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Original poster

Child maintaince with a greedy ex

484 replies

EveOnline2016 · 17/09/2016 00:02

My brother has his daughter a lot.

This is how it breaks down. 1/2 the school holidays. EOW plus every Monday Tuesday and Thursday after school. Also 1/2 the cost of school uniform.

EOW is Friday after school till bedtime Sunday.

Still ex wants CMO payments.

While he has his daughter he feeds and clothes her and washes and irons the school uniform to send back.

My brother has now stopped the £100 per week maintence or he can't afford to have his dd.

Is this fair.

OP posts:
Ego147 · 17/09/2016 14:14

Yes, but what happens if the RP doesn't cut their cloth accordingly? "Sorry DD/DS no dinner for you tonight, I'm skint." Nope

We don't know anything about the RP either. She could be struggling - or be fine.

I would hope no decent parent would want either ex to be struggling to provide a home etc for a child.

That's why I don't think he should cut off the payments to zero.

Lynnm63 · 17/09/2016 14:14

I know nothing about this as I remain married to the father of my children so out of curiosity I filled in the calculator based on the ops info. To pay £96 a week the NRP would be earning £800. So with £700 a week he can't afford to have his dd at all?
As for 'helping with childcare' it's his own dd not some random child and I assume he's feeding her normal meals pasta and sauce, chicken, veg and wedges kind of dinners not hand fed wagu beef and truffles so a couple of dinners can't be more than a £5.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 17/09/2016 14:14

Yes, but what happens if the RP doesn't cut their cloth accordingly? "Sorry DD/DS no dinner for you tonight, I'm skint." Nope.

Oh come on. Deliberately twisting words.

Ego147 · 17/09/2016 14:15

They are forced to "cut their cloth" in order to make sure their kids are fed/clothed/warm

Only the RPs who don't have enough income.

We don't know about this RP

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 17/09/2016 14:16

I know nothing about this as I remain married to the father of my children so out of curiosity I filled in the calculator based on the ops info. To pay £96 a week the NRP would be earning £800. So with £700 a week he can't afford to have his dd at all?

If he is paying the CMS amount. The calculated amount for him could be £30 per week but he has chosen to pay more, but now can't

Petal02 · 17/09/2016 14:16

And if Dad's skint (like mum) I'm sure he'll also forgo his evening meal so that the children can eat. Why do assume only RPs make sacrifices?

Careforadrink · 17/09/2016 14:17

Exactly. Some NRPs mess about with maintenance claiming they can't afford it.

The RP doesn't have that luxury. If she doesn't provide its negligence.

Accusing RPS of being after a meal ticket when by the nature of parenting they will be making far more sacrifices....financially, practically and emotionally is breathtaking in its entitlement.

Ego147 · 17/09/2016 14:18

Accusing RPS of being after a meal ticket when by the nature of parenting they will be making far more sacrifices

Doesn't that depend a lot on the actual circumstances of this RP - which we don't know?

ayeokthen · 17/09/2016 14:18

Careforadrink exactly! You've just summed it up.

Ego147 · 17/09/2016 14:20

financially, practically and emotionally is breathtaking

Do you know the relationship about this RP and NRP? Do you know what's going on? How they parent? The sacrifices they've made?

No. You don't. I don't. Only they do.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 17/09/2016 14:22

Some NRPs mess about with maintenance claiming they can't afford it.

Some do some don't. Some can afford it some can't.

The RP doesn't have that luxury. If she doesn't provide its negligence.

Some RPs need the money, some claim they do when they don't.

This is the issue. As I have said not everything is clear cut and threads like this tend to have a lot of projection both from RP and NRP 'sides'

Ego147 · 17/09/2016 14:22

At what point does a RP become an NRP?

During the week:

It seems we have 5 mornings at the mum's home.
2 evenings at Dads.
3 evenings at Mums.

Fri - Sun - at mums or dads.
Holidays - 50 / 50.

How are we defining RP and NRP?

Petal02 · 17/09/2016 14:23

I still don't think we can make any helpful suggestions til the OP supplies more info. We're just guessing.

debbs77 · 17/09/2016 14:23

Bloody hell. Poor OP! For once a guy actually paying and actually looking after his daughter, almost half the time from the way I read it.

He also has the same costs as the mum.....a house, bedroom, electric etc.

Bashing someone that does pay! Shame on you

ayeokthen · 17/09/2016 14:24

Whether the RP is a millionaire or on the breadline, their child is entitled to financial support from BOTH parents. The RPs financial situation is not relevant. Anyway, hiding this thread now, the bitter new partners resenting having to pay for kids that aren't theirs are giving me the rage (and a massive headache).

Petal02 · 17/09/2016 14:25

Ego, when you present the info like that, it does sound almost 50/50 - so heaven knows who you'd deem to be the RP/NRP.

Ego147 · 17/09/2016 14:25

In fact - it seems that it's 2 weekday evenings at Mums and 2 weekday evenings at Mums.

The main issue is mornings - and we don't really know about their work situation.

Careforadrink · 17/09/2016 14:25

Thank you Aye. There are none so blind lol.

Ego. The term meal ticket gets bandied about a lot in relation to single mothers not just this thread.

He however has stopped paying any child support. That tells everyone all they need to know about what kind of father he is.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 17/09/2016 14:29

Whether the RP is a millionaire or on the breadline, their child is entitled to financial support from BOTH parents. The RPs financial situation is not relevant.

Of course it is to some extent.

Anyway, hiding this thread now, the bitter new partners resenting having to pay for kids that aren't theirs are giving me the rage (and a massive headache).

Impressed that you know the status of all posters. Or assuming you do.

We have DSD and DSS live with us full time. They never see their waste of space 'D'M. She never pays a penny towards them despite being on a good salary.

I just don't assume I know about others circumstances without all of the info. Jumping to conclusions can be dangerous.

Ego147 · 17/09/2016 14:30

The term meal ticket gets bandied about a lot in relation to single mothers not just this thread

I know it does. But this is the thread under discussion.

He however has stopped paying any child support

What would you have thought if he hadn't stopped paying it - given the fact that it's nearly 50/50 care except mornings during school time?

WomanActually · 17/09/2016 14:32

I think he should pay something. The question is - how much is 'reasonable' given the circumstances that we do know - and there is a lot we don't know.

I personally don't think anyone can answer that question - as we don't know enough about the whole set up.

Reasonable amount means different things to different people, one dad may think paying £100 a week is more than enough to cover every possible expense and be aggrieved if he's asked to help with extras, another Dad may think £100 is reasonable and be happy to lay for extras like trips and clubs because they want their child to experience these things. The CMS Calculater is a good option for those who can't agree, it takes the set up into consideration and gives a minimum amount that's reasonable.

That's the minimum that should be paid, some NRPs will think it's too high, but equally some RP will think it's too low, the NRP should not be able to take it up on themselves and decide it's took high and not pay, just as the RP shouldn't take it upon themselves to decide it's too low and deny contact.

A NRP contact time is for the relationship between them and the dc, it's to benefit the child, not him helping the ex have free time, and maintenance also isn't a dad supporting the ex, it's him contributing towards the costs of the child he created for the time he does not have them. It's for his dd not his ex.

If either parent isn't happy with the calculations then they need to see ways to change the system instead of just stopping paying altogether or refusing contact if they won't pay more etc.

BakerStreetSaxRift · 17/09/2016 14:36

What would you have thought if he hadn't stopped paying it - given the fact that it's nearly 50/50 care except mornings during school time?

I don't imagine there would have been a thread discussing his non-payment of child maintenance then.

What a stupid comment.

Petal02 · 17/09/2016 14:39

It wasn't a stupid comment - it's quite valid as we appear to be looking at an almost 50/50 situation.

eyebrowsonfleek · 17/09/2016 14:40

I think we need more info from OP.

I assume that the dad works at night or early in the day (based on him taking the dd back to mum) If this is true then she is saving him money. (I assume this is why the grandparents are offering free childcare too)

If his wages have gone down or he's paying more than CMS, he may need/want to pay less but suddenly cutting the money and not negotiating a reduction with ex is dickish behaviour.

Ego147 · 17/09/2016 14:40

A NRP contact time is for the relationship between them and the dc, it's to benefit the child, not him helping the ex have free time, and maintenance also isn't a dad supporting the ex, it's him contributing towards the costs of the child he created for the time he does not have them. It's for his dd not his ex

I'm not sure I agree with you there - it's part of being a parent. Being a parent means having that time with your DCs and that's important. It also enables the ex to work and not worry about childcare. There are so many threads on here from people in relationships who can't work because their partner is working - and that stops them from working - or they have to pay for childcare.

I am sure many ex partners would like the opportunity to work rather than worry about looking after their DCs and the potential costs of that - by lost earnings or childcare.

For the other parent, it can be valuable chance to spend time with their DCs - who they may not see enough anyway. But we also know that having that time can come at a cost - parents who prioritise children over work pay a financial price.