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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you give up your surname of you got married?

925 replies

windowt · 18/09/2016 20:27

I'm so undecided Sad

OP posts:
Creativemode · 19/09/2016 14:07

I don't think it's about you taking his name.

mycatsatwat · 19/09/2016 14:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MitzyLeFrouf · 19/09/2016 14:09

BabyBrownEyes my comment wasn't aimed at you!

MitzyLeFrouf · 19/09/2016 14:09

Yes my head has been consumed by my rectum. The doctors say it's terminal.

Creativemode · 19/09/2016 14:11

Do men have their heads up their arses or do all men just have lovely names that suit women?

mycatsatwat · 19/09/2016 14:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BabyBrownEyes · 19/09/2016 14:11

CreativeMode
My brother was born 9yrs before me, that lucky so & so got my mums maiden name. He was the illegitimate child (i think thats whay they called it back then.) Mum had actually married and divorced dad before i came about. I was the accident!

MitzyLeFrouf · 19/09/2016 14:12

I'm not sure, it could be a man mycat but my head's in my arse you understand. So I can't see their face and the voice is quite muffled.

pettyprudence · 19/09/2016 14:12

I changed my name simply because I didn't like my surname, it meant nothing to me. My first name means a lot to me though and I would never change that. Dh wasn't at all fussed about me changing it, but he didn't want to change his, or we never really discussed it given I had no intention of keeping my surname. I also changed mine so that there would be just one family name but in theory it didn't have to be my husbands family name.

A fair few of my friends though have both changed their names after marriage (either creating double-barrelled surnames for husband and wife) or the husband has taken the wifes name, or where not married, the children have taken the mothers surname. I think more people are just picking the surname they like best and going with it.

MorrisZapp · 19/09/2016 14:13

No, there are very many women on this thread who took their husbands name who are as far from being twats as this measuring stick can go.

I have other reasons for my observation. 'Heads up own arses', shall we start with that.

TotallyOuting · 19/09/2016 14:13

Other people can do what they want but I wish they would just say 'I changed my name because I liked the tradition' - I refuse to believe that women so often just happen to dislike their surnames, but almost all men like theirs.

Well I didn't go into the abuse and how I also am very happy to live many hundreds of miles away from my family, who have the name I ended up deciding I couldn't stand to keep. I considered changing it previously just to get rid of it but decided changing it on marriage would be less controversial and therefore less likely to open up a load of conflict with them.

Though as I think I made clear in my posts (I know yours wasn't just aimed at mine), I am fully aware of all the things that make me changing my name a terrible choice, or a letdown, or whatever. On balance I'm happy with it though. I do wish I'd had a surname I felt comfortable keeping, though. I don't like it when people assume I changed for any reason other than those I did change it for - which I wouldn't want to share with random acquaintances (or good friends, really).

Just a thought. Might be easier if all adult women were the neutral Ms.

Where I live everyone is (or rather, the equivalent). Which made the people insisting I was Mrs all the more irritating. Mrs doesn't exist here, and my name change happened as an optional extra on the day of my wedding and did not mention any title. Stop fucking telling me I'm a Mrs!

Careforadrink · 19/09/2016 14:13

I don't get the mockery. Simply because I decided to keep my own name and give my children the same. I only did what men have done for centuries after all.

It's doesn't make me a man hater. Bit I'm entitled to the sa

stitchglitched · 19/09/2016 14:14

By law of averages in at least half of couples the woman must have the nicer sounding names. I do! Do those men also have their heads up their arses if they won't change it to their wives name?

Careforadrink · 19/09/2016 14:14

Oops too soon

Entitled to the same rights.

CitizenBloom · 19/09/2016 14:15

Love how women are so quick to join the feminist hype..always of the edge.

Yes, how weird that women would be interested in equality between the sexes, eradicating the pay gap and improving the rape conviction rate. Dashed odd. Hmm Do you think this is entirely unrelated to a reactionary 'tradition' that regards female birth names as dispensable while male ones are not?

I think some women just have their heads so far up their own arses even if it did suit them more they wouldn't dare in case it looked like they were bowing down to a man.

I'm trying to disentangle the logic of this. In what way is simply keeping your birth surname for your whole life related to 'having your head up your arse'? What does that even mean?

MorrisZapp · 19/09/2016 14:18

Think we're being played. The doctor comment is a bridge too far.

Creativemode · 19/09/2016 14:19

Totallyouting Flowers

Creativemode · 19/09/2016 14:20

No ones said man hater yet have they?

Must be due soon

bumblingbovine49 · 19/09/2016 14:20

I didn't (either time I got married) and it has made my life administratively much simpler (which tbh is one of the the main reasons I kept my surname both times).

For everyone saying ti was too much hassle to keep your maiden name, I felt like changing it was the hassle. All that changing of documents, passport, bank and credit cards, car ownership, car licence - the list goes on...... Then again any one cvan call me Mrs DHlastname and I really don't care. It is just for official documents I have always just had one name, I just like to keep things as simple as possible really.

When I got divorced, I was pleased I didn't have to have to choose between keeping the same last name as someone who treated me appallingly at the end or having to go through administrative hassle and loads of time to change my name back.

My son is my son and my husband is my husband, I honestly don't give a monkeys whether we have the same surname or not

Firsttimemom2013 · 19/09/2016 14:23

I took my husbands name and was proud to do so, it's everyone's choice when they get married to change their name or not but as I'm quite traditional in my values and as I'd had a surname change already in my life (my stepdad adopted me to give me the same surname as my mom and brother) It really didn't bother me and I got excited about becoming mrs barber

Sameoldiggi · 19/09/2016 14:25

Babybrowneyes I think you misread my earlier post - I commented that staying Ms Originalname avoided the problem you referred to. It would be a cold day in hell before you'd see a post from me recommending anyone used "Miss"!!

Creativemode · 19/09/2016 14:25

Firsttimemom2013 you might have posted your real name there lovely.

Just incase.

Sameoldiggi · 19/09/2016 14:27

I suspect the age at which you get married, and whether you had cohabited first, might be linked to how much you want to keep your own name.

Creativemode · 19/09/2016 14:28

I'd hazard a guess that women getting married in their 20s are more likely to change their name.

53rdAndBird · 19/09/2016 14:30

I'm in Scotland, where women traditionally (until the past couple of hundred years) didn't change their names when they married. You'll still see tombstones saying things like "Annie Smith, loving wife of Joseph Brown." So I enjoy telling people that I didn't change my name because I'm just very traditional and old-fashioned Grin