What do you secretly do, that would drive your partner mad if they knew?

[BelfastBloke]

I clear (her) hair from the plughole with her eyebrow tweezers.

Oh, and pee in our garden bushes. As does our son.

Post about him on here

Pee in the shower.

Lie about stuff I have bought

Might start doing Zippy's funeral planning thing - on incognito browsing of course

I keep my fav peach snapps in my daughters wardrobe and raffles bacon crisps hidden in kitchen as dh banned both in our house (bacon and alcohol), im not his religion so dont see why i have to follow.

Nothing better than bacon crisps and archers when dh is out.

Btw im vegetarian but fully aware bacon crisps are just flavoured and suitable for vegetarians which dh wont accept.

I also wee outside as do my children, ie behind bushes etc if out and far from a loo and sometimes preferable to public loo as they are foul.

I wee in the shower also

I burp the alphabet and laugh at how loud my farts are after I've eaten baked beans on my own. DH hates beans so this only happens when I'm alone!

Peeing in bushes ain't that bad. We all have to do it if we're out in the country. Something satisfying about it.

• Pick my nose
• Fart away to my heart's content
• Have an evening of overindulgent wine-drinking and music listening

That's it. Doubt he'd be that bothered tbh.

I sometimes like to buy my own secret chocolate cake. I keep it hidden and can have a sneaky slice now and again without having to share it.

I've never thought of putting my moon cup in the dishwasher, great idea!

I don't think I do anything secretly from DH though, apart from maybe scoffing chocolate and sweets when I don't want to share them.

Put a cotton bud into the plug hole and turn it, it catches the hair and you can pull it out.

OP that's just disgusting, you're a grown man and you shouldn't be letting your son do it either, and the worst thing is you seem very proud of it!!

In answer to your question I don't think I do anything in secret that would drive him mad.

windmillsofyourmind you've just given me an idea

Silently judge everyone.

When dh is away I leave the upstairs lights on when I'm downstairs and leave the downstairs light on at night.

My whole family urinated in my garden and in the bath/shower. I've split up with DH but happy with his bladder habits. I've got cute memories of my two (young) girls pissing in the garden in the summer trying to provide the longest stream
I just don't get the disgust.
I worked as an infection prevention specialist nurse and urine doesn't scare me!

When hes out in the evening, I cook my favourite dinner (pasta with prawns) and watch MiC. I love it. Not that exciting but he hates crap tv.

I don't open the window when I'm having a (very rare) bath (I mean I usually shower, not stink!) because I don't want a horrible cold draught blowing over me when I'm having a nice hot soak. DH is very keen on effective bathroom ventilation and he'd definitely disapprove if he knew.

He makes a big thing of it being his job to clean the bathrooms, but I secretly clean the loos while he's out as well as he doesn't do it as thoroughly as I like. We've had any number of conversations about this, I've offered just to clean the loos myself, but he always refuses - so sod it, I'm reduced to the path of least resistance.

Very few actual disgusting things in this thread, so:

I eat my bogies.

There, I've said it.

LoveYouSweetheart no, I don't believe I do seem very proud of it, because to me (and to quite a few other posters on this thread), it's a non-issue. Or at least, not much of an issue, and not particularly disgusting, even if my DW would think so.

In my OP I added the peeing as an afterthought.

Littlecaf snap!! I always make my favourite prawns with a ridiculous amount of butter, chilli, ginger and lemon in when dh is away alongside mic or if I'm feeling particularly trashy - the bachelorette.

It's not really that gross though.

Some people are beyond gross - the OP for one.

Keep Hotel Chocolat chocolates in my bedside drawer and have one in bed if I go up to bed before DH does.

In my defence, he would eat the lot if he knew they were there.

Oh and dishwashers are for dishes etc.

Peeing outside doesn't bother me. Mooncup in the dishwasher is a step too far for me-but I don't really trust our dishwasher works properly at the moment

mycatsabastard I misread that as bumhole rather than plug hole!

Our 2yo DD has a shower with me in the mornings, and so that I can get dried in peace I let her stay in the shower and play firefighters with the shower head. I'm right next to her so she's perfectly safe, but he would hate the waste of water and electricity if he knew. Hey ho.

put the heating on to dry washing when its too damp outside to go on the line. Just have to remember to switch it off again with enough time for the radiators to cool before he gets home.