Would you give up your surname of you got married?

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I'm so undecided

Good point 53. And instead the Dad's name would often have an ina attached and then be given as the daughter's first name. Donaldina, Jamesina, Douglasina......

My choice seems to be the worst of all words on here. I kept my name but gave DS Dh's name. I have had no cause to regret the decision yet, though life is long (hopefully!) and I suppose I might in the future.

At the moment I am happy to be Ms Maidenname married to Mr Dhlastname and mother of Master Dh lastname. This has applied to me for the last 12 years in this marriage and in my previous marriage (though no kids then)

I just felt resentful of the hassle involved since it only applied to me and not to DH so I didn't do it. Luckily neither men I married (not even my first h) objected. Tbh if either of them had objected, I might have agreed but would have made them do the admin for it with me just signing stuff ( a bit like the queen).

Which are hideous names it has to be said!

Donaldina is nothing - I've seen Henryina and Jobina. yes, Jobina.

I do love Scottish cemeteries with their married couples of different surnames.

Jobina.

What can you see to that horror really?

It didn't occur to me to change my name. I'd have to have really overwhelmingly good reasons for wanting to do that much paperwork and get used to being called something different and I don't think "it's tradition" "it sounds nicer" are anything like up there.

I didn't ask my DH for his opinion either - any more than he asked my opinion on his surname - I don't think he gets a say in what my name is. I don't think I'd marry someone who wanted me to take their surname.

Youre probably right..
I suppose if getting wed and taking your husbands names means youve to rectify 30odd years worth of legal documents it does seem like a lot of hassle. I get why some people would think twice.
I was still using a childs passport when we had our first child and bought a house. Think bank account and credit card was the only thing effected.

I was thinking about the age thing as I know I did that whole "Mrs So-and-So" thing about any boy I fancied at secondary school (and yes, I probably would have become Mrs Le Bon or Mrs Rhodes, had I been asked!)

I had a lovely teacher at my all girls school. She told us she'd got married during the holidays and I asked why she was still called 'Miss X' or 'Ms X' can't remember and why she hadn't changed her name.

She simply said she wasn't changing her name. It had never even occurred to me that you could, but from then I pretty much decided I was going to keep my name too.

I did.

My family is batshit crazy and there's about 3 surnames between the "kids" in the family due to not being married when they were born, then marrying, then divorcing, etc. I've never felt apart of that family, more like an outsider looking in.

Dh's family has welcomed me into theirs from the first time we met and I like "officially" being apart of it.

I was adamant I wouldn't change my surname when I got married (only because mine is much better than his!) but once the day came and the formalities were done, I couldn't wait to take his surname. Shouting from the rooftops and all that. I don't care what anybody says, I believe marriage does change, and should change a relationship. It's not "just a piece of paper." That's just an excuse for two people being long-term complacent.

'I don't care what anybody says, I believe marriage does change, and should change a relationship. It's not "just a piece of paper."'

And what does that have to do with changing names?

That's fine momwomble still doesn't explain why it's so absurd for the man to change his. Especially considering that yours is so much nicer.

I did but only to match the DC tbh. He wanted them to have his name and I wasn't bothered about mine so changed to be the same as them. Very personal decision for anyone and I don't think people really have the right to scoff at other people's feelings on the subject. Everyone's situation is different.

I changed mine for personal stuff but keep maiden name for work.
Plus for passport, driving licence etc I didn't change them straight away, just when they needed renewal, so a few years anyway.

but once the day came and the formalities were done, I couldn't wait to take his surname. Shouting from the rooftops and all that.

See, I didn't feel like this when I got married. If I had, though, it might have made me pretty sad that my husband didn't feel the same.

I think it depends a bit on the surnames involved. I disliked my original surname and was more than happy to take his. But if I'd had a better one (like Miss Wild or Wolfe or King 😁) I would have kept it. And if he had been Mr Pratt or Mr Longbottom I would've strongly suggested he use the occasion to change his name, no way would I be Mrs Pratt! I do think it's easiest and nicest for the children if the whole family has the same name, can avoid hassle at passport control too. If you're really lucky a combination can work well eg some friends took names similar to East and Wood to make the whole family similar to Eastwood.

In Brazil, instead of the random middle names that we often pick in the uk (not always of course, sometimes they're family names too) the children have their first name, then their mothers' surname then their father's surname. So it's not double barrelled. The wife loses her mother's maiden name when she gets married (or not, there are some very very long names here). Effectively as a family you all have the father's surname though iyswim.

Are different names really a huge problem at passport control?

I mean in some cultures it's common for families to have different names. How do they manage?

That would work if men took womens names they liked the sound of. Generally speaking, they don't change their name from Pratt to their wives name. It's only women who say oh well I never liked my name anyway.

I've got a different surname to my partner and son, never had a second glance from anybody including passport control. It's a non issue.

I do find this an interesting topic. The slightest discussion,questioning or musing and people get incredibly heated and start throwing insults around. I wonder why?

I think that's because 99% of the time the whole"I didn't like my name anyway" is just an excuse because they wanted to follow tradition but deep down they know it's sexist.

When have you ever heard a man say he's changed his name to his wives as he didn't like it anyway?

They don't , not even Mr Pratt, Mr Longbottom and Mr Sitface.

No. Not ever. Even worse though I think is not sharing a name with your Dcs. So if you are thinking of keeping your name, definitely discuss with your fiancé beforehand what you plan to do for dc names (if you want children). We went with 2 surnames Spanish style. Other people I know have gone for using surnames as middle names, or even combining their surnames into a new surname.

People don't like examining their motives.

And I think sometimes the name thing shines a bit of a spotlight on family dynamics that could be uncomfortable. "I changed my name to be the same as the children because he wanted them to have his name" is a very frequently expressed reason. And on this thread was "I suggested hyphenating but he went mental" - which was a bit horrible........