Would you give up your surname of you got married?

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I'm so undecided

If men and women changed their names in equal measure then it wouldn't be damaging. The whole reason it is damaging is that it us something women are expected to do that men aren't.

I don't know how much easier we can make it. Changing your name is not damaging. A decision that is unilaterally faced by one gender and not the other is damaging, as this reinforces that there is only one choice to make.

The pressure is not just on women as well, men face even more pressure. Plenty of men in my ideal equal world might love to change their names for any of the reasons discussed on this thread - but in the society we have, explaining that to your boss, or your father, or your mates could I imagine be quite intense

It's one thing to have not thought about it, or to understand on a societal level but think it's fine on a personal one, or even to just plain disagree!

Disingenuousness is just irritating though.

Choicey feminism is only one brand of feminism, it's not the one true definition.

the unifying point of it all is the right for a women to choose, and have choice.

It's really not

Not really tbh.

Do you know what? I'm going to stick my neck out here and say I think the whole name changing thing is totally and utterly irrelevant. In fact - I will go further and say that, arguably, this sort of debate is damaging to women (and, indeed, to the feminist agenda) because it encourages people to focus on irrelevancies and not on the real issues. Who cares what anyone calls themselves? It's an administrative point - it enables us to distinguish one person from another? The real battle to be fought is access to the economic levers in society. That's what we should be focusing on - and it certainly isn't dependent on whether or not people still refer to you by the name on your birth certificate or not. And if there was as much debate about that - and how to improve it - as there is about what surname we use, then we might see some actual progress.

I am surprised no one has come on yet and said "is this all you have to think about, what about starving gerbils/abused dragonflies/etc..."

or did I just miss them?

I think name is a marker of family, and I would never want my children to have a different surname from me.

On the other hand, I feel v uncomfortable with the idea of giving up my surname and taking a mans.

#onthefence

One of my friends made up a totally new surnname and they both changed their names to it. I like that idea.,

NataliaOsipova

Dangerous waters. Implies we can't critique and analyse instances of sexism unless they are the One True Worst Thing. But who decides what that is!

For me personally, I can definitely confirm the surname changing issue is not my highest crusade and probably doesnt make the top #10 of my issues with this sexist world.

It is, however, the one that was being discussed on this thread

I thought about it, for about a year after we got married. There was no pressure from Dh or society where I live (Sweden.)

In the end I did change. I thought it'd make it easier for me to travel with my son as we have slightly different passports, and I wanted us all to have the same name. It was also a conscious descion to take a very Swedish name as part of the process of integration.

It is, however, the one that was being discussed on this thread

Drylce Fair point - well made!

...but I can't help thinking that if we all turned our attention a bit higher up that list then we might actually improve our lot....!

Here's a suggestion for a worthier cause...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2737574-To-think-that-scholarships-for-women-shouldnt-be-open-to-men?

STEM full scholarship, open to anyone who "identifies in a significant way" as a woman.

BeyondaSpecialSnowflake You are a brave lady! (I hope I haven't caused offence by my assumption that you identify as such!)

It isn't the biggest issue that women and girls face.

I do think it's worthy of discussion.

NataliaOsipova too true. If we could eradicate the rest of the list I will happily promise to never mention changing surnames again!

Haven't read other replies but IMO it depends on which surname is the nicest! I liked both mine and DH's the same and so did the common double barrel thing!

Creativemode Again - that's absolutely fair. I suppose it seems to come up so often here that it's in danger of becoming seen as the biggest issue (if that makes sense?).

I didn't change my name. Too much hassle.

"I think name is a marker of family, and I would never want my children to have a different surname from me."

Ask your Mum how she might feel if you change your name?

Clearly some patriarchal fathers do feel this way, to the extent of threatening disinheritance in the face of grandchildren not bearing their name. but again the great divide; do mothers of grown women, grandmother's have feelings, a say, in all this?

Running friends who didn't change their names found the hassle came when dcs started school. I really hope it's changed now though.

I've got quite an unusual surname that I like and OH a very common one. We've said we would both double-barrel if/when we marry and kids would be double-barrelled as well.