What do you secretly do, that would drive your partner mad if they knew?

[BelfastBloke]

I clear (her) hair from the plughole with her eyebrow tweezers.

Oh, and pee in our garden bushes. As does our son.

Great thread

I have the occasional smoke
drive too fast
Pee outside

LOL at the posts castigating the OP and his dirty, leaking penis. Gosh, should he even be allowed near kids?

Giant tweezers are a good idea. I'll get some. Would that be better than wasting Veet?

All I know about Veet is this famous review from Amazon: www.amazon.co.uk/review/R3GDDEL1SC1QQ5

Oh my word, Top review

There are a couple more reviews like that, but that's the most famous one.

Leave the hall light on when he's away. Watch films in bed with DS whilst he is away.meet friend for lunch to moan about both of our partners low sex drive, have a secret obsession with a certain band, tell people about his crazy alcoholic mother who regularly ruins the family life, give more money than he thinks to the church collection

Really! If they want to pee on their own bushes- let them! I let my boys pee in bushes and on trees that don't belong to us...it's just wee!

Watch trash tv - the real housewives etc
Sometimes leave windows open when I pop out
Sometimes I'll drop say a piece of carrot or something on the floor when I'm chopping, I'll check if he's looking if not I don't throw it away (if no one saw it, it didn't happen)
I don't wind dd for 10 minutes after a feed - I have no idea where he got this from, but he literally times 10 minutes when burping her

Drink maple syrup straight from the can.
Eat spoonfuls of warm duck fat from the duck Confit pan.
Put all the pans in the dishwasher instead of washing them up - and sometimes it's not even stacked Tetris-like!

What a lot of fuss over an al fresco wee.

Buy sweets and other goodies and hide them at the back of the cupboard until he's gone to bed.
If he goes away overnight I let (encourage) the cat to sleep on the bed with me he sometimes even sleeps under the covers.

Leave the front door unlocked sometimes so DD can come and go ..

Pay for things using my phone and anything that doesn't involve 1,000,000 secure socket layers or whatever.

let the kids eat McDonalds now and again.

Put my bag on the kitchen worktop. For reasons unknown this is verboten as bags are inherently dirty apparently. But given I have horrible joint issues I. Am. Not. Bending. Down.

I sometimes put the dishwasher on 2/3 full.

I'm living on the edge, I tell you.

Is no-one going to come on with something truly noteworthy, like: " I go dogging every weekend while he thinks I'm at the 24 hour Tesco"???

These are all very tame :D ;D

Sorry not to be radical enough for you shurley.

Maybe you could tell us a few craaaaazy things you do? I'm sure we're all ears to hear about your totes amazeballs experiences..

Not DH but visitors who make jokes about being thirsty if I don't offer tea/coffee immediately. Or just asshole visitors. I'm disabled so it's actually really fucking hard.
I'll use brown/icing sugar instead of normal if they ask. I put the milk in with the teabag. I use the coffee spoon for stirring tea and ... I'll feed my cat on the same surface I placed their cup on.
I only offer the biscuits I don't like. Nice visitors get a teaplate with a selection.

Venus that was a joke. Do try and remove that poker from your backside. See my previous post for details on my wild life....

All of these seem OK to me, not telling the most disgusting thing I do in comparison as it is really too bad, it's a secret I'll take to my grave! Next most gross things... Pick my nose and leave the bogies on the floor, socks as a duster thing, and yep to using food I've dropped on the floor, especially if it's going to be cooked anyway!

I use his bath towel, all the time, in secret. He hates it and I get a bollocking when he catches me.

The reason I do it is because he is much more organised than me and always puts it back over the radiator to dry after he uses it, right in reach of the shower for the next day (I don't, I leave mine upstairs, in a pile and forget about it). His is always clean dry and doesn't smell damp

Why don't u just piss on weeds?

I love to open all the drawers & cabinets in the kitchen. And just leave them open. ALL DAY. It's cathartic.

I don't lock my petrol cap. It's fiddly and I can't be arsed. It's a small car with a small tank and the worst that could happen is that someone would steal about £35 worth of petrol off me. I can live with that risk.

On the odd occasion that DP has had need to put petrol in my car, the next time I fill up, I find that he has locked it. He has never said anything but I know an unlocked petrol cap annoys him.

Ooh mistof now I want to know. On the rare occasions dd has an accident I've wiped up the wee with his clothes before putting them in the wash-only. Because he generates the most washing & his dirty stuff is nearer! I would love him to go out regularly so I can overindulge in crap tv, wine & crisps. I do it when he's here but it's just not the same

I spend ££££s on premium brand make up. I have led DH to believe that £25 is an average price for a lippy.

I use the tumble dryer All. The. Time. to iron clothes...just pop 2-3 items in at a time, and bingo...no need to iron, just smooth and hang 'em up.

I buy Ren skincare products for our DDs because I am a product junkie. He has been told all their friends use it (he thinks they should use soap and water).

Evelyn; if anyone else says they do it I will confess to the same but I doubt it as it's seriously grim

I drink from the bottle in the fridge, shhhhhh!

mistoffalees It's an anonymous forum, come on be brave. Own up.