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Original poster

Would you give up your surname of you got married?

925 replies

windowt · 18/09/2016 20:27

I'm so undecided Sad

OP posts:
BrightOranges · 19/09/2016 10:05

because I wanted the same name as my children

So why not give them your's to start with?

It seems so outdated to me. Women have to go through pregnancy and childbirth but then grace their child with the father's name.

Creativemode · 19/09/2016 10:08

Agree bright it's quite radical for a woman to give her children her own name.

Even though she goes through pregnancy and childbirth and will most likely be the main carer for those children.

I hear a lot of women saying "well they heard my heart beat from the inside", well yes that's nice but they won't remember that and it doesn't do much for the ongoing inequality that children face.

Creativemode · 19/09/2016 10:08

*women face

Not children

StatisticallyChallenged · 19/09/2016 10:20

I think I would have deedpolled mine tbh, but I met DH and got married fairly young and his name is one I like and utterly inoffensive. As a bonus he doesn't share it with PIL - weird setup - so it feels like our name. Fil is a right git so I might have felt differently if they'd had the same name

BrightOranges · 19/09/2016 10:34

utterly inoffensive

What a bizarre thing to say. Are there many offensive surnames about then?

Helmetbymidnight · 19/09/2016 10:36

Focker?

My surname is a bit odd, a bit foreign, and a bit hard to spell.
More reason to keep it, I say! We don't all want to be Mrs Bloggs.

Ragwort · 19/09/2016 10:39

I lose respect for women who do this. I don't say so to them. But I'm thinking it.

What a ridiculous statement - how do you earn respect by what your surname is? Hmm

So if you met me, liked my company, enjoyed talking to me and engaging with the same interests that I have ................. at that point there would be no reason for you to know if I was married or not. Then you suddenly meet my DH and I introduce him as 'Mr Ragwort' - do you suddenly lose respect for me & decide you don't want to be my friend? Confused And do you then bother to ask whether I took his surname or he took my surname when we married before you continue with our friendship?. You sound bonkers.

Like others on this thread, I have a complicated history regarding my surname - I took my step-father's surname, never bothered with deed poll or anything, didn't matter .............. so I have never used the actual surname on my birth certificate. I just don't agree that your name defines you, I would hope your actions and behaviour as a member of the human race defines you as an individual rather than a name.

MitzyLeFrouf · 19/09/2016 10:42

'Are there many offensive surnames about then?'

There was a thread the other day where someone mentioned a classmate with the surname Rawbottom. How could anyone think that would be a good name to go through life with, never mind bestow to an innocent child.

BertrandRussell · 19/09/2016 10:43

I don't think I would cause it "losing respect". But I am always sad when women I like make anti feminist choices. Obviously, I know they have a perfect right to. I just wish they wouldn't.

StatisticallyChallenged · 19/09/2016 10:44

Inoffensive in terms of doesn't sound stupid and isn't easily mocked unlike the one I had. It's hardly a bizarre thing to say, it was pretty obvious what was meant in context.

KatharinaRosalie · 19/09/2016 10:45

I'm sure my double barreled children will figure something out when they get to the marrying age. Isn't it great that they will have so many combinations to choose from?

Creativemode · 19/09/2016 10:45

Ragwort I totally agree no one is defined by their name. Yet so many men seem to be that they must carry their name on?

Mitzy I agree so presumably Rawbottoms mum took Me Rawbottoms name and named her children after their father. Why?

Why does the name Rawbottom become an embarrassment when a female gets married?

FinallyARainbow · 19/09/2016 10:45

I changed mine, it wasn't something I thought about, I just knew I would change. Our group of friends have all married in the last 4 years (all late 20s) and no-one considered keeping their name.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 19/09/2016 10:47

Did you have a particular attachment to his name then?

Not really, I just wanted to do it. I had no particular attachment to my maiden name either, it was just something I signed myself as, not part of me.

I lose respect for women who do this. I don't say so to them. But I'm thinking it.

So you can't respect someone else's choice to call themselves what they want?

MitzyLeFrouf · 19/09/2016 10:48

It's not really something you can bring up with your friends without potentially offending and alienating them. And I don't want to do that. But most of my friends changed name without hesitation and even looked a bit surprised when someone asked if they were planning to change it. I do think a lot of women just automatically change their name as they just see it as something you do.

Creativemode · 19/09/2016 10:48

Also Ragwort personally I'd never lose respect for anyone because they changed their name.

I do find it sad that we blindly carry on such a sexist tradition.

MitzyLeFrouf · 19/09/2016 10:50

Mitzy I agree so presumably Rawbottoms mum took Me Rawbottoms name and named her children after their father. Why?

No idea. It seems crazy to me.

Why does the name Rawbottom become an embarrassment when a female gets married?

Personally it's one of the few names I think are genuinely embarrassing and it warrants offloading. But I wouldn't change to my spouse's name. I'd have changed my name by deed poll to something fabulous as soon as I was old enough and stuck with that for the rest of my life.

Creativemode · 19/09/2016 10:53

Think I misunderstood the angle you were coming from mitzy. I hear a lot of people say they changed their name on marriage because they had an embarrassing name. I always wonder why their mother and father gave it to them in the first place!

KatharinaRosalie · 19/09/2016 10:53

I just wish it was an actual choice, and for both men and women. As long as people say that 'well that's just what you do, I didn't even consider anything else' it's not entirely though, is it.

MorrisZapp · 19/09/2016 10:54

Yes my friend discovered it was a bit of an arse ache to sort out all the paperwork post name change. She moaned about it but when I said why not just keep Ms Yourname on your bank account she looked nonplussed. It wouldn't occur to her not to proactively seek out this new identity, even when it's a major hassle involving birth certificates, passports, post office visits and protracted call centre nightmares.

ThomasRichard · 19/09/2016 10:54

I did the first time but I wouldn't now as I'd want to keep the same surname as the DC.

OftenWondering · 19/09/2016 10:55

We made a new name, bit of mine and a bit of his. I love it and when we had the DC they had the new name too.

Crocodillian · 19/09/2016 10:55

I double-barrelled with my British surname and dh's foreign surname. I also have a long and foreign first name and two long and unusual middle names so my full name is a mouthful and I find it amusing when people say so. I wanted to double barrel dc's surname but dh went mental, so their middle names use traditional names from my family.

Creativemode · 19/09/2016 10:57

He went mental croc? Because you wanted a say in what your own children were named? Nice.

MitzyLeFrouf · 19/09/2016 10:59

'I wanted to double barrel dc's surname but dh went mental'

A big 'bog off' to men going mental at women who have the temerity to want their child to have both parents' surnames. Honestly.

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