between my friends dc and her dsis dc. No one in their family cared. The sisters dont speak but no one got more attentiom than the other.

OP did you get pregnant to try and get back in your families favour after being pushed out of the family home or were you pushed out because you are pregnant?

Seems way too immature to be having a baby.

Ah leave the lass alone man how many people on here have felt that siblings were favoured over them all their life and how well into adulthood it affected them?

And hormones do bloody exist, show me a woman who says they haven't felt extra vulnerable in some way, weepy, cravings, extra sensitive and so on when pre menstrual or pregnant and I'll show you a liar!