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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To hate it when men 'joke' like this.

647 replies

KindergartenKop · 17/09/2016 19:29

Maybe it's not always men but I've never experienced a woman who has done this.

So today I took DS1 to a charity shop. He picked two books at 50p each. I gave Ds a pound coin. The man at the till took the books and said, 'That's four pounds please'. Ds looked worried and the man said 'Only joking, it's one pound'. We paid and left.
I've had people say this sort of thing to me so often and it always beffuddles me and makes me feel stupid. Am I the only person who attracts this form of idiocy? Aibu to be pissed off that this man worried my son? It's not fucking funny!

OP posts:
Lweji · 18/09/2016 17:40

Men aren't as terrified as women are that a child may be worried or upset. That's why many men throw children up in the air or try to scare them for a joke... while women watch horrified the child will be traumatised for life.

Hmm

If anything, women are worried that the men will drop the child, which IS a valid concern.
Children aren't usually scared they will be dropped because they trust the person throwing them up.
I still don't see a point in scaring a child just for the sake of it, though.

ShampooForMyRealFriends · 18/09/2016 17:57

I get this all the time and I absolutely hate it. I don't know whether it's because I look particularly gullible, or because I have a bit of a babyface so people think I'm younger than I am, or whether they're all misguided attempts at pulling (yes, in my experience it is always men, almost always fairly pervy men).

Bus drivers, shop assistants, bar tenders. They "pretend" to refuse to give me change, or over-charge me, or to be out of what I'm looking for. On and on and on.

It's not clever, and it's not funny. I always end up feeling humiliated and awkward, and the other person just gets to laugh at me. There's nothing humorous about it, it's just an attempt to belittle me.

Given that it's usually accompanied by a pervy looking-over, I think of it as a kind of "negging" - putting the object of your affections down to make them think they're so shit that they're lucky to get you. It's just a power play, and it's just as bad when done to adults as it is to children.

If you are the type to make this kind of "joke", do everyone else a favour and stop. No one except you finds it funny, and it makes you look like an asshole.

ShampooForMyRealFriends · 18/09/2016 17:58

Also, a lot of people on here seem to think it's just children that get this kind of treatment. It's really not, and again, it's not funny whatever the age of the person on the receiving end.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 18/09/2016 18:07

I only play practical jokes on the fellow jokers in my life, not those whom would be offended, unable to join in etc

Oh how I love the "offended" defence.

It's always the case the person who is not amused by an unfunny practical joke is "offended" rather than the case some prat is being a prat and making an unfunny "joke" at someone else's expense.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 18/09/2016 18:08

*If you are the type to make this kind of "joke", do everyone else a favour and stop. No one except you finds it funny, and it makes you look like an asshole.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 18/09/2016 18:11

Sorry posted too soon. Meant to add and people who don't call you out on it are not doing so because they think you are hilarious ; simply a mixture of politeness and embarrassment.

Oh and I agree with Ego re the £2,000 washing machine "joke". Absurd thing to say, not in the least funny.

Jackie0 · 18/09/2016 18:31

1 LassWiTheDelicateAir

Sorry posted too soon. Meant to add and people who don't call you out on it are not doing so because they think you are hilarious ; simply a mixture of politeness and embarrassment.
Exactly

Also the 'joker' invariably gets disproportionatly angry when the victim doesn't play along , ha bloody ha.

Shampoo - couldn't agree more.
I worked in bars in my youth and this type of negging or making people feel foolish and embarrassed was rife.
Funny now I'm middle aged ( as they were then) and could give a decent come back they don't bother anymore,much more entertaining to make an 18 year old feel like shit. Bastards

Only1scoop · 18/09/2016 19:10

'Oh how I love the offended defence'

How ridiculous.

Just that

Only1scoop · 18/09/2016 19:13

And sarcastic

Not nice

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 18/09/2016 19:38

Not nice ? Bit like practical jokes then ?

Only1scoop · 18/09/2016 19:42

Yes lass you are completely right

FinallyHere · 18/09/2016 20:01

Ah, yes, the joke with the funny bits taken out.

Ego147 · 18/09/2016 20:04

This example of waitress humour is quite funny though. I bet it would have looked bad on Trip Advisor. Or on MN Grin

limitedperiodonly · 18/09/2016 21:07

Men who make inept jokes at children are not the same as men who indulge in negging.

One big difference is that in the first instance, you usually have your mum there to stick up for you.

Juliejelly1962 · 19/09/2016 05:53

I would have said oh by the way your ugly then added only joking and walked away...

wanderings · 19/09/2016 07:19

13 pages on a guy that made an unfunny joke ...
Some of us remember very clearly being the child who was confused and wrongfooted by an unfunny joke, especially if we have anxieties which lasted into adulthood. That is probably why some of us feel very strongly about things like this. And as someone who has volunteered with autistic people, it's one of many things which makes the world all the more difficult for them to live in.

Being on the receiving end of these is one reason of many that I hated being a child: I can remember the feeling of confusion and panic as if it was yesterday, and when you thought you were in control, and suddenly it all comes crashing down. It's especially bad if it's done in a deadpan, totally serious voice, as might be used by an angry adult telling you off. It's harder for a young child to tell the difference.

Can't believe some people are saying low level bullying etc.
I can. "Jokes" like this can be a step towards bullying. I wouldn't be surprised if some school bullies pick their victims by doing this to see who reacts most, and therefore who will give them most laughs later.

Certainly the OP's incident was unwanted teasing, but in spite of what I said above, I wouldn't call this bullying - yet. If the shopkeeper then mentioned it every time he saw the OP's child (which I've had done to me - some bit of teasing I didn't like mentioned again and again), that would be bullying in my book.

I do think that people making jokes like this to children is one thing that makes bullying thrive; it normalises the idea of having a laugh at someone's expense, and picking on a weak target (a child). The children who do like receiving such jokes will then do them on their peers more, including the ones who don't like being teased. And then the children who don't like it will then feel resentful about it, and might start looking for a chance to hit back. As they can't hit back at the adult who made the joke, they're more likely then to pick on someone their own age.

As for the shopkeepers who have done it to adults: well, adults will vote with their wallets. Word gets around. Shopkeepers and sales staff: do it at your peril, see yourself or your shop mentioned by name on Twitter. It also makes it harder for other people who work in retail; see the many other threads on what a shitty job retail can be. And the ticket inspector that was mentioned earlier: I'd have reported him to the ends of the Earth; the fact that he was in a position of a lot of authority makes it far worse.

Now a completely different example of confusing a child over jokes like this: I remember a few months ago a thread where an entertainer said to a child delighted to be invited up on the stage "your feet smell". The child, playing along, replied "so do yours". One of the child's parents then intervened and punished said child for being "rude".

No wonder children get confused.

NavyandWhite · 19/09/2016 07:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Inertia · 19/09/2016 09:42

Well put Wanderings .

itstimeforchange · 19/09/2016 11:08

wanderings, brilliantly put.

AGruffaloCrumble · 19/09/2016 11:22

Exactly what I wanted to say wanderings but couldn't manage it. Thanks for putting it so well.

TheVirginQueen · 19/09/2016 11:31

I agree. The 13 pages just prove that a lot of individual posters all hear what you're saying and are nodding along.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 19/09/2016 11:38

It still goes on into my middle age. Being 22 on the Baron Cohen scale means it still discombobulates. However, being 18 stone and having a resting murder face means it happens once per offender, especially after I replaced the headtilt with a promise to throw them through the window.

TheOddity · 19/09/2016 11:40

Yup. Usually a certain brand of men I'm afraid, they lack empathy or maybe they enjoy repeating what was done to them by male role models. One male colleague who I find a bit strange but DS usually likes a lot pretended to walk off with DS age 3's toy car. DS let him, looked gutted and burst into tears. Think that made him realise it wasn't a reciprocal joke and was more carefulin future. It's not funny, it shows a lack of understanding of children's capacity for humour I think

NavyandWhite · 19/09/2016 11:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lweji · 19/09/2016 11:48

I don't think the OP meant it as a big thing, more like a last drop.

Too many tiny things, a big thing make. channeling my Yoda

As for the 13 pages, what would MN be without the huge threads about nothing?

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