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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH and menstruation cup

140 replies

Booboostwo · 19/09/2016 20:16

I am honestly not sure if BU, but happy to acknowledge I might be if everyone thinks so.

A couple of years back I bought a menstruation cup (after reading threads on here), freaked at its size and promptly hid it in a cupboard. Then I read a blog that urged readers to put their brave pants on and try the bloody thing out since they had already bought it, so I did. Turns out it is brilliant! I've always felt very uncomfortable with tampons and have a reaction to sanitary towels but menstrual cups are just wonderful. Shame I am close to the menopause really.

To the BU bit...I tried discussing all this with DH and he said it was disgusting and he didn't want to hear anything about it. I didn't offer to show him the cup or how it works, just wanted to rave about how great it was. Did I have to? Well maybe not, but why not? I've discovered a wonderful product and wanted to share with him and frankly I am a bit insulted he finds talking about menstruation so disgusting. For the record I have inspected his anal fistula when it was healing after his operation without making him feel in any way self-conscious or upset, and have put medication on seven verrucas he had on his feet (feet, bliah!) which he had allowed to become enormous because he'd ignored them for months. DH and I talk about anything, this is the first time he has refused to talk about something.

OP posts:
Justforthistopic · 19/09/2016 21:06

I've still not bought one. I'm tempted, very tempted, but I'm convinced I'm too fat of tummy & short of arm to insert it properly. I struggle with tampons Blush.

Plus I'm sure I'd get in an unholy mess emptying it & reinserting it.

Can you really swim with them in though? Without looking like jaws has bitten your leg off?

Oh sorry OP back you YOU Blush. You appear to have married an unenlightened dinosaur! Mind you, given you say you're close to the menopause, perhaphs he is 'older' and from a generation of men who really can't cope with this detail. I can just imagine the look on myna dad's face if my Mum had tried to have this conversation 😁 Don't get me wrong, my Dad was THE BEST & if anything had NEEDED looking at, he'd have done it, but not just for the chat. I'm sure he doesn't think YOU are disgusting, or probably even your periods, just that discussing it isn't his thing.

AskBasil · 19/09/2016 21:09

Unless he's also disgusted by talk of toilet roll, tissues, cotton wool, etc, then chances are he's got a load of residual misogynistic distaste for women's bodies, that he's not consciously aware of.

So no, YANBU

Funko · 19/09/2016 21:11

Chuff chalice Grin

I go by the significantly less classy 'fanny cup' Blush

They need to be talked about! I 'discovered' them on here and quite frankly am appalled they every woman doesn't know as much about them as every other type of sanitary product.

It's a bloody revelation ! Pun intended Grin

I currently use duchess cups (you get two in a pack from Amazon) and they are brilliant. Yes they take a little bit of getting used to but I started using mine in April or May and I will never use a tampon again in my life.

I am at the higher end of heavy flow, always have been and have suffered crippling period pains most of my adult life.

I don't get pain now... In 5 months I've had two occasions of the mildest period cramps on day 1 of period. And I literally mean.. 2 occasions lasting no more than 20 mins. No pain relief required at all. I used to be clock watching for when I could take another dose of ibrupeofen!

So, no pain. No smells! I honestly thought the period smell was me being hot and sweaty (sorry) during time of the month. No it's the manky tampon.

I genuinely forget I'm on at all. I love going to sleep knowing I won't need to get up and change a leaking tampon and changing cos I've flooded though.

Love love love them!

Justforthistopic · 19/09/2016 21:12

Lalsy. Thank you. The heavy days concern me too, so it's good to hear about that from people. Not TMI at all 💐

Margaret. I agree too.

BennyTheBall · 19/09/2016 21:13

How much talking about it do you need to do?

My dh would say, 'lovely, so glad you like it...' and that would probs be the end of it. It's not that interesting!

He's not remotely squeamish about periods, he buys tampons, doesn't avert his eyes when I change them etc.

(Fwiw, I hated my mooncup and was back to tampons pdq.)

Original poster
Booboostwo · 19/09/2016 21:14

I don't remember which brand I got but I have the small size even though I am (well) over 30 and have two DCs. My cervix is in a weird place though so perhaps that is why the small one is more comfortable?

DH is great in bed and very relaxed about all sorts of things, which is why this is even more of a surprise. I am pretty sure that in our younger and hornier years we used to have sex during my periods so it clearly didn't bother him them!

Right then, next time he tells me about his daily (45 minute long) visit to the toilet I will wish out the cup and brandish it under his nose.

OP posts:
Original poster
Booboostwo · 19/09/2016 21:14

Whisk not wish

OP posts:
MyWineTime · 19/09/2016 21:16

My DH has listened to me rave about my mooncup on numerous occasions.
I would find it a bit pitiful if he found it disgusting!

Justforthistopic · 19/09/2016 21:17

Funko. (Please feel free not to answer!). Have you tried any other brands? Nighttime flooding is driving me batshit. If you were using tampons/pads what would the comparison be with using the cup? For example I now have to use a super sized tampon & a pad & still have to change in the night, at least once (thankfully usually only 2 nights). Do you think the Duchess cups would cope with that without being changed? (Sorry if TMI for anyone).

LRDtheFeministDragon · 19/09/2016 21:18

I'm with MargaretCavendish (I have been wanting to say that since second year undergrad, too).

I think it would be fair enough if he didn't want to hear details, if he's squeamish about blood, but saying that the type of sanpro she's using is 'disgusting' is really immature.

Piehunter · 19/09/2016 21:19

DH had only brothers and a much older mother and is therefore slightly perturbed and interested in equal measures by my mooncup.. I also use cloth pads (v heavy flow and it does sometimes struggle to cope) and I soak them (so there's little/no remaining blood) and then throw them in the wash basket, he'll happily deal with them, the mooncup going inside me seems to weird him out more? On all other fronts he's fantastic, I've had to use a commode in the past (wees only!) after being exceptionally ill and he didn't bat an eyelid at emptying that, or my wound drain full of gross gunk. So weird that menstrual blood is more disturbing than that..

WomanActually · 19/09/2016 21:21

I agree with askbasil

I love my cup and raved to dh about it for days, he found it fascinating at first, then got bored, but not out of disgust.

Periods are not disgusting, it's one thing if you were telling a strange woman at the bus stop about your cycle, but you should be able to talk to your dh ffs.

Do others not talk to their partners about their periods, like if you're having a heavy day do you not have a moan, or complain of cramps etc?

Justforthistopic · 19/09/2016 21:23

booboo him spending 45 mins in the loo & telling you anything about it is a million times more disgusting than anything you could ever say about periods. Bleurgh.

Men who aren't bothered that you have your period & are still happy to have sex are (IMO) definitely better in bed. (Obviously if YOU are wanting to and encouraging it, not if you're dosing up on painkillers and they don't give a flying & just expect you to go along with it).

Original poster
Booboostwo · 19/09/2016 21:30

He is not bothered by blood as such, he watched both DCs being born by CS (actually looked over the screen).

OP posts:
PhotosGinAndALongLieIn · 19/09/2016 21:30

I don't have a cup but my DP has fished out a lost tampon for me before now Blush. It was a faulty pack, they'd been put in the tubes upside down so I'd inserted string first and couldn't get it back out.

He's not at all bothered by anything period related. I think YANBU - you're just excited about a new product.

Bitofacow · 19/09/2016 21:32

It's a perfectly normal bodily function. He needs to grow up. Ohhhh ohhhh lady bits and blood. I'd have punched him. Wuss.

MrsNutella · 19/09/2016 21:37

Booboo I read out your post to DH and he said "that poor woman" he did then refer to my cup as "the thing" - he is apparently curious about how it fits Grin - but he h put up with me raving about it. I love it.

I have a meluna it's a German brand and they have a wide range of sizes and strengths.... Apparently if you are very sporty you need ones that are firmer Confused I'm fascinated by their range.... I've had mine for about 18 months I think. It took a couple of cycles to get the hang of but it really is so comfortable I completely forget about it.

Hrafnkel · 19/09/2016 21:43

Ok, so I can't use tampons - used to have vaginismus, just can't put tampons in properly or comfortably. Would I be able to use a mooncup?

Funko · 19/09/2016 21:49

Justforthistopic once you've fathomed the knack of correct positioning then absolutely zero leaks! Worth using a panty liner if you are concerned. Especially when your are still getting used to it. I do find that on my heaviest days I can miss the fact it hasn't quite popped open fully but hardly ever happens now and it's no worse than a normal leaky tampon, in fact less as it's usually still catching most of the flow.

I was using the biggest size lilets that couldn't last more than 3 hours tops at night and they expand widthways. ( I do have seriously heavy periods, I have in fact filled the cups - yes filled!) but no leaks! I just try and remember to empty it more often in the first couple of days.

It was day 1 yesterday of period. I last emptied at around 6pm. I was almost asleep at 11pm and thought ... Shall I empty it.... Nah. And went to sleep. All fine and dandy this morning.

I do plan to try another brand just to see..

I am not squeamish at all and it's strangely satisfying pouring it down the toilet yes I'm gross lol

Id say to everyone try them, watch loads of YouTube videos about fitting. If you don't get on with one, try another. Lots of different shapes and styles.

MephistoMarley · 19/09/2016 21:50

I'd be majorly pissed off and offended if this was my partner. How dare he? His disgusting body issues are fine for you to be subjected to but any talk about menstruation is beyond the pale? Sexist shitlord.

JollyHockeyGits · 19/09/2016 21:51

I don't think you're exactly BU, adult men should be able to handle talking about periods! But I know mine would cringe, probably because he was brought up in a generation which treated menstruation was taboo, particularly for males. Hopefully my son will be able to handle it!

I also got a mooncup after reading threads on here and think they're amazing! I've got a fairly heavy flow so empty mine quite a lot on the heaviest days, and although it's really comfy I don't think mine fits perfectly because it leaks a bit, so I still wear panty liners with mine. Still much better than the millions of tampons and pads I was using before though! I totally wanted to tell everyone about it when I discovered it, so please try it out, it saves so much money!

Funko · 19/09/2016 21:56

Oh and because of what it is made of, you can pop it in if you are due on just incase... Like if you are travelling or in a big meeting or just whenever it's inconvenient to pop to the loo every five sodding minutes to check you haven't come on!

And I have swam in mine too towards the end of period. No problems at all.

It's been an absolute godsend.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 19/09/2016 21:57

The poster with the heavy flow.

I use a meluna combined with a washable pad and don't have flooding issues at night any more

Chipsahoy · 19/09/2016 22:06

Yanbu what's so wrong about talking about periods? I rave about my cup to my dh
He doesn't care, he isn't embarrassed or grossed out cos it's nothing to be embarrassed about or grossed out about. I