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Original poster

Would you give up your surname of you got married?

925 replies

windowt · 18/09/2016 20:27

I'm so undecided Sad

OP posts:
MargaretCavendish · 19/09/2016 12:54

I had a lot of back and forth on this as didn't really want to change my name, but in the end I decided that I wanted to have the same name as our children and neither of us wanted to double barrel it. Plus it meant a lot to my husband.

Not enough for him changing his name to be discussed as even a remote possibility, though?

CitizenBloom · 19/09/2016 12:56

Agreed, Margaret. Especially when there is a huge and busy baby names forum in which the importance of a name to someone's identity is regarded as axiomatic, and fairly frequent threads (one from just the other day which is probably still active) about how annoyed/overlooked people felt with colleagues/family/friends who continually mispronounced their name or substituted it with another name entirely.

But suddenly, in the context of taking someone else's name on marriage, names are completely trivial and tangential to personal identity. Hmm

Creativemode · 19/09/2016 12:57

That's it, I can understand the fretting over children's names, double barrelling and having a 'family' name.

I can't understand why it's always the woman that ends up changing hers.

Creativemode · 19/09/2016 12:58

Yes and men carry such pride in their family name, and carrying their name on.

MargaretCavendish · 19/09/2016 13:03

Yes, and so many of them are the 'last of their line' (by which they mean they have sisters...). One man told me in all seriousness that his children would have to take his name because otherwise there would be no one to carry it on. That rare name that needed careful preservation? Green.

JudyCoolibar · 19/09/2016 13:04

I did, for purely pragmatic reasons - I was bored with having to correct people who misspelt it. I wasn't bothered about the feminist angle, given that my surname derived from my father anyway.

BumFunHun · 19/09/2016 13:04

Took my DH surname. Didn't seriously occur to me not to tbh. I now have an interesting name (which is humourlessly ironic for my line of work)
DS also wanted his name changed by deed poll when I got married (he had my maiden name) - so we tacked a little ceremony for that on to the end of the wedding ceremony.
Each to their own on this one, there is no right/wrong...

Houseconfusion · 19/09/2016 13:05

Absolutely not. And haven't. DS has both names.

Would never have married a man who even expressed a desire to tell me what to do with my name.

Zanashar · 19/09/2016 13:05

Citizenbloom
Didn't want double barrelled as I see far too much of that at work.......not in a great way.* *
Well let's just say there's a lot of double barrelled surnames and forenames seen in my line of work** ( this may be location dependant though Hmm. I considered double-barrelled myself but that put me off.

As for the whole traditional thing, it depends on which traditions you follow l suppose.
According to my parents' traditions there is no expectation or tradition for the woman to change her surname, nor is there for the offspring to take either parents surname.
So it seems I didn't follow their tradition ( in many ways). Wink

GirlOutNumbered · 19/09/2016 13:05

I did.

I had no particular attachment to my 'given' surname and so chose to go with a new sparkly one. Ironically, my nickname is now my maiden name, so I hear it more now!

I made that choice, DH wouldn't have given a toss either way.

Isitjustmeorisiteveryoneelse · 19/09/2016 13:07

I did and was happy to, it's a nice name and I like that we all have the same surname. However, although been with DH for 17yrs we only got married a few years ago and I have come to realise that I was quite attached to my maiden name! Even after a few years I still have to stop myself saying/writing my maiden name I/o married name. So now I am thinking I might db it, haven't decided about DCs though, they may not wish to and, as they are tweenagers, I'll respect their wishes.

CitizenBloom · 19/09/2016 13:08

Zan, I'm tying to figure out what kind of job is likely to have an awful lot of Kelly-Anne Hamilton-Joneses or the like, and failing...

waddleslikeapenguin · 19/09/2016 13:10

Depends on the name haha! It took me years to pronounce my partner's surname properly, sometimes I still get it wrong and have to spell it over the phone (I live in his native country). So no, he'd be taking mine if he wanted us all to have the same name! The kids already have mine for the very reason that I want my family to be able to pronounce their name!

I have a few academic friends who kept their maiden names for work as they are published, but use their married names for normal everyday life.

Zanashar · 19/09/2016 13:11

I couldn't say Citizen.
Kelly-Anne Hamilton-Jones is actually okay. I see far worse! Wink

Zanashar · 19/09/2016 13:12

Girloutnumbered yes a few of my friends now refer them me by just my maiden name now too Grin

NuclearSwan · 19/09/2016 13:12

I'm keeping my name. Both my kids have it. I'm willing to double-barrel it if he does. Neither of us are willing to give up our names.

BabyBrownEyes · 19/09/2016 13:18

I dont see the point in marriage if i wasnt to take my husbands name..
Each to their own, I'm not one to judge.
I'm just traditional like that.
Being Mrs 'maiden name' would just feel awkward. You know like marrying your dad!

Sameoldiggi · 19/09/2016 13:20

Well that's easily solved by being Ms Originalname, isn't it.

MitzyLeFrouf · 19/09/2016 13:20

'I dont see the point in marriage if i wasnt to take my husbands name..'

What's the point of marriage for your husband? Having a woman take his name?

Careforadrink · 19/09/2016 13:21

I think it's definitely changing. There's not much of a presumption in these parts anymore and judging by my facebook more women are keeping rather than changing.

MargaretCavendish · 19/09/2016 13:22

I dont see the point in marriage if i wasnt to take my husbands name..

And I think if the only thing you think you share in a marriage is a name then that's a pretty sad and lonely marriage.

Don't worry, though, that's just me, I'm not one to judge.

Creativemode · 19/09/2016 13:23

Oh fgs babybrowneyes really?

No point in marriage? I didn't get married so that I could have a shiny new name and what's more I don't need to share a name with him to feel like a family.

I'm not Mrs Myname I'm Ms Myname. I didn't marry my dad I simply kept the name that my parents gave me at birth.

CitizenBloom · 19/09/2016 13:24

I dont see the point in marriage if i wasnt to take my husbands name.

I hesitate to judge, but that looks curiously like extreme underthinking to me.

MitzyLeFrouf · 19/09/2016 13:25

I wonder what percentage of women in the UK keep their own name upon marrying. I'd guess less than 10%.

BabyBrownEyes · 19/09/2016 13:26

'Sameoldiggi' i suppose, but i stopped using the title Miss & rolled with Ms since having kids. Miss to me suggests in young, free and available for marriage, which i am not.