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AIBU?

So my dh thinks this ...

115 replies

Shopping11shopping · 15/09/2016 21:51

He thinks that as he has to drive past or sons new secondary school and it makes sense for him to drop him off ( instead of paying £2 per day bus fare ) . It will mean dh gets into his work 10 mins early instead of 30 mins early .
Ds is our youngest and dh has never done the school run.

Dh has just said that he has 'fucked himself in the arse ' as he agreed to take ds to school.

I earn a lot more than dh and my career is taking off so I was hoping to have an extra 30 mins in the mornings for the first time in 10 years . It seems dh won't help wth getting his ds to school .
I feel sad . AUBU ?

OP posts:

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LumpySpacedPrincess · 16/09/2016 07:27

Does he always centre himself and put his own needs before his family?

LumpySpacedPrincess · 16/09/2016 07:27

Does he always centre himself and put his needs before his family?

HeteronormativeHaybales · 16/09/2016 07:28

Should clarify re the early-to-work thing. If you need the time to facilitate doing your job (like the teacher upthread) I think it's not really 'arriving early' at all. But just because you want to faff a bit, um no, if others have to pay for it with inconvenience.

My dh drives to work once a week (usually cycles) and drops ds1 on the way. Ds is then at school quite a bit earlier than he needs to be. Dh is also at work earlier than he needs to be. But all the time he spends in work counts (he's in an environment where he clocks in and out due to security checks - salaried but can, at least theoretically, take all overtime in TOIL) so the family doesn't lose out iyswim. Plus ds could walk or take the bus (has a monthly bus pass and the distance is walkable) but chooses to be driven that day. So it works for all. This situation is different.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 16/09/2016 07:30

Who the hell goes to work 30 minutes early? Plenty of people. Dh goes in an hour early otherwise the train is rammed and he can't get a seat. We have a friend who gets in even earlier as he drives to work and he'd rather be early and at his desk than sitting in traffic.

I think your dh should sort this out with your ds himself and I agree it's ridiculous to pay 40 quid a month if you don't have to.

TeaRexit · 16/09/2016 07:32

LTB

DivorceBadger · 16/09/2016 07:56

Why are people soooo confused y the op?
Yanbu op. He is being A knob

PikachuBoo · 16/09/2016 07:59

His attitude is awful.
Loads of kids at our secondary are dropped off early. I don't know what time the library etc open but plenty are on the grounds. It's a common thing to be dropped early.
Your H is being very selfish at not being prepared to compromise at all. It sounds really nasty that he can't wait until they leave home when they are that young.
Surely a compromise of him getting to work twenty minutes early for his previous faffing and son getting to school ten minutes early could work?

DivorceBadger · 16/09/2016 08:03

I'm actually quite shocked at the number of posters thinking ds should accommodate your h on this and suggesting your h is 'eased into' the 'change'. Seems there's a lot of habitual pandering to men/ad

This.

It's not his first week at school he doesn't need easing in.. If dh had been carrying his weight this whole time it would be normal.

If the op had said they can't really afford it but she wants to send her son to school on the bus because she likes to hang out at work for a half hour she'd get ripped apart

FurryLittleTwerp · 16/09/2016 08:36

Nothing wrong with getting to work early to chill out - I like to do it myself - I'm freelance & work all over the place - nice to be in good time, get set up, familiarise myself if it's a new place, have a cup of tea etc etc...

BUT while I was the one doing the school run & driving here there & everywhere because DH wouldn't help, I didn't have the luxury of that!

Scarydinosaurs · 16/09/2016 08:38

So why can't your DS go in early too?

FurryLittleTwerp · 16/09/2016 08:39

I used to have to drop off DS early - he enjoyed the before-school playtime so it wasn't a problem and then rush like mad to my work in the opposite direction

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 16/09/2016 08:56

Has your DH ever done the school run? Ask him directly why he felt it was OK for you to be lumbered with the school run for years and why he is objecting now its his turn?

Pikawhoo · 16/09/2016 09:49

What an awful attitude. It must feel like a kick in the teeth for him to say something like that, and to be unwilling to help in a small and very reasonable way, after you've done the school run for so many years.

I don't see why he can't do it, and it would save you money and time. I also think it's really rude of him to make your son feel like an inconvenience. Can definitely see where you are coming from; YANBU and I'd be wondering whether this was really a partnership!!!

Lorelei76 · 16/09/2016 10:33

Furry, your DH wouldn't "help" with his own DC either?

FurryLittleTwerp · 16/09/2016 10:45

Lorelei not if there was the slightest hint of inconvenience to himself

occasionally he'd ring & say he was on his way to pick him up, usually after I'd already set off, & never once the lift share started as he didn't want the other children in the car

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