Would you give up your surname of you got married?

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I'm so undecided

I'm not saying you shouldn't discuss the topic, or that some women did do it automatically. But there are plenty of posts - including the one I highlighted - which do seem determined to undermine the decision making of women. And never mind changing your name - telling a woman that they didn't make a decision, aren't capable of making a decision or made the wrong decision...that's anti-feminist.

I also don't see why an active choice to change your name is actually anti feminist though. Any more than I think choosing to be a SAHM is, or choosing a traditionally female job. I think when we nitpick at other women's active and carefully considered choices then they absolutely do get put off feminism.

So by all means discuss the topic, discuss the origins of name changing and what other options are available so it stops being the automatic default, but stop telling women they didn't know what they were doing or mocking their reasons.

I didn't. No way. But then again in my home country we dont so DH knew I wouldnt and has never been an issue. My DC will get both surnames. As we do in my country.
Why should women give it up? It is my dad's and my mum's surnames so nope

Thing is you don't come across many women who regret NOT changing their name, felt pressured and bullied to KEEP their birth name, or who DIDN'T change their name on marriage without thinking about it at all, as it's the social expectation which you would be actively going against

Oh one thing I forgot to add to my brilliant solution to this name-changing business, some would also ditch Miss/Mrs and all use Ms.

"So by all means discuss the topic, discuss the origins of name changing and what other options are available so it stops being the automatic default, but stop telling women they didn't know what they were doing or mocking their reasons."

Is anyone mocking?
It's true that a lot of people do think- or want others to think- that they make their decisions completely unpressured or influenced by society. That things just are and don't need to be questioned. It's not insulting to point this out- it's important. We all do it, to a greater or lesser degree. and it is incredibly important that women question, question and question again what is expected of them

Statisticallychallenged to be fair, if this was a different thread then lots of people would have strong opinions on women in the workplace. It's a completely different issue.

There are also other things to consider, like the fact that women are the only ones that can be pregnant for 9 months then give birth.

I'd certainly take issue with a husband saying that he was 'furious'' or 'insulted' that his wife wanted to go to work.

Sorry, 'all women' not 'some'.

Plenty of women don't regret it though. My marriage is long dead, I certainly do not regret changing my name. IME more women regret being a SAHM following marriage breakdown than regret the name change which is something that is relatively easy to rectify.

I love my 'maiden' name and my DH has a really boring surname! so I didn't change it when we got married. But after 7 years of married life DD came along and we had numerous conversations about which surname she should have. DH hated double barrelled - I hated idea of being Mrs 'boring surname' and also loosing my own identity. So in the end DD got the boring surname (!!) and I double barrelled (which I also hate!)
It's a tough one...!!

Dione one doesn't negate the other.

We are not discussing sahm on this thread.

So you 'compromised' entirely wine but your husband didn't at all? Why was his views more important?

I think it's a fascinating topic that should be discussed. I also think there is a huge amount of superiority and disdain showing in many posts from those who obviously see themselves as more educated, more deep thinking snd switched on.

". I also think there is a huge amount of superiority and disdain showing in many posts from those who obviously see themselves as more educated, more deep thinking snd switched on."

Care to name names?

As another poster pointed out we all make non feminist decisions. It doesn't mean we shouldn't continue to question things.

So many things we just accept the way it is but we don't have to.

I gave it a lot of thought before changing to a double barrelled my name-his name when I married XH. I just didn't feel like Mrs XH and I feel like I've retained a bit of my old identity throughout the marriage. DCs are also D-B so at least now we are divorced they still have both our names.

I keep pondering dropping the second part of the surname but tbh it's such a palaver, my name is on so many things for home and for work that I don't even know where to start! And then if I marry DP one day I'll have to change it all again, so I think I'll keep it for now and then worry about changing it another time.

I like the idea of sharing DP's surname one day, the unity and feeling of being a team appeals to me.

"FWIW I am a third wave feminist, and if a women wants to do something, a women does (including taking DPs name). Whats un-feminist about that?"

Oh yes- any choice a feminist choice.

Feminism with the hard stuff taken out. Don't worry, us oldies are still around to do the heavy lifting!

Something being a choice made by a woman doesn't make it a feminist choice. It's not free choice when we live under patriarchy which strongly encourages us to choose one particular way.
http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/07/choices-not-always-feminist/#.V08NsXcLoP4.facebook

And I certainly think of myself as a feminist and I appreciate that the history of having your husband's name goes back to women as property etc, but what about children taking your surname?

Did the women who decided that having a man's name was misogynistic then just make up a totally new name for their DCs or did they pass theirs on? Why mum's name and not dad's? How do the DCs feel about having one of the parent's names and not the other?

It's just a name, it has nothing to do with 'chattels' these days. It's a way to communicate that you are related to each other and on the same team.

Well definitely you for a start Bertrand. I had a slightly similar critical raising of eyebrows when my niece and all her friends didn't seem to even think about it when they all married in the past few years and all seemed excited to change their names. I thought about discussing it with her and reslised i'd probably sound like a superior condescending pain in the arse too - as i know i can be.

It's just a name, it has nothing to do with 'chattels' these days. It's a way to communicate that you are related to each other and on the same team.

So why don't more men do it?

Rubbish. Of course women can be un-feminist. That's not 'third wave' (ie get with the programme, grandma) it's just sloppy apolitical thinking.

Yes for the millionth time, if it doesn't matter, why don't men do it?