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AIBU?

Waiting to 6pm and no later for dinner together

377 replies

LovelyBath77 · 20/09/2016 18:57

My husband is self-employed. He gets a bit huffy as he likes us all to eat together, but I say we usually wait till 6pm is and go ahead with the children's dinner as they get a bit hungry by then. I usually have something with them.

AIBU?

OP posts:

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2rebecca · 21/09/2016 08:26

We both usually return from work at 6.30 if I am working the afternoon. Dinner is usually 7.30 it was earlier when kids young and often they had a kids tea prepared by me or childminder. Putting your husband who is working bottom of priorities seems wrong to me

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Optimist3 · 21/09/2016 08:28

It's really important for kids to eat with parents or a parent. Maybe he should get home earlier if he wants to join in

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HunterHearstHelmsley · 21/09/2016 08:36

I would murder someone if I had to wait until 8pm for my dinner! I like to eat at about 6pm and will generally just have snacks/toast if I haven't had it by then.

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HunterHearstHelmsley · 21/09/2016 08:36

Oh I leave for work at 6am.

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AChickenCalledKorma · 21/09/2016 08:38

DH also has slightly unpredictable hours. We normally eat all together at about 6/6:30. If he's going to be late, he warns me. Sometimes we are all ravenous and go ahead and eat. Sometimes we wait. But we always communicate about it.

Is the problem here that he feels you could be a bit more flexible - and you feel that you aren't getting any warning that he's going to be late?

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MrsJayy · 21/09/2016 08:41

I have always aimed for 6 Dh used to work on calls so he wasnt always in we were usually hungry by then so ate.

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chaplin1409 · 21/09/2016 08:47

I am surprised at how many people think 6 is early for children to eat. Mine are 10, 11, 14 and 15 and all come in from school starving, if I know dh will be home as a good time 6 being the latest they have a snack and then we eat later but if not they have their food as soon as it is cooked. We have evening activities most nights so that makes a difference. Also school holidays we do eat later as all their meals are later.

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RB68 · 21/09/2016 08:48

Its hard to sort if you are not getting in till 6ish but we eat between 5 and 6 most days and later only if something upsets the routine. If we eat much later then we have a snack around 4 that is reasonably substantial ie not just an apple!!

I think you have to do what works for you but in this situation I would let the kids eat and eat with hubby later - but maybe have set days when you ask him to be home for a fixed time so he can have his family meals - he is right they are important for the kids and you guys

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2rebecca · 21/09/2016 08:49

For most self employed people self employed doesn't mean leave when you want as they have businesses to run, employees, clients, sometimes they have short term contracts to work for other people. Many on mumsnet seem to think self employed means no actual work to do

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Farmmummy · 21/09/2016 08:50

Ugh the kids here (6 and 18mths) are fairly flexible but DH needs fed by the clock if he doesn't eat at 12.30 and 6.00 he thinks he's dying

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Believeitornot · 21/09/2016 08:53

6pm is late for us! My DCs get up early (6am) and being in primary school, they are very tired. If they ate later, they'd be in bed later and would have less sleep = not great for learning/concentrating.

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mixety · 21/09/2016 08:55

The earliest I ever remember eating was 5.30, but it got progressively later as I got older.

Neither DP or I is even home from work by 6pm these days. We usually eat at 9pm.

When we have DSS we eat at 7.30/8pm. When he was littler we'd try to do 7.30 and no later, but now 8pm is OK.

Eating at 6pm where I live (not the UK) would be seen as very strange. But obviously it's perfectly normal in the UK especially if you have kids. I think you and your DP just need to work out a good compromise.

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Mistigri · 21/09/2016 08:56

I'm amazed at how many adults eat so early. What do you do if you go out for dinner?

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purplefizz26 · 21/09/2016 08:56

Bloody hell 6pm isn't early for weekday tea time!
I eat at 5pm with the kids and DH warms his up when he gets home.

Weekends we tend to eat together more.

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MrsJayy · 21/09/2016 09:03

6 isn't early for a weekday dinner

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ZanyMobster · 21/09/2016 09:09

We have never eaten as a family unless we go out for dinner. Often DH or I are not home before 830pm so it's too late (they are 8 and 10) when they were younger DH was not home from work before 6/630 so it was too late then, we have just never done it.

The DCs eat when they are home from whatever activity, this can be between 5pm and 730pm. They eat together and we eat later at about 9pm. Even at weekends we tend to do the same as it's become our routine.

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Gwenhwyfar · 21/09/2016 09:11

"I'm amazed at how many adults eat so early. What do you do if you go out for dinner?"

Going out for dinner tends to be 7,30, which means not eating until at least 8. I tend to avoid it during the week, but I do find it hard waiting till 8 when I'm used to eating at 6 or 7. I try to persuade friends to meet up at 6.30 and there's more space in restaurants at this time as well.

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FunkinEll · 21/09/2016 09:14

We do kids dinner at 5.30pm and the grown ups eat at 8pm. Does that makes up susper posh?!

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Youarenotprepared · 21/09/2016 09:14

We eat between 6 and 6.30. The kids would eat at 3.30, 5.00 and 6.30 given a choice. They have a small snack when they get home if needed.

They like to chill after food. We do homework before then chill after. Unless you can't physically get home and cook sooner I can't see why you would wait past 6.30 with kids. The littlest starts to go up to bed at 7.30. He is spark out by 8 so no way could he wait until 7.00/7.30 for food.

Me and DH eat later if we want something the kids will all refuse.

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heron98 · 21/09/2016 09:14

If you're all that ravenous by 6pm that you can't wait for dinner, why don't you eat a bigger lunch?

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MrsJayy · 21/09/2016 09:17

Why is eating at 6 so offensive to some posters as a pp said unless you live in downtown abbey most families eat around this time

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NataliaOsipova · 21/09/2016 09:26

It's not offensive at all! But most people I know don't eat at anything like that time - my DH would often still be at work and isn't unusual in my experience. So 6pm would be ridiculously early for us to have dinner, weekday or not because it just isn't what we are used to.

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Hmmnotkeen · 21/09/2016 09:35

These threads are fascinating to me because I honestly don't know anyone (families or not) who would eat their evening meal any earlier than 6. That's prime park-going time around here! My own parents (southerners) tended to eat at 7.30 ish if they were home. My PILs (northerners) eat at 7. We (15mo) eat somewhere between 7.30 and 8.30 usually.

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Hmmnotkeen · 21/09/2016 09:37

Also, where I used to work everyone finished at 5.30 or 6. So none of them were having their tea at 6.

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longdiling · 21/09/2016 09:38

Oh dear, we are definitely not posh here. I childmind and people like their kids to have their evening meal here which means feeding them around 4.30/5. My kids eat with them as they often have activities starting around 6. They then have supper at about 7/7.30 - do I get bonus posh points for this?! I mean, yesterday's supper was pate! My kids are pretty flexible though and can handle just eating later when we eat out or on the weekend. They don't get up early either, I drag them out of bed at 7am.