Would you give up your surname of you got married?

[windowt]

I'm so undecided

If a name is so embarrassing and penisy you want rid of it, why on earth would you wait until you get married? Very few of us marry on or shortly after our 18th birthdays after all. I was a fairly young bride, closer to 20 than 30, but even so that was still well over half a decade of adult surnaming. The issue wouldn't arise because if my name embarrassed me, I'd have shed it as soon as I could.

"If a name is so embarrassing and penisy you want rid of it, why on earth would you wait until you get married?"

Because very few people just change their name, it takes thought and some effort. You might really hurt your parent's feelings, you might not want to explain it to everyone and appear like an attention seeker.

Getting married gives you the opportunity to change you name without all that baggage. You also might really like your husband's name - like i did. As far as i know i could be the only "bambambini" in the world.

Changing your name takes infinitely less thought and effort than a wedding. Not really any getting round that. You could also choose a name you like to replace your hated one before meeting your spouse. As for baggage, changing your name on marriage has a colossal amount also, so its whichever type you prefer really.

I wonder what the reaction would be if lots of men starting saying it was sexist. How women name changing meant that families ended up with awful names and that they were making a stand and wanted to name change.

I doubt it would have the same eye rolling reaction.

I changed mine without thinking, however I am now testing out adding my old surname back in as double-barrelled.

I'm thinking if I am legally double-barrelled, I can still choose to be Mrs X when I fancy it (or Ms Y when I'm pissed off!)

If a name is so embarrassing and penisy you want rid of it, why on earth would you wait until you get married

How is a name penisy?

Cox?

Mycock?

Schlong?
Dick
Whanger
Willy

My ds has a teacher called Woodend that they all seem to find hilarious....

I went to school with someone who had the surname Crotch.

And someone called Balls (not Ed though I think a cousin).

I used to know some brothers called Hiscock, and a girl called Cock

I see. So "Penisy" was literal and not just commentary on a patriarchal society. Right-o. As you were.

I know of a Raper, a penisy name is better than that!!

Oh, I also thought 'penisy' was being metaphorical about patriarchy and naming.

Though I remember when I was first living in the US in an area which had a lot of Irish students spending the summer working on a J1 visa, and a bellhop called Corey Langer at the hotel I worked in was the subject of much muffled laughter because 'langer' is Irish slang for penis.

It didn't help that Corey Langer did seem to have regular nocturnal arrangements with certain of the female guests, mind you...

I did change - I hated the old one though so that was part of the decision.
However we planned children and I wanted us to have a shared family name.
Husbands surname was nicest. Double barreling would have been unwieldy and undesirable due to old name being unappealing and my desire to disconnect from my family of birth.
Bit of a headf* when I realised me and MIL had the same name i.e. Mrs X some years later ....doh!

Fao people who have hypenated...
My marriage cert alone is enough proof of it, isn't it?

What if that decision is damaging to other women?

I think that this is an interesting point. I do not consider my decision to name change to be damaging to other women. It doesn't impact any other woman's mental or physical wellbeing, nor does it impact their earning potential or legal rights.

But it does perpetuate the expectation for those around you, and in turn those around them etc. And whatever your reasons for doing it it has links with women being considered possessions. Changing that is hard when women don't consider bucking the trend.

I think it's indirectly damaging to other women.

I think it's indirectly damaging to other women

I disagree. I do not think that choosing to change your name on marriage is damaging. I might agree if we were all forced to by law, but we're not.

Anything which perpetuates the patriarchy is indirectly-or directly- damaging to women.

We picked a new surname. He changed his by deep poll before the wedding and then I took it on our wedding day!

thethoughtfox Snap