Would you give up your surname of you got married?

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I'm so undecided

Couldn't wait to. So much easier to spell my married name! Also I match him and the kids now.

Aye Stitched, and how will we manage to argue against that intellectual hardball argument?

No.

It has nothing to do with how "solid" a relationship is - as suggested by some posters. (The people who are judging other peoples' relationships on this basis are just stupid); It usually has more to do with work/profession and the amount of admin and expense required to change it.

Happily in this country it is a choice and you can change your name to Mrs PrimeMinister-LeaderofOpposition-SportsHero if you like!!

Some people worry about the kids - but !in reality it is rare that anyone notices. (How many surnames of DC friends' parents do you actually know?)

My Kids have both names - mine as a middle name. School occasionally wrote to me as Mrs KidsName but knew me by my first name or as XX's Mum.

Do as you wish

God some of these comments are so damn sneery and condescending.

Also on a lightest of light notes - why do women (or men) who keep their own name think that it is part of 'them' when in fact it is probably their fathers name.

RTFT.

How will family tree investigations fare when surnames change amongst familes?

This one also comes up surprisingly often. It's amazing what people will think of to try and defend the status quo, especially when they don't cotton on that it'll make tracing certain lines easier than they are now. But really, do you think future family tree tracers will be using birth and death certificates in a hundred years? It'll be archived facebook statuses.

I did, and I'm a mega feminist!

I think it's a personal choice and there's no right answer. We agreed we wanted the same surname but our names didn't work well together hyphenated. He was happy to take my name, but his name has history and is actually a little meaningful to him. Mine, however, meant nothing to me at all - so it was quite an easy choice!

Waited 17 years til we got married.
Kept my name.
Now unofficially double barrel on everything to do with DD.
I didn't want my name to disappear and be reborn Mrs someone else. Sister couldn't wait to get rid of our father's name & I can't blame her. Mum has remarried and is Mrs maiden name. It's a bleedin minefield innit!!! Just make sure it's your decision whatever you decide - strong opinions on either side but it's about you X

Variation on the theme. A married woman colleague told me that she took her DH's name because "everyone did"; now regrets it; but CBA with the faff and paperwork involved in changing back. Does that ring any bells here!

Of course not. Its indefensibly antifeminist and a triumph of the underthinking 'Oh, it's tradition, innit?' approach in 20 bloody 16.

I haven't read the thread, but I predict that 'Oh, but it's really your father's name, silly!' and 'I couldn't wait to take my husband's name because it's so much nicer than my own!' and 'Of course I did - we're a TEAM' and 'Of course, I wanted to have the same surname as my children' and 'Oooh, if we double-barrelled, what will happen when the next generation marries?' have already come up multiple times.

Not to mention the aggrieved 'It's my choice - and isn't feminism about choice?' one which seems never to have thought about the social conditioning that produces the illusion of 'choice'.

I'm not going to read the thread- been there, done that. But I bet I can list all the reasons why women say they change their name.

1. They want to be a team, or a unit, and you can't do that unless the whole family has the same name. So the woman changes her name.
2. It's easier if everyone has the same name. So the woman changes her name.
3. It was only her father's name, not hers anyway. Unlike her husband's name, which ........er..........
4. Her name was hard to spell, ugly or in some way one of those unacceptable "women's last names". Which somehow men never seem to have.
5. Tradition. Good old patriarchy!
6. So that people will know that the children are the man's. Because what random strangers think about your relationships is so important.

7.Can't hyphenate because the names don't go together. So woman changes.... 8.Can't hyphenate because what will future children do? Their decision, surely?

Snap.

Citizen and Bert you've got it in one

I did. Was married about 5 years when I did it though. I wanted to have the same surname as the kids.

Bang on, Bert. I wonder if the brothers of all the crap name women can't wait to get married so they can become Mr Easy to Spell. I mean no disrespect to those individual women, their choice is none of my beeswax. But collectively it's a bit depressing.

I will do. I love my last name but my dcs have their dads and we can't double barrel as I have 9 letters oh has 10. Poor dcs trying to spell that

My two closest female friends have wholeheartedly changed their names, complete with triumphant 'Mrs Hisname at last' wedding stuff. I don't love or admire them any less, these are strong, intelligent women. I guess it's the prevailing culture I take issue with.

Ok digging deeper now. One of my triumphant Mrs Husband friends is now finding her marriage is traditional in more ways than one. Her dh doesn't pull his weight emotionally or practically in the home. She does pull him up on some of it but for a lot of it it's 'men! What are they like' stuff which I personally think is beneath her.

Maybe the assumption about name changing tradition brings other assumptions too, long after the ink has dried.

Nobody on here will say they now have to do the dishes because they changed their name but I do think it's deeply cultural.

I didn't "give up" anything.
I just changed my surname. I am still the same person, I can still use my previous surname if I want to. I don't understand the angst.
Do whatever you want to do.

Soupdragon what is it that is "smug" about realising we live in a patriarchal society that affects our lives? We are not exactly pleased that this is the case!

The one bit I've never understood is the "proud" bit. And the acceptance that men are never proud to be getting married in that case.

I did as I had no particular attachment to my maiden name. The only problem is I went from a short name that no one could spell to one twice the length that no one can spell!

Did you have a particular attachment to his name then?

But WHY do men

Never have attachments to their names?
Have ugly/hard to spell names?
Think of their name as 'only their father name'?
Consider changing their name to their wife's name to solidify the family unit?

Why oh why?

My male sibling did change his name to escape from our crap one...see explanation upthread.

Statistically actually I know someone that did that. Really embarrassing name, the daughter changed hers on marriage and her brother change his by deedpoll.

It's rare though.

I've known far more women take their husbands awful and embarrassing name.