To get annoyed when people say I had an easy labour?

[g1nthemystery]

AIBU that every time someone hears that my labour lasted 3 and 1/2 hours it really annoys me that they always say something like "oh a nice/easy one/lucky you/I'm jealous" you get the idea.

Does anyone else have this? My labour was pretty horrific - I went straight from no labour to suddenly established labour. It was agony, I had no time for drugs, and it happened so quickly that there were multiple complications right at the end.

The whole episode left me and DP pretty traumatised - DP went from wanting 3 kids to just the one simply because he never wanted me to go through it again!

Usually I reply along the lines of: "not really."

I get every labour is different and difficult in their own ways, guess I'm just irked that people assume I got off lightly and am somehow lucky because it happened in less time.

I had 6 hours of established labour and really only count that. Some women seem to think length is an indicator of how tough labour is and that longer somehow warrants more sympathy/praise.

Case in point, a close family friend kept going on that she was in labour for 48 hours and had to be kept in for days afterwards because her BP was high. Then turning to me and saying "But yours just popped right out, didn't he!"

My DM was there and gave her the death glare, saying "Maybe so, but poor Rhoda spent the next 3 days having blood transfusions for her haemorrhage."

It then transpired she was counting pre labour too. I'm a bit of a devil and said "Oh well if we're counting that then I was in labour for over 100 hours!"

I don't usually compete, unless someone is blatantly competing themselves.

For what it's worth, my labour was pretty easy, it was the aftermath with haemorrhaging, surgery, transfusions etc that was hell.

I'm with you. I have 3 children.

First labour was very textbook (read any baby book and that was my labour) bar it happening at 34 weeks. 9 hours. Speedy recovery. Baby didn't need special care and was home 5 days later as they just wanted to monitor for a few days until.she put on a bit of weight.

Second was 3 and a half hours. Again 34 weeks. Was 3cm for 3 hours in very little pain and then within half an hour I'd delivered and he'd been taken to NICU. It was fucking horrible. I couldn't keep still. I couldn't relax. I didn't even remember what my baby looked like from the brief cuddle. I just stood in the shower bleeding heavily and crying then ran off in wet clothes to sit outside the neonatal unit until I could go in.

Third was full term. 8 hours baby back to back until I was 10cm when he turned. I had cripping SPD and Had an epidural. Had fits after. BUT I'd do that one again because I got to be the first person to hold my baby instead of laying there waiting to see if it was alive or seriously ill or what.

YANBU
Exactly the same for me, two very short labours. First child nearly born on a train as result. Was completely put off having a second in case it popped out in Tesco or somewhere like that. After a big heart-to-heart with DH we decided to have a second - nearly had the same problem.
Horrific and wouldnt wish it on anyone. I was offered counselling about it.

Lol mine was about 5.5 and drip induced. Not nice at all even if it was fast.

I think havin a baby generally hurts and is a bit shit whatever the circumstances

Yes

Time is no indication of ease

Double yes.

42 hours here. Established back to back labour. It was exhausting and excruciating.

To be honest its just a crap design full stop

The real crisis here is that you can effortlessly amass so many stories of women being damaged mentally and physically by childbirth in such a short period of time.

Maybe we need to stop belittling each others experiences before anyone will take seriously the idea that it is scandalous that so much damage is done to so many women so routinely every year/month/day.

I think if someone has had a worse birth than you then maybe it is reasonable for them to make that comment and genuinely not mean to annoy you. I have 4 children and they have been all lengths and always ended in some sort of emergency so I would definitely still go for the shortest option. My second was back to back and they only realised after hours of me pushing and then saying I wanted to go home (yes, she was still in there!) I was so exhausted I just literally gave up. If you told me your labour story I might even have made the same comment with absolutely no intention to cause offence. I just know it can get pretty horrific for some people and although my own have traumatised me, I do still count myself lucky. Just brush it off and be thankful for your little baba I say

I had a "precipitous" labour and almost left it to late to get to the birth centre.
Lucky I did ... my Fanjo was like liver put through a blender from wee hole to poop chute. Also no time for drugs.

Midwife explained that it was like I'd been induced with the wrong dose and "bang". Dd properly shot out.

Having said that I feel very lucky that I made it in time and therefore was in the right place to assess and mend said liver Fanjo.