To get annoyed when people say I had an easy labour?

[g1nthemystery]

AIBU that every time someone hears that my labour lasted 3 and 1/2 hours it really annoys me that they always say something like "oh a nice/easy one/lucky you/I'm jealous" you get the idea.

Does anyone else have this? My labour was pretty horrific - I went straight from no labour to suddenly established labour. It was agony, I had no time for drugs, and it happened so quickly that there were multiple complications right at the end.

The whole episode left me and DP pretty traumatised - DP went from wanting 3 kids to just the one simply because he never wanted me to go through it again!

Usually I reply along the lines of: "not really."

I get every labour is different and difficult in their own ways, guess I'm just irked that people assume I got off lightly and am somehow lucky because it happened in less time.

My 4 hour labour was much harder than my 17 hour labour YANBU.

People say it to me all the time and it drives me mad. I had a kind of PTSD from my short labour because it was such an absolute shock to progress so quickly (was expecting another long one, no-one prepared me at all). I went from doing over 3 hours of contractions at home to being raced to hospital and almost giving birth in the corridor and was 8cm when I arrived. Along with other complications such as his arm getting stuck and having to literally be pulled out with eff all pain relief

Yanbu at all! Very similar experience here, no time for pain relief and very dismissive midwives plus the fact that it was dc1 meant that it was a very scary experience and I was overwhelmed and out of control. When it happens so fast you don't get the gradual build up you're told you will have and if you've never done it before you can think (as I did) that you're just making a fuss over nothing and it is going to get much worse. That is not to say that long labours are fun either but people should never judge another person's experience based on their own

I also agree with PP about contraction strength. With my 17hr labour i had time to breath in between, compose myself, they weren't as strong.

With the 4 hour I had roughly 2-3seconds in between my contractions it was continuous and they were excruciatingly strong. I swear it was like someone opened up my cervix as fast as a packet of crisps It felt like tearing/slicing rather than pushing/stretching

YANBU I think that one of the difficult things about a short labour is that the MWs think you're being a wuss when you're in so much pain when you're in 'early labour' My MW tried to take the gas and air off me and get me out of the pool as I was going to get tired being on gas and air for 'so long' and perhaps I should think about pethidine. Luckily it was my third birth and I knew my body and could argue to stay in the pool and keep the gas and air and refuse the pethidine. He was born within the hour. He was my worst labour by far. I woke having contractions that were so intense, the only change was they got closer together. No easing into it like the others. I know that I am lucky to have had comparatively easy labours with all of mine though.

I posted earlier and reading this has changed my mind. Actually I do get pissed off at people saying how easy mine was because the speed was shocking and I did feel very frightened that if this was early labour, how painful would it get? Also, no breaks between contractions at all from the start.

I always nod and agree when people say how lucky I was because I was thinking length was the only factor.

I'm with you OP!

Yanbu. Someone who says their own labour was easy is annoying --and lying

Someone who judges other peoples labours are just being a moron.

For me my 6hrs of agony labour was easier than the 21 hour one, mainly due to just running out of stamina. But ultimately all labour is evil- third degree tear both times for me.

I don't think any labour is 'easy'. So much can happen, pain levels, tearing, haemorrhaging, problems with baby etc etc

However some may seem more preferable to others.

My mum was done in a few hours with me, had minimal pain for most of it and only needed has gas and air. Myself personally I was in pain 4 days, and over 2 days was non stop agony not a single second of relief. 50 hours without even a minute of sleep or food and only ounces to drink. 2 failed epidurals. I was begging my mum and partner to kill me. They were terrified. I was convinced we would both die anyway the pain was so bad. It was the day after Christmas and I was neglected badly due to staff shortage. Baby had bad time at end but thankfully was okay and only needed ventouse but I tore badly. I hallucinated awful stuff from sleep deprivation.

So although I wouldn't call a 3 hour labour that was painful and with certain complications easy, I will admit that I do secretly wish when I hear these kind of stories in real life that mine had been a little more like theirs to be completely honest. I would never say that out loud to them as it wouldn't come across well and I wouldn't want to offend obviously. But yes, I do wish mine had been, well, shorter if nothing else. That amount of time in agony really fucked me up. It was torture. Even if it were a tenth of that time though it wouldn't have been easy, of course not! Still painful. Just easier by comparison. I don't think that's offensive at all. I think it's just a natural reaction to a traumatic event.

I have so much respect for any woman who has a tough labour for whatever reason, whether it's 2 hours or 2 days. I wouldn't tell them they were 'lucky'. Because I'm not a dick. So YADNBU.

I am still dealing with that trauma almost 2 years later and terrified of getting pregnant even though I'd love another.

I'm with you OP. I wish people wouldn't judge other's birth experiences but people are twats.

I often get told mine was easy because no labour and I didn't do the last bit of pregnancy. It used to upset me but now I call people out on it. EMCS, premature baby and 4 blood transfusions. But no labour so therefore easy...

Completely with you on this. My labours were 2 hours and 20 minutes. Both very scary as went from nothing to full blown labour straight away. Luckily I was already in hospital both times. First baby the midwives didn't believe I was ready to push and told me it would get worse and that I couldn't have any drugs yet. They were a bit surprised when I showed them ds head popping out! 2nd one dh almost had to help deliver because the midwife had disappeared and made it back just in time. I always wanted 3 children but have been told a third labour would likely be even quicker which scares the hell out of me, what if I wasn't in hospital? At home? Alone? Every labour is different and hard!!

My labour with DD2 was about an hour and a half from waters breaking to baby. I remember sitting in the car on way to hospital saying to DH that I couldn't possibly be in labour as I had no pain at all, not even a twinge. But I went from that to absolute agony out of nowhere, the delivery was so fast I had no time to prepare or ready myself - was in complete shock and tore from fanjo to arsehole. Took me days to get over the shock

Also totally agree with what other posters have said - when the pain did start I was shatting myself as I thought it was 'early' labour pains and was terrified about how bad it was going to get

Yes I totally agree OP.

And the most horrific part about the first one is when no one believes you and just thinks you are taking it really badly, and you even begin to doubt yourself because you feel like you want to die and wonder how it can possibly get any worse!

I remember being on my hands and knees in the reception of the hospital begging them for drugs. They wanted to send me home as I couldn't possibly be in established labour when the pain only started 20 minutes ago. I had the urge to push before they'd even got me through triage with my second.

Horrible.

Oh I do love a competitive birthing thread!

DD1 was 10 days late. I had a slow labour for three days, followed by intense labour for 8 hours followed by an emergency c-section after she nearly died.

I then spent 8 fucking days really ill in hospital before being allowed home.

I'd have loved a natural birth and I'd have loved to have got home a bit quicker and healed a bit quicker.

DD2 was an elective cs and it was a doddle compared to first time round. In, had her, out in 36 hours. Fabulous.

So sorry to hear that April. It's not offensive- I honestly understand. Hope it works out in the end for you

I think comments like these come under the category of people just wanting to say something nice and reassuring but failing miserably.
I had a long labour, and have been jealous of those with shorter labours in the way that one tends to think that the grass is greener etc. The only thing I'm not understanding here is about the not having time for drugs. I get that there would be no time for pain relief to be administered, but if you have a long labour (well in my experience), you spend several hours writhing in pain before you decide that yes, perhaps pain relief would be a good idea. It's not like you think "ooh, this is taking a while, let's sort out some lovely drugs".

Muddy I think you can ask for an induction to ensure you're in a safe environment if you have a history or rapid labour. At least that's what my GP told me!

Yanbu, l don't think labour is ever easy and very much sympathise that you weren't able to get pain relief, that was one of my major fears going into it.
I was sort of the other end of the scale, I was having painful contractions for over 40 by the time I gave birth... I was only in 'established labour' for about 14 and had an epidural as soon as I could which was absolute heaven.
For the 20+ hours before that I was in absolute, excruciating agony. I was having contractions every few mins for that entire time but just wasn't dilating. I was on my hands and knees begging for pain relief but kept being told I wasn't in labour so couldn't have anything.
It was incredibly traumatic and I don't know if I will ever have another (always planned to have 2 or 3). There was a horrible point where I genuinely wanted to die and was trying to think of a way to do it. It was a few months ago and I still have to fight tears when I think about it.
I think it's a shame that there isn't more support for women who have had difficult labours, I can totally understand where you're coming from, not fair for others to make those comments. I can't imagine pushing a baby out without any pain relief!

I had a 24-hour excruciating back-to-back labour, and then a super-fast labour which resulted in DD almost bring born in the car.

Had episiotomy and forceps first time round, and DS was pulled out unresponsive as he'd been struggling that long. It was horrendously traumatic.

My quick labour (DC2) was bliss by comparison - although it was extremely painful, I couldn't have any drugs, and I tore so badly I've since had to go back to hospital for further surgery. I thought I was in for the long haul again, so didn't rush to hospital. Ended up with DD almost being born in the car.

I'd definitely take the quick labour over the long one. Absolutely no question - three hours of agony is preferable to 24 hours of agony.

And I actually got a space between contractions during my fast labour. OK, it was only a matter of seconds, but there was no gap at all in the back to back labour first time round.

My DD's birth was 27 hours, dragged on and on with slow progress. DS was 4 hours from first pain to finish. I definitely preferred the second one. having said that, YANBU because everybody's experience is different.

YANBU, but I guess people often rightly or wrongly measure a labour's 'hardness' by length. So not much you can do about it apart from think 'whatever' and console yourself that what they think you did or didn't go through matters not a jot.

YANBU. My best friend had 3 really quick labours. Three, two then one hour and she said it was really traumatic. Her kids are in their 20's now but I will mention this thread and give her a hug when I see her at the weekend.
I found when I had my kids some women were almost competing for longest, hardest, most painful birth. I had 3 totally different births and they all hurt but the quick one was the worst as I was too far dilated to get any pain relief.

I had exactly the same Definitelynotruth, I ended up having a really good go at dying after my last c section, resulting in being put to sleep and after a couple of heart stopping hours, I was given a total hysterectomy at the age of 24. My first labour was 28 hours and ended up in a c section. So from that point on the other 2 were elective sections. I think each birth is personal and as long as there is both a healthy mum and baby, what does it matter?

A longer labour is only more manageable if you're given pain relief and support for it. Otherwise it's what you experienced, but over a couple of days, not 3 1/2 hours.
So maybe yours was "easier" in comparison but that doesn't mean it was anything but horrendous for you. I do wish people wouldn't say such things though, how do they think its going to make you feel better?
Have you tried the MN head tilt and "did you mean to be so rude?"

My labours were 12 hours, 4 hours and 3 hours respectively. For me the quicker labours were by far the easiest and although (obviously) painful I did feel I had been very lucky in comparison to a lot of women. However no one can judge another womans birth experience and clearly for you it was traumatic so yanbu!

My ten hour labour was much much easier than my 28 hour one where I went into labour late evening and violently threw up from the first contraction to the last. I was exhausted and ended up with vacuum and forceps, cold and shaky. I don't remember holding the baby at all that first night and wasn't interested at all. In contrast while no picnic the ten hour one was much much easier. I was more scared of throwing up like that again than the pain.

So while I can see why a two hour labour might be an insane rollercoaster I don't think a longer=slower and easier rule works.