What do you secretly do, that would drive your partner mad if they knew?

[BelfastBloke]

I clear (her) hair from the plughole with her eyebrow tweezers.

Oh, and pee in our garden bushes. As does our son.

Scoff cream cakes
Very occasionally smoke
Very very occasionally partake in recreational drugs
Ooh my favourite: Wee outside at night when camping rather than walk to the toilet block - it's lovely, once I saw an owl!

When my DS was 2ish and would nap in the afternoon if I really needed to wee Inwould do it in his potty rather than risk waking him up by going to the bathroom

DH is fully aware of most of my irritating habits but he probably would be a bit miffed to know that when he's away I always leave a light on all night. I also use the tumble dryer all the time instead of hanging washing out because it's just easier.

I use his beard trimmer to trim my pubic hair (and leg hair if I'm going out and have forgotten to shave). He's terrible for letting the battery go flat though, which is quite annoying - and defeats the idea of it being quicker and easier. Obviously I can't say anything though

Buy a custard slice if I'm in work all day and not bring one home for him, he's diabetic but loves sweet stuff.

Pick my nose and eat it. Have been doing it since childhood and I can't remember when I last had a stinking cold, just a few sneezes and that's my lot.

Hide my best chocolates in an empty flour box
Spoon condensed milk out of the tin.
Watch Real Housewives of Cheshire
Use DH's electric razor for my bikini line

I have no problem with anyone peeing in the garden, DH swears it's good for the compost.

Loads of things!

Fart, loud and proud.

Sniff my farts.

Shave my arm pits, legs and bikini line with his razor.

Eat a whole tub of Ben and Jerry's in one sitting.

Use his socks as a duster if I'm upstairs and can't be bothered to go downstairs to the cleaning cupboard.

Check out MN when I'm pretending to be busy cooking dinner...

Watch Geordie Shore.

Everything else I'm open and honest about

I didn't tell him I'd already scoffed a custard slice when he turned up at my place of work with muffins for me and the girls later in the day either. I didn't eat one just pretended I had when I got home and he asked if we enjoyed.

Pretty disgusting how people are admitting to picking their noses and eating it.

It's no different than sniffing and snorting then swallowing the snotters really. Same result.

Masturbate. A lot. He feels like he's missing out.

Chocoholicmonstor hand raise

I am not cool with the moon cup in the dishwasher.

Loooool TaggySits I am howling. I use DH socks as a duster too if I've forgotten to bring one up. I thought I was the only one.

Quit pearl clutching mumsnet lol!

It a bit of pee!

I drink directly from large jugs/bottles which I know he hates. In my defence I only do it from either the end of bottles (e.g. if I'm going to finish the milk) or ones that are mine alone. I still do it, whether he is around or not.

I drive to pick up my son from school sometimes. We only live a 7-8 minute walk from school but sometimes I just cannot be arsed.

I always used to let Ds pee in the garden (we have a pretty large garden and can't open back door on his own so easier to just let him do it). I stopped it when we were at a friends bbq and he just whipped it out and pissed on their pot plants

When DH is away I spread out in bed and talk to myself, loudly before I go asleep. It's quite therapeutic.

I also put the heat on, watch crap movies, especially weepies, eat chocs, have pancakes for dinner, and leave a light on when he's away on business. I love a good weepy.

I have been know to use the DC's socks as dusters before doing a laundry.

Use veet to unplug hairy plug holes! Doesn't using a tweezers blunt it OP?

I always wondered why some peoples gardens stink to high heaven. Now I know.

Also I take nytol because he snores so bastard loudly. He's so embarrassed about it though I told him it didn't bother me (back when I thought true love could conquer all). Now it really fucking bothers me.

BelfastBloke you need some giant fuck-off tweezers from the Bettaware catalogue. You can get them right down the shower plughole and get LOADS of hair out

Ocassionally smoke from the secret stash I keep.
Put the lamps on in the living room because I like it to be cosy.
Put the heating on, rather than go put a jumper on.
Frequent expensive coffee shops much more than he realises.
Use the drier to dry the smalls as I can't be arsed to hang out a million socks.
Drink wine from the bottle in the fridge every day when he's not looking rather than pour a glass and risk an argument resulting from his raised eyebrow.

put the heating on to dry washing when its too damp outside to go on the line. Just have to remember to switch it off again with enough time for the radiators to cool before he gets home

come back and tell me you are joking?

I have socks with the days of the week on them, not only do I wear them ON THE WRONG DAY, but if I don't have a pair (because all you can see is the blackness of them) then I will wear Tuesday on one foot, Wednesday on the other, possibly on a Monday.

He finds this infuriating. Really, really get his goat. Nutter.

Use his beard trimmer to tidy up my bikini line. I think this is reasonable, but he would literally vomit if he knew

Lambzig how do you have the self control to only eat one?!

In times of stress I buy myself a packet of menthol cigarettes and smoke them in secret. Like this week (he caused the stress this time!).