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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH and menstruation cup

140 replies

Booboostwo · 19/09/2016 20:16

I am honestly not sure if BU, but happy to acknowledge I might be if everyone thinks so.

A couple of years back I bought a menstruation cup (after reading threads on here), freaked at its size and promptly hid it in a cupboard. Then I read a blog that urged readers to put their brave pants on and try the bloody thing out since they had already bought it, so I did. Turns out it is brilliant! I've always felt very uncomfortable with tampons and have a reaction to sanitary towels but menstrual cups are just wonderful. Shame I am close to the menopause really.

To the BU bit...I tried discussing all this with DH and he said it was disgusting and he didn't want to hear anything about it. I didn't offer to show him the cup or how it works, just wanted to rave about how great it was. Did I have to? Well maybe not, but why not? I've discovered a wonderful product and wanted to share with him and frankly I am a bit insulted he finds talking about menstruation so disgusting. For the record I have inspected his anal fistula when it was healing after his operation without making him feel in any way self-conscious or upset, and have put medication on seven verrucas he had on his feet (feet, bliah!) which he had allowed to become enormous because he'd ignored them for months. DH and I talk about anything, this is the first time he has refused to talk about something.

OP posts:

MrsRyanGosling15 · 19/09/2016 22:12

I think YABU a little bit. I know MN rave about these cups but I just can't get my head around them. I am a nurse and trust me I have a stomach of steel but moon cups (and also seeing or hearing people blow their nose) make me gag. I just find the whole idea of them horrific. My DH and I can talk about anything but he has hayfever and constantly blows his nose and would never do it in front of me as he knows it makes me feel sick. It's just my line. Not sure if it's kind of the same thing. If it's just periods full stop, he does need to grow up a bit.

TheLastHeatwave · 19/09/2016 22:14

Thank you Funko (and sock). I'll follow your links now.

sparechange · 19/09/2016 22:15

Just,
I'm a flood-er and have found a massive improvement from my Mooncup

From studiously inspecting the contents, I think I've worked out why... Look away now if you are squeamish... My first 24 hours is lots of massive clots (bigger than a £2 coin)
With tampons, they can't be absorbed so slide down the side and leak out. Same with towels. They just sit on the top and I leak everywhere.

The mooncup catches the clots and keeps them there, so I don't flood. I do have the occasional ultra-heavy cycle when I have to change my cup every hour or so, and like a tampon, you can tell when it is full to bursting. But without fail, those heavy heavy days are all clot-y rather than a cup full of blood.

Squeamish people, normal service resumes.

Funko · 19/09/2016 22:18

sparechange yy to that! Also the same. can't look at liver in the shops

Floggingmolly · 19/09/2016 22:27

Why are you so desperate to share it with him? I don't imagine my DH would be remotely interested, (he wouldn't be grossed out, just bemused), neither would I if I had to hear about someone else's.

Why not just accept he's as interested in your mooncup as he would be if you tried sharing knitting patterns with him; and leave the poor bugger alone?

BearFoxBear · 19/09/2016 22:28

Dh will be most pleased to have received an MN nod of approval

MephistoMarley · 19/09/2016 22:36

It's fine to be squeamish but don't then ask your wife to look at your ripped anus
Either you're a couple who don't share this stuff (which suits me tbh) or you're an over sharing couple who show each other your bum injuries but you can't have one partner who thinks it's fine one way but disgusting the other.

Floggingmolly · 19/09/2016 22:38

Why would you want to look at anybody's arse injuries...

littleshirleybeans · 19/09/2016 22:39

Not much to add re your dh but I just wanted to say that I'm very open with both ds re periods. I don't want them thinking that they're mysterious or yukky so I have shown them tampons etc and explained how to use them. (They asked!)
I don't have a mooncup but I use soft cups (first bought them in the US about 15 years ago, called Instead. You can buy them in boots now though I usually buy them on Amazon)
I will happily use all such items in front of my boys aged 9 and 10. I don't want them feeling awkward or uncomfortable and I say things like, one day you'll have girlfriends who will have periods. So it's just normal.
They've seen used tampons etc, not on purpose I hasten to add! Just so happened to come into the bathroom at that point.
I found periods embarrassing as I was growing up with a brother and my dad. I don't want my boys feeling embarrassed or uncomfortable. It's just a bodily function that needs dealt with and they know that I like to keep myself even cleaner then.
They're perfectly matter of fact about it all, which is exactly what I wanted.
Though I'm not so open with dh

Floggingmolly · 19/09/2016 22:42

I'm all for openness, but don't you think inserting a tampon / mooncup in front of your 10 year old son is a touch on the over sharing side??
Surely there's no need for an actual physical demonstration?

PeppasNanna · 19/09/2016 22:47

I feel like a right weirfo reading this thread!
I've never discussed periods with dp. 17 years 4 dc. Extreme pain & flooding in the last few years but its never entered my head to talk to him about it!

Ptarmigandancinginthegloaming · 19/09/2016 22:47

I agree, I think there are things that are personal and not for sharing with the kids, and inserting ANYTHING there, is well into that category :-0!

Lalsy · 19/09/2016 22:49

Sparechange, yep to that. TMI again coming up.....I can feel the clots slithering down the side with tampons and sometimes find it hard to concentrate on what I am saying!. The mooncup is much better at catching them but I have had a couple of occasions when gravity has then dragged the whole thing out, and I have had to rush to the loo with a strange shuffle before disaster.

Just, my pleasure! For comparison, at its heaviest overnight, the flow fills a larger mooncup in an hour and I then get woken up by the feeling of fullness. And an ultra tampon lasts maybe two but I don't necessarily get woken when it starts filling the towel. I am nearly 50 tho so periods rather all over the place.

SpecialStains · 19/09/2016 22:50

Yanbu. One of the advantages of having a medical dh is that it's impossible to gross him out! Very useful throughout the pregnancy and childbirth experience. I think you should be able to talk to your partner about these things. More odd for a grown man to be freaked out by periods imho.

Beebeeeight · 19/09/2016 22:50

My DP puts mine through the dishwasher with the rest of the load.

Funko · 19/09/2016 22:51

I scrub mine with the loo brush beebee

JillyTheDependableBoot · 19/09/2016 23:01

Periods are no more disgusting than wee, poo, earwax, whatever. Doesn't mean I want to hear my DP say, "OMG, I had the most amazing shit earlier/got the hugest lump of wax out of my ear/whatever." I'm actually quite repressed in that I don't particularly want to talk about that stuff, but do talk about periods with DP because it has a bearing on our sex life. He'd buy me tampons if I asked, he's cool with the odd bit of blood, but I don't think I'd feel the need to confide in him about how I manage my periods any more than he'd confide in me about his bowel movements.

sparechange · 19/09/2016 23:03

peppas
How can you have never mentioned periods to him?

Does he never ask how you are feeling, or see if he can do anything for you?

Pettywoman · 19/09/2016 23:04

A word of warning if you're a first timer and going to buy one. I lost my Mooncup once and bought a cheap, generic cup from China on Amazon for a couple of quid. It was awful, too squishy and just didn't work. I've tried Meluna and Mooncup and they're fab.

And do cut the stem off the Mooncup. Much more comfy.

BillyDaveysDaughter · 19/09/2016 23:06

I'm rather disappointed that I don't have periods (mirena coil) so can't try one.

My DH does his best but is a little squeamish about such things - not so much that he wouldn't be faintly intrigued though. He also describes his poos to me, but takes greater pleasure in making me gag by giving lengthy diatribes about his farts.

neonrainbow · 19/09/2016 23:11

Mooncups are gross. No wonder he shan't want to talk about it.

LordBuckley · 19/09/2016 23:36

I mean, if I had a problem with it and needed his help I'd expect him to suck it up

PeppasNanna · 19/09/2016 23:43

Sparechange. No he wouldn't ask as I haven't ever said anything about my periods. Why would I? Whst would he do?

NatashaGurdin · 19/09/2016 23:45

I've reached the age to not need them any more but I used a menstrual cup and washable pads for the last few years and wish they had been around when I was younger!

Lots of users report that they help with period pains and that they find that they don't have as heavy periods as previously but I don't think any research has been done into why this happens; some theories involve the negative effects of disposable products such as the chemicals in them and I think personally because the blood flows into a cup rather than be soaked up by a tampon the flow is spread out more and of course cups are quite a bit more capacious than even the biggest tampon but need emptying fewer times in a day and are considered safer because the risk of TSS is reduced (to almost no risk I think?) perhaps because the cups don't make the vaginal environment dry as tampons do? The cups can be sterilised as well which tampons can't.

I've bought quite a lot of my products from this site (there are quite a few sellers around now though):

www.femininewear.co.uk/

Apparently they sell 18 different brands of menstrual cup. A lot of them come in interesting colours too! The owner is also helpful if you aren't sure which one might be suitable (eg it can be affected by whether your cervix is high, middle or low during your period so the designs of some cups suit different cervix positions). There are several different sizes, firmness and shapes so there is one for nearly every woman and I think fans of them often have more than one cup, perhaps for different days or activities?

There is also a lot of information about cups and pads on YouTube as people that make them often have YT channels to help in spreading the word.

Floggingmolly · 19/09/2016 23:46

What would anyone actually need help with?!

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