So my dh thinks this ...

[Shopping11shopping]

He thinks that as he has to drive past or sons new secondary school and it makes sense for him to drop him off ( instead of paying £2 per day bus fare ) . It will mean dh gets into his work 10 mins early instead of 30 mins early .
Ds is our youngest and dh has never done the school run.

Dh has just said that he has 'fucked himself in the arse ' as he agreed to take ds to school.


I earn a lot more than dh and my career is taking off so I was hoping to have an extra 30 mins in the mornings for the first time in 10 years . It seems dh won't help wth getting his ds to school .
I feel sad . AUBU ?

[FurryLittleTwerp]

Lorelei not if there was the slightest hint of inconvenience to himself

occasionally he'd ring & say he was on his way to pick him up, usually after I'd already set off, & never once the lift share started as he didn't want the other children in the car

[Lorelei76]

Furry, your DH wouldn't "help" with his own DC either?

[Pikawhoo]

What an awful attitude. It must feel like a kick in the teeth for him to say something like that, and to be unwilling to help in a small and very reasonable way, after you've done the school run for so many years.

I don't see why he can't do it, and it would save you money and time. I also think it's really rude of him to make your son feel like an inconvenience. Can definitely see where you are coming from; YANBU and I'd be wondering whether this was really a partnership!!!

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

Has your DH ever done the school run? Ask him directly why he felt it was OK for you to be lumbered with the school run for years and why he is objecting now its his turn?

[FurryLittleTwerp]

I used to have to drop off DS early - he enjoyed the before-school playtime so it wasn't a problem and then rush like mad to my work in the opposite direction

[Scarydinosaurs]

So why can't your DS go in early too?

[FurryLittleTwerp]

Nothing wrong with getting to work early to chill out - I like to do it myself - I'm freelance & work all over the place - nice to be in good time, get set up, familiarise myself if it's a new place, have a cup of tea etc etc...

BUT while I was the one doing the school run & driving here there & everywhere because DH wouldn't help, I didn't have the luxury of that!

[DivorceBadger]

I'm actually quite shocked at the number of posters thinking ds should accommodate your h on this and suggesting your h is 'eased into' the 'change'. Seems there's a lot of habitual pandering to men/ad


This.

It's not his first week at school he doesn't need easing in.. If dh had been carrying his weight this whole time it would be normal.

If the op had said they can't really afford it but she wants to send her son to school on the bus because she likes to hang out at work for a half hour she'd get ripped apart

[PikachuBoo]

His attitude is awful.
Loads of kids at our secondary are dropped off early. I don't know what time the library etc open but plenty are on the grounds. It's a common thing to be dropped early.
Your H is being very selfish at not being prepared to compromise at all. It sounds really nasty that he can't wait until they leave home when they are that young.
Surely a compromise of him getting to work twenty minutes early for his previous faffing and son getting to school ten minutes early could work?

[DivorceBadger]

Why are people soooo confused y the op?
Yanbu op. He is being A knob

[TeaRexit]

LTB

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

Who the hell goes to work 30 minutes early? Plenty of people. Dh goes in an hour early otherwise the train is rammed and he can't get a seat. We have a friend who gets in even earlier as he drives to work and he'd rather be early and at his desk than sitting in traffic.

I think your dh should sort this out with your ds himself and I agree it's ridiculous to pay 40 quid a month if you don't have to.

[HeteronormativeHaybales]

Should clarify re the early-to-work thing. If you need the time to facilitate doing your job (like the teacher upthread) I think it's not really 'arriving early' at all. But just because you want to faff a bit, um no, if others have to pay for it with inconvenience.

My dh drives to work once a week (usually cycles) and drops ds1 on the way. Ds is then at school quite a bit earlier than he needs to be. Dh is also at work earlier than he needs to be. But all the time he spends in work counts (he's in an environment where he clocks in and out due to security checks - salaried but can, at least theoretically, take all overtime in TOIL) so the family doesn't lose out iyswim. Plus ds could walk or take the bus (has a monthly bus pass and the distance is walkable) but chooses to be driven that day. So it works for all. This situation is different.

[LumpySpacedPrincess]

Does he always centre himself and put his needs before his family?

[LumpySpacedPrincess]

Does he always centre himself and put his own needs before his family?

[Dontyoulovecalpol]

Is your H going to be 10 mins early or 10 Mins late?

Leaving someone over this would be fucking ridiculous but you just leave him to it. DO not take for son to school, leave the house early and let him take care of it.

[whattodowiththepoo]

You are looking forward to having extra time in the morning and can't understand why your DH is not looking forward to having less time in the morning?
Compromise and drop son off between both ideal times? I think you are going over board calling him a cock and saying you want to leave him because of this.

[diddl]

Seems a ridiculous overreaction.

I don't see why there shouldn't be a compromise though.

What would you use the extra 30 mins for?

[DownTownAbbey]

I used to love getting into work early. There was less traffic and I got loads done in peace. But I didn't have kids then.

He's being an arse. His attitude stinks. I'd find it hard to respect someone so selfish and entitled.

[NotYoda]

i don't really undertsand the bus thing but your dh sounds horrible, and it sounds as if you think so too.

[HeteronormativeHaybales]

I'm actually quite shocked at the number of posters thinking ds should accommodate your h on this and suggesting your h is 'eased into' the 'change'. Seems there's a lot of habitual pandering to men/adults going on in MN-land.

And at all the massively-early-work-arrivers. Who's got time to spare for that?

[DoctorDonnaNoble]

There are many reasons to arrive early at work. I like to not have to stress about whether I can get a parking space. I like to do my photocopying without a growing queue hovering around me. And now I like to make sure I have everything I need for the day in the box I carry around because I don't have a class room base.
However, many students arrive at the same time as me (about an hour before registration), they read and do homework. I assume they're so early as they've got a lift with a parent who has to get to work.
I would be fuming with my DH if he wasn't prepared to pull his weight with drop offs/pick ups though.

[HeteronormativeHaybales]

Oh, and if you have separate finances or 'fun money' budgets, and he's so difficult about this that your son ends up taking the bus, the 2 quid/day would be coming directly out of his budget. His precious 20 minutes can cost him.

[HeteronormativeHaybales]

The comment is really aggressive and unpleasant, worryingly so. Subtext is the one who does the childcare/organisational drudge jobs is the passive, subservient one, the one out of whom the piss can be taken. Ie (in this sort of thinking) that's actually a woman's role. Nasty and misogynistic.

And, as a father, refusing to take your child to school when you can drive past it at the right time so you can faff about at work for 20 extra minutes, and knowing that the alternative solution inconveniences either his son or you, is a really special kind of selfish. 10 min is plenty enough time to make a cup of tea and get slowly into the swing of things. And if he needs it so bloody much he can have his 20 mins at home before leaving.
I'm with a PP in wondering why you're with him, tbh.

[VilootShesCute]

ThereIsIron