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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH and menstruation cup

140 replies

Booboostwo · 19/09/2016 20:16

I am honestly not sure if BU, but happy to acknowledge I might be if everyone thinks so.

A couple of years back I bought a menstruation cup (after reading threads on here), freaked at its size and promptly hid it in a cupboard. Then I read a blog that urged readers to put their brave pants on and try the bloody thing out since they had already bought it, so I did. Turns out it is brilliant! I've always felt very uncomfortable with tampons and have a reaction to sanitary towels but menstrual cups are just wonderful. Shame I am close to the menopause really.

To the BU bit...I tried discussing all this with DH and he said it was disgusting and he didn't want to hear anything about it. I didn't offer to show him the cup or how it works, just wanted to rave about how great it was. Did I have to? Well maybe not, but why not? I've discovered a wonderful product and wanted to share with him and frankly I am a bit insulted he finds talking about menstruation so disgusting. For the record I have inspected his anal fistula when it was healing after his operation without making him feel in any way self-conscious or upset, and have put medication on seven verrucas he had on his feet (feet, bliah!) which he had allowed to become enormous because he'd ignored them for months. DH and I talk about anything, this is the first time he has refused to talk about something.

OP posts:

MargaretCavendish · 19/09/2016 20:39

When I was single I developed a theory that a man's (lack of) squeamishness about periods was a direct indicator of how good he was in bed: men who act like silly children about a natural bodily function tend to be a bit less than impressive in other ways, too. I think it could have done with some more extensive data-gathering, but I'm willing to stand by this theory.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 19/09/2016 20:39

I've used one for 12 or 13 years, it's been so long I've forgotten exactly how long and I don't even think dh knows. We're very open with each other but I don't want to know about his toilet habits and I don't feel the need to share how I deal with my periods. If he asked I'd tell him of course.

Original poster

Booboostwo · 19/09/2016 20:39

I change mine every 6 hours for the first day or two and then every 8-10 hours.

He had a nurse inspecting his fistula for medical reasons, he wanted me to look for emotional support, I.e. to further reassure him it was healing well, so I was happy to do it. I was not disgusted by him, his bottom or his fistula.

I'd be OK if he found the topic boring, but I find it insulting that he thinks it is disgusting. Menstruation is a normal part of being female, I feel like he is saying I am disgusting when I menstruate.

OP posts:

VoldysGoneMouldy · 19/09/2016 20:39

WrinklyTights have you tried twisting it after it's inserted? A lot of people have leaks until they try this. Helps seal the vacuum or something equally freaky

MargaretCavendish · 19/09/2016 20:40

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 19/09/2016 20:41

Margaret- I think you're spot on.

Original poster

Booboostwo · 19/09/2016 20:41

Oh forgot to say that I get detailed, daily updates on his toilet habits! He talks so much about his poo I had forgotten about it as it's such a big part of my life!

OP posts:

MargaretCavendish · 19/09/2016 20:41

Though maybe not so in confident in the theory that it needed saying twice - sorry about that!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 19/09/2016 20:42

Detailed updates of his poo? Ewwwwww!

dybil · 19/09/2016 20:44

In light of MargaretCavendish's theory, I would like to highlight my post on page . B)

2littlepiggies · 19/09/2016 20:45

I want to try one, what's the best brand and how do you know what size to buy? How does it make having periods better?

On my period right now and hate pads

HeyNannyNanny · 19/09/2016 20:45

A friend once said on the subject of men and periods:

If they're not mature enough to talk about periods then they're not mature enough to be having sex.

And I wholeheartedly agree!

itsonlysubterfuge · 19/09/2016 20:46

I think he's being silly. I told my DH about mine and I even showed him the contents as he was curious, however I think it's your DH's right to be uncomfortable about something and you should respect it.

Tell him he's being ridiculous, but if it really bothers him you'll respect his wishes.

BleakBetty · 19/09/2016 20:47

YANBU at ALL!

Menstrual cups are bloody worth raving about.

Sorry but I find the 'disgusted by periods' attitude incredibly childish and something I'd expect from a teenage boy. My H couldn't give a damn about this kind of discussion.

Don't feel ashamed. Periods are NOT disgusting!

Blerg · 19/09/2016 20:48

YANBU - I can't bear men being squeamish about periods, so pathetic. I agree with Margaret above.

BleakBetty · 19/09/2016 20:48

Just saw Margaret's theory - I suspect it's bang on

Blueskyrain · 19/09/2016 20:49

My husband knows a LOT about periods now (8 years together, married for 3). It probably helps that he isn't at all squeamish but nothing phases him at all when it comes for 'women stuff'.

He did get a bit perplexed at the variety of tampons when I sent him on a shopping expedition, but soon worked it out. TBH, he'd probably think a mooncup is a good idea - Im the slightly squeamish one about that sort of thing.

CoolCarrie · 19/09/2016 20:50

Chuff Chalice is brilliant!! 😀

Threesoundslikealot · 19/09/2016 20:52

Wrinkly, there are loads of different types. Definitely worth giving another one a go. I've used a mooncup now for well over a decade and love it, but friends like the Luna cup.

Anyone interested, just google. Each product will explain sizing etc on their websites. The mooncup for example has sizes A and B. Size A is for women under 30 who haven't had children and size B for everyone else. Saying that I successfully used my size A well into my 30s and after childbirth. I only got a B to replace it when it got lost in a house move. Oops.

OP, your husband IBVU. Especially if he makes you listen to poo talk.

SheDoneAlreadyDoneHadHerses · 19/09/2016 20:53

Oh I love my cup! DP asks if I'm decupped before hitting me with his moves during my period. It causes less pain and makes periods a doddle, in my experience.

Chuff Chalice is AWESOME.

CrohnicallyAspie · 19/09/2016 20:54

I bought a moon cup, simply because it was available at boots. It comes in 2 sizes, one for women under 30 with no children, the other if you have children or are older than 30.

It makes periods better for me because I am almost guaranteed to get thrush from pads or tampons, and they're so dry and itchy. the moon cup I can't even feel it once it's in. It's way better for swimming (am I the only woman who is paranoid about the tampon string hanging out? And the string kind of sucks up swimming pool water into the tampon?) and doesn't need emptying as often as I would change a tampon or towel.

I did have some problems with leaking but found the solution- I have to run my finger round the outside to make sure it's popped out into the right place (you kind of fold it to insert), since I've been doing that it's way more leakproof than a tampon or pad!

Xenophile · 19/09/2016 20:54

I am very impressed by chuff chalice, have told DH and he thinks it's vair funny too.

OP, your DH is being a bit of a knob.

My teenage DS doesn't react to the idea of periods, that I and his GF have them, or that I use a cup to deal with them. If an 18 yr old can cope without thinking it's disgusting, then so can a grown adult and his fistula.

BaggyCheeks · 19/09/2016 20:55

2littlepiggies I got a moon cup because I could get it from my local Boots and didn't have to wait for delivery. If you're over 30 or had a baby you'll need a size A/the larger size.

Lalsy · 19/09/2016 21:02

My dh doesn't like discussing any bodily functions, but he was brilliant after I had ds in a rather messy home birth and couldn't get out of bed for two days. He had to deal with everything...

For those considering a mooncup, I really rate mine but have to change it more frequently than some PP. At my heaviest flow (usually a day and not every month thank goodness) it can need changing every hour and I often switch to ultra tampons for that (same frequency but slightly less messy). And use towels as well. They are great, and for me the best bit is the freedom when on the either side days/nights if I are travelling or out and about. The days of very heavy flow are grim whatever. Sorry if TMI.

Obsidian77 · 19/09/2016 21:02

Yes to Margaret's theory. Very much tallies with my experience. I'd definitely purchase something marketed as a chuff chalice, kudos to your DH Bear

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