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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

So my dh thinks this ...

115 replies

Shopping11shopping · 15/09/2016 21:51

He thinks that as he has to drive past or sons new secondary school and it makes sense for him to drop him off ( instead of paying £2 per day bus fare ) . It will mean dh gets into his work 10 mins early instead of 30 mins early .
Ds is our youngest and dh has never done the school run.

Dh has just said that he has 'fucked himself in the arse ' as he agreed to take ds to school.

I earn a lot more than dh and my career is taking off so I was hoping to have an extra 30 mins in the mornings for the first time in 10 years . It seems dh won't help wth getting his ds to school .
I feel sad . AUBU ?

OP posts:

Lorelei76 · 15/09/2016 23:38

OP not surprised you're upset, he sounds awful
Safe to assume he hangs out in the office early to avoid his family?
why did he have one when this is his attitude
Of course your son shluldnt have to leave earlier or hang around earlier when his dad is literally going past

tell him he feels he's fucked himself up the arse because his entire being is an arsehole.

Lynnm63 · 15/09/2016 23:45

Serious question op, do you actually like your dh because in 7 years max your ds assuming yr 7 will be off to uni and you'll be stuck with your dh. If it were me dh' opinion if my DC would make me want to LTB. My eldest has just started yr 12, L6 in old money and Im dreading him going off to uni as is his dad I may have cried a lot at Toy Story 3
As far as the journey I'd tell your dh to get used to being fucked in the arse as he has 7 years of it

maz210 · 15/09/2016 23:52

Couldn't your husband and your son split the 20 minutes difference? So your son gets dropped off to school 10 minutes earlier than he wants and your husband is then 20 minutes early for work.

LadyStoic · 16/09/2016 00:06

Realise slightly tangential to issue at hand, but why are you with your DH? Do you actually like him? He sounds like an utter cock really unpleasant.

Does DS know DH's attitudes/thoughts vis DS/DC or is he actually decent to their faces? My heart breaks a bit at thought of an 11 year old knowing that's what his Dad thinks

Lorelei76 · 16/09/2016 00:09

Lady, i wondered that too.

JudyCoolibar · 16/09/2016 00:27

Can't your husband chill out with his cup of tea at home before he leaves?

agentmarmalade · 16/09/2016 00:37

Your husband needs to grow up, get his act together and stop stamping his feet like a spoilt six year old.

Lovewineandchocs · 16/09/2016 01:56

agent I have read your responses on a couple of threads tonight. I am LOVING them! Direct and to the point-and you took the words right out of my mouth! I agree completely.

Cheby · 16/09/2016 04:35

YANBU. And your DH sounds like a dick.

My DH does all the nursery pick up and drop offs, because nursery is on his way and in the opposite direction for me. Plus I have a longer commute.

I also think there is some importance about who earns more. If the family need OP's wage more than they need DH's. Then it just makes sense to ensure her job is protected first. Obviously you try and split things as equally as you can, but if it comes down to a choice (eg taking a day off for a sick child and it would be an inconvenience for you both), you have to go with the practical route, surely?

RebootYourEngine · 16/09/2016 04:56

There are some people at my work who arrive 30 mins early everyday. I really dont know why you would want to hang around in the canteen when you dont need to. I like to turn up 5/10 mins before and just get started.

powershowerforanhour · 16/09/2016 04:57

"Here DH, let me tear you a new one so you have a choice of orifices"

flumpybear · 16/09/2016 05:58

He's being totally unreasonable and a selfish arse!
Tell him to drop DS off a bit earlier and give himself say 20 mins for s cuppa

phillipp · 16/09/2016 06:29

The 'fucked in the arse' comment wouldn't bother me. Tbh both me and dh fucked ourseleves when we picked Dds school. It's not one she can get a bus to. It also has start and finish times totally different to primary.

So I have to take Dd to school in the morning, come back and then take Ds about 30 mins later. It's best for Dd, but doesn't mean I enjoy it. But I do it.

Same on an afternoon.

However, I wouldn't then refuse to do it. That's clearly the issue.

I also like to get to work early and have a cuppa and chill before work. However sometimes life gets in the way and I can't. Kids are the priority. It's what o call tough shit. If I have to miss my slow start at work, I have to miss it. Because the kids come first. He is being a dick.

IamNotDarling · 16/09/2016 06:30

My DH gets to work around 30 mins before his start time each day - if he leaves later then the traffic gets unpredictable and he can be late. He doesn't like rush hour and feels very stressed but it does mean he can open up the workplace and if necessary finish as early as needed whenever required.

Is there an underlying reason here?

Otherwise he's being a tear but I wouldn't LTB unless this is part of a wider arsehole behaviour pattern.

IamNotDarling · 16/09/2016 06:30

Tear = arse

VilootShesCute · 16/09/2016 06:39

ThereIsIron

HeteronormativeHaybales · 16/09/2016 06:47

The comment is really aggressive and unpleasant, worryingly so. Subtext is the one who does the childcare/organisational drudge jobs is the passive, subservient one, the one out of whom the piss can be taken. Ie (in this sort of thinking) that's actually a woman's role. Nasty and misogynistic.

And, as a father, refusing to take your child to school when you can drive past it at the right time so you can faff about at work for 20 extra minutes, and knowing that the alternative solution inconveniences either his son or you, is a really special kind of selfish. 10 min is plenty enough time to make a cup of tea and get slowly into the swing of things. And if he needs it so bloody much he can have his 20 mins at home before leaving.
I'm with a PP in wondering why you're with him, tbh.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 16/09/2016 06:49

Oh, and if you have separate finances or 'fun money' budgets, and he's so difficult about this that your son ends up taking the bus, the 2 quid/day would be coming directly out of his budget. His precious 20 minutes can cost him.

DoctorDonnaNoble · 16/09/2016 06:53

There are many reasons to arrive early at work. I like to not have to stress about whether I can get a parking space. I like to do my photocopying without a growing queue hovering around me. And now I like to make sure I have everything I need for the day in the box I carry around because I don't have a class room base.
However, many students arrive at the same time as me (about an hour before registration), they read and do homework. I assume they're so early as they've got a lift with a parent who has to get to work.
I would be fuming with my DH if he wasn't prepared to pull his weight with drop offs/pick ups though.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 16/09/2016 06:55

I'm actually quite shocked at the number of posters thinking ds should accommodate your h on this and suggesting your h is 'eased into' the 'change'. Seems there's a lot of habitual pandering to men/adults going on in MN-land.

And at all the massively-early-work-arrivers. Who's got time to spare for that?

NotYoda · 16/09/2016 07:02

i don't really undertsand the bus thing but your dh sounds horrible, and it sounds as if you think so too.

DownTownAbbey · 16/09/2016 07:14

I used to love getting into work early. There was less traffic and I got loads done in peace. But I didn't have kids then.

He's being an arse. His attitude stinks. I'd find it hard to respect someone so selfish and entitled.

diddl · 16/09/2016 07:18

Seems a ridiculous overreaction.

I don't see why there shouldn't be a compromise though.

What would you use the extra 30 mins for?

whattodowiththepoo · 16/09/2016 07:18

You are looking forward to having extra time in the morning and can't understand why your DH is not looking forward to having less time in the morning?
Compromise and drop son off between both ideal times? I think you are going over board calling him a cock and saying you want to leave him because of this.

Dontyoulovecalpol · 16/09/2016 07:23

Is your H going to be 10 mins early or 10 Mins late?

Leaving someone over this would be fucking ridiculous but you just leave him to it. DO not take for son to school, leave the house early and let him take care of it.

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