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Original poster

Would you give up your surname of you got married?

925 replies

windowt · 18/09/2016 20:27

I'm so undecided Sad

OP posts:
DollyBarton · 18/09/2016 22:10

My DH was surprised I wanted to. I'm no less me with or without the name I was born with. I just thought it was a nice little old tradition but there is no power struggle in my relationship so I don't feel the need to make a point by either changing it or not changing it.

BettyCrystal · 18/09/2016 22:10

I changed mine.
Didn't think about it...
Just did it.

BuntyFigglesworthSpiffington · 18/09/2016 22:11

'Who's name do you have then beebeeight?'

Her birth name I'd imagine! I'm guessing you're probably saying 'I bet you have your father's name' and she well might but none of us have control of the name we're given at birth and I do feel we automatically own that name. It's not just 'our father's name' as people love to say.

DollyBarton · 18/09/2016 22:11

That last sentence should have been two sentences for correct meaning.

BluishSky · 18/09/2016 22:11

MrsBattleaxe

Exactly!

We're not talking about changing a first name - just a family name. That is really not my identity.

OvO · 18/09/2016 22:13

My maiden name is a slang word for penis.

I took his name happily. Grin

I like my surname now, though when I first changed it I was aggrieved that he didn't have a cooler name. We really should have just made up a new one. My DH suggested it and I can't remember why I didn't go ahead with the idea.

MsJamieFraser · 18/09/2016 22:14

All my home documents are in my married name, all my work documents are in my maiden name, bank cards etc... Are double barrelled names.

StatisticallyChallenged · 18/09/2016 22:14

*I lose respect for women who do this.

I don't say so to them. But I'm thinking it.

Slaves were given their masters' names. They didn't have a choice.*

Oh FFS. Get a grip. I made an active decision to change my name because I wanted to. I'm very feminist actually, but I'd change it again if we were getting married again tomorrow because I wanted to. I'm no slave and DH is no master.

BuntyFigglesworthSpiffington · 18/09/2016 22:15

'After all, the name you were born with is your father's name. You're still keeping the name of a man.'

This is the kind of mentality I'm referring to. At what point can a woman say she owns her name? Is my brother's name more his own because he's a man?

GrumpyMummy123 · 18/09/2016 22:15

I did. I guess my whole life I have always assumed that if I got married I'd change my name so didn't think twice to be honest.

I'll always be my maiden name, thats my family. But changing my name to my husbands symbolised starting a new phase as in our married life.

Lots of my friends (with kids) either aren't married or haven't changed their name for various reasons (principle, professional, culture of their home country etc) and it's not and issue. Whenever I fill out forms, do anything official, go to groups, classes etc no one seems to assume anything either way. The child may or may not have same surname as mum (or dad) no one bats an eyelid whatever.

MissBattleaxe · 18/09/2016 22:16

Slaves were given their masters' names. They didn't have a choice

My husband doesn't own me.
I'm not his slave.
I chose to
I did this willingly, without pressure or coercion.

It's not the same Beebee.

I can't believe you lose respect for your friends over it. I respect my friends depending on whether they are nice or not, not on whether their choices meet my requirements of them.

witchywoohoo · 18/09/2016 22:18

I didn't.
My children have both mine and husband's but not double barrelled.
We are very much a 'unit', despite me not having the same name as my husband.
There has NEVER been an issue with me having a different last name to my children - it has never made life any harder so I can't understand those who say changing their names made life "easier".

When we were engaged my husband to be asked if I was going to change my name, I asked him if he was going to change his. He said no. I said no. Simple.

hazeyjane · 18/09/2016 22:19

I was glad to get rid of my surname. My dad was an arsehole, and his father an arsehole.

BluishSky · 18/09/2016 22:19

I think my view is that no one owns a surname - no man, nor woman as it has been passed down. The fact that I chose to take my husband's makes me feel like I own it more as I have a decision to take it.

My husband's name is his father's as mine was my father's. He could have taken mine, but we didn't want to do that.

Oysterbabe · 18/09/2016 22:19

My maiden name is a slang word for penis.

Is it shlong?

Makemineacabsauv · 18/09/2016 22:20

Did once, reverted back to my maiden name after divorce and if I ever got married again I would keep my own name.

witchywoohoo · 18/09/2016 22:23

'After all, the name you were born with is your father's name. You're still keeping the name of a man.'

This is the kind of mentality I'm referring to. At what point can a woman say she owns her name? Is my brother's name more his own because he's a man?

For me it is less about the origin or ownership of the name - but the fact that the expectation is placed on the woman to change name and not the man.

catweather · 18/09/2016 22:26

We both kept our own names and if/when we have children they'll be portmanteaus - so say my last name was Smith and his was Green, they'd be Greensmiths.

I fully support people taking their partners names but I do get frustrated when I hear women say they never even considered for w moment not having their husbands name, I've had a few conversations like that and I just don't understand it.

BuntyFigglesworthSpiffington · 18/09/2016 22:26

I just hate the idea that a woman's name is seen as something that should reflect the partner in her life. There have been threads on MN from women who've changed their name at marriage and then felt a pressure to give up that name upon divorcing. As though she no longer has a right to that name as she's no longer with that man.

NoBetterName · 18/09/2016 22:27

No I didn't. My ds have dh surname, but only because he also has older dc from his former marriage and we wanted all dc to have the same surname, so they felt more like siblings. My surname is actually from my df adoptive parents, so is actually only 2 generations in our family (and df didn't get on with adoptive parents). However, it may not have much history, but it's my surname and that's enough for me. It's also the name I built my career in too.

ChiefClerkDrumknott · 18/09/2016 22:28

No. Simple as

BuntyFigglesworthSpiffington · 18/09/2016 22:28

Chery Cole is only in her early thirties and she's already had three surnames. It just seems silly.

Blu · 18/09/2016 22:30

While anyone thinks like Toga, or fewer men than women change their name, I couldn't do it.

Anyway, not married, not getting married, if I was we would have our own names , and DC hyphenated , like now.

LOL at double barreled being pretentious. In our inner city S London primary huge numbers of kids had hyphenated second names, all due to C21st attitudes amongst women, parents not married etc. NONE of them remotely posh or wannabe.

Kr1stina · 18/09/2016 22:31

No

NoFucksImAQueen · 18/09/2016 22:33

Same as Lola I did but I hated mine anyway. I also don't really like his and would have preferred we both changed names. I would have liked to change it to my foster sisters surname but the fallout from his parents and mine would've been too much

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