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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Waiting to 6pm and no later for dinner together

377 replies

LovelyBath77 · 20/09/2016 18:57

My husband is self-employed. He gets a bit huffy as he likes us all to eat together, but I say we usually wait till 6pm is and go ahead with the children's dinner as they get a bit hungry by then. I usually have something with them.

AIBU?

OP posts:
228agreenend · 20/09/2016 21:46

My kids are teens, and we quite often eat at 5pm! 6pm is entirely reasonable.

ForalltheSaints · 20/09/2016 21:55

My mum to this day likes to eat by 6pm and so when we visit, expect tea/dinner by then and plan accordingly.

delilahbucket · 20/09/2016 22:02

We eat at 6-6:30 when dp gets in. I work from home so can cook tea. At school this is considered very late amongst peers. Dsil eats with her kids at four and her dh eats alone when he gets in. Ds is 8 and is ok to wait until tea is ready but he does have a snack after school and if dinner is delayed then he has a little something else to keep him going, usually an ingredient I'm cooking with if there are raw veggies about or cheese.

kurlique · 20/09/2016 22:11

We never eat before 7 due to logistics and at the weekends usually much later... DS's mate says we must be Spanish!! (both DCs are teenagers now) I did try giving them their meal earlier like everyone else did at 5 when they were both still at primary school but DS just wanted another meal later on!! But we have never had early bedtimes as none of us are sleepers so a post school snack (or afternoon tea as my DM would call it) and supper later with DH always worked for us.

Hulababy · 20/09/2016 22:27

I'd get homework done straight after school where you can. It's over and done with then. Even now, as a teen, Dd gets homework done as soon as she can. She hates it dragging into the evening.

Katielou75 · 21/09/2016 02:07

Loving that chart (spot on with 'working class' - I grew up in a mining village and we eat 'our tea' at 6.30!). Mine are 6 and 9 and it's never before 6, partly because I teach at home until late some nights, and others the kids have activities such as ballet and swimming. Their bed time has never been before 8 but it seems to be creeping later and later as they get older! As long as they get enough sleep and have time for homework/activities/relaxation, I'm not fastidious about the time of tea (dinner!), it's just become a habit at 6 ish.

NightWanderer · 21/09/2016 03:11

There's no right or wrong answer to this. I personally don't find it lonely eating dinner on my own. In this day and age he can eat his dinner in the living room in front of the TV. Sorry, I know MNers will be horrified by the suggestion. But if the kids are starving and the OP wants to get on with things then surely it's better for them to just eat. I also prefer the kids to do homework as soon as they get home from school, but DS1 has classes twice a week, I work late once a week, and on the other two days we often have friends over/doctors or dentists appointments/other stuff on, so it's easier for us to eat at 6pm and then once the toddler is in bed I can help the older kids with homework. If I waited until 8pm for dinner the kids would be snacking non-stop and that's not healthy. I'd rather they had an earlier meal.

stopgap · 21/09/2016 03:35

I eat dinner with my boys (2 and 5) at 5.30pm, and my husband is home between 8 and 9pm, so eats dinner solo while I have a cup of tea beside him. Primarily I eat for health - so does husband - so there doesn't need to be a big ceremony surrounding our midweek eating. Plus we take our sons out to lunch on Saturday or Sunday, sometimes both, and my husband and I are out to dinner Friday and Saturday evenings, so it's not as if dinner chat is neglected altogether.

Bogeyface · 21/09/2016 03:51

If I made my kids wait until 8pm for dinner then it would be 8 hours from lunch at school until dinner at home, they wouldnt be asleep before 10 and then it would be hell the next day. If dinner is later than 6pm I get nagged as they are starving!

Mistigri · 21/09/2016 04:49

Isn't this a regional or north/south thing?

My ILs from the north midlands eat around 6pm and they don't even have kids to worry about. I grew up in London and don't remember ever eating dinner before 7pm. Now I live about 1000km south of London and 7pm is considered very early to eat!

We all eat around 7.30pm ish - teenage DD doesn't get in until 7.15pm anyway.

Artandco · 21/09/2016 07:03

Can I ask, if your children eat at 5pm, are they the same ones then awake by 6am? As surely you can't in reverse expect them to go 5pm-8am without food (15hrs). Especially those saying they couldn't last 8hrs without food.

Mine have lunch at 12.30-1 at school, a piece of fruit around 4, then dinner 7-8. Breakfast is then between 8-8.30am the next morning

heron98 · 21/09/2016 07:27

I guess it depends - if you're a SAHM you've got time to eat at 6. Most working parents aren't home by then and if they want to eat as a family need to eat at a later time. 6pm seems very early to me, almost the afternoon!

Hippywannabe · 21/09/2016 07:33

My goodness! Mum always did dinner at 5pm, I've always done the same. (I do think I am on the spectrum though).
I honestly think dinner is LATE when we eat past 5.30 but I've never consciously thought about it before reading this post.
I've worked school hours during the last 15 years though and now it is only DH and I at home. He works an early shift so is home at 2.30.
I can't get my head around children waiting till 6.30-7pm but of course, when they are being collected from childcare due to working parents, it would have to be later.
I might do dinner late tonight just to see how DH reacts, (he is ASD though). I wonder what time he will remind me it is nearly dinner time.

Paulat2112 · 21/09/2016 07:34

art mine have breakfast at 7.30, up at 7. Second breakfast at breakfast club at 8.30 (bowl of cereal/toast) Snack in morning at school/nursery. Lunch at 12. Sometimes small snack after school if really required/begged for. Dinner at 4.45/5. Boys in bed for 7, dd swims couple of nights a week and doesn't get home till 8.30 and she will have a sandwich at that point as is hungry from two hours of swim club.

ElinoristhenewEnid · 21/09/2016 07:50

Gosh when my DCs were at school we always ate at 4.30pm after they arrived home and that left the evening free for homework, activities etc. They also went to bed early say 6pm until they were 7 years old unless they had outside activities.
When they started working we had dinner at 5.30 pm after they returned from work, again left evening free.
Now dh and I are on our own we eat our main meal at 12 noon because I work from home (unless I am working out at a meeting etc). That leaves rest of day free and I hate going to bed on a full stomach as it makes it difficult to sleep and is considered unhealthy.

dementedpixie · 21/09/2016 08:03

Mine eat anywhere between 5.30 and 7.30pm depending on how organised I am. I still eat later with dh as a lot of the time he isn't home by then anyway. Ds is up at 7am and eats by 7.30am. Dd needs kicking out of bed and has breakfast around 8am. We need to leave the house around 8.35am. My two are 9 and 12.

JammyDodger16 · 21/09/2016 08:04

YANBU I do the same. My dp has some control over when he gets home so I can't justify waiting if he is just having a chat in the office and I have a crying hungry dd at home

Ontopofthesunset · 21/09/2016 08:05

Lots of it must have to do with working hours. When we both worked in an office, when the children were very small, the nanny left at 6.30 so whoever was home first would put the children, who had been fed by the nanny, to bed, and then we would cook and eat later.

When they were early school age and I workd from home, they had 'kids' tea' at about 5.30 and I had a cup of tea and chatted to them while they ate. Then I'd cook a separate meal for DH and me which we'd eat around 9 pm after the children were in bed. But typically DH wouldn't get in till after 7, frequently after 8.

When the children got to about 10, I stopped cooking two separate meals and then we would all eat together around 7 when we could. If DH was particularly late, depending on how hungry I was, I would either wait for DH to eat our portion or would eat with the children.

Now mine are teenagers we usually don't eat till at least 8, often 9. And those of us in the house all sit down and eat together at a table.

GreatFuckability · 21/09/2016 08:05

why is eating alone so awful?! i much prefer to eat my meal in peace without kids annoying me around!

my kids age 13, 12 and 9 eat around 5pm usually. and I tend to eat later at about 7 on my own.

if the kids are hungry, they should be fed. that matters more than his feelings.

lalalalyra · 21/09/2016 08:10

We eat at 6 as that gives time to get home from school, do homework and then eat before Guides/Scouts/Swimming club. Anyone who isn't home heats theirs up later (or eats something earlier if it's needed).

JudyCoolibar · 21/09/2016 08:13

I think 6 is definitely early for a 7 and 11 year old. I finished work at 5.30 and then have a journey of at least 30 minutes to get home, so we would have no chance of eating at that time. They can have a small snack if they're hungry after school, or eat more at lunchtime.

dustarr73 · 21/09/2016 08:13

Can I ask, if your children eat at 5pm, are they the same ones then awake by 6am? As surely you can't in reverse expect them to go 5pm-8am without food (15hrs). Especially those saying they couldn't last 8hrs without food.

Thats just bring silly as they would be asleep.

Mine have dinner at 3.00 when they come in from school.Im in Ireland so no school dinners.Tea would be 6 or 7 then bed at 8
Dp has his dinner aabout 5 when he comes in andi have started to have my dinner at 12 cause i can eat it in peace and while its hot.

brasty · 21/09/2016 08:13

If you work full time office hours, you probably don't finish work until 5pm at the earliest. So by the time you get home and make something to eat, 6pm is going to be the absolute earliest you can physically eat, but more likely to be later.

GreatFuckability · 21/09/2016 08:22

mine eat at 5pm, maybe have a piece of fruit/yoghurt/brioche at about 7 before bed and then dont eat until breakfast around 8ish at school. they could eat earlier at home, but choose not to.

GnomeDePlume · 21/09/2016 08:26

We have always given DCs dinner first then eaten together later.

If your DH is always coming in after everyone else has eaten then it can feel a bit left out of things. Everyone else has had their 'sit down and chat about the day' session and he is left out of this. Fine for a one off but not fine if it every day.