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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

So my dh thinks this ...

115 replies

Shopping11shopping · 15/09/2016 21:51

He thinks that as he has to drive past or sons new secondary school and it makes sense for him to drop him off ( instead of paying £2 per day bus fare ) . It will mean dh gets into his work 10 mins early instead of 30 mins early .
Ds is our youngest and dh has never done the school run.

Dh has just said that he has 'fucked himself in the arse ' as he agreed to take ds to school.

I earn a lot more than dh and my career is taking off so I was hoping to have an extra 30 mins in the mornings for the first time in 10 years . It seems dh won't help wth getting his ds to school .
I feel sad . AUBU ?

OP posts:

ijustwannadance · 15/09/2016 22:06

Whaaa?
Why/how/with whom would you be getting 30 minutes extra in morning?
Post makes no sense.

Why did he need to get in half an hour early to work? Does he like a relax/coffee/read the paper/have a shit in peace?

ADishBestEatenCold · 15/09/2016 22:06

"I have said I will take ds to school or pay the bus fare even though I work in the opposite direction as I feel sorry for ds as dh is shouty and moody in th mornings"

Ridiculous.

Is your DH a fit person to parent his DS? If so, back off and leave them to travel together.

ShebaShimmyShake · 15/09/2016 22:06

I don't understand this at all. Why does he need to be half an hour early for work? What is the problem with dropping your son off when it's on the way?

NerrSnerr · 15/09/2016 22:08

Why doesn't he just get the bus? Surely most secondary students make their own way to school?

SaucyJack · 15/09/2016 22:09

Wouldn't your DS rather get the bus with his mates?

WorraLiberty · 15/09/2016 22:11

If you can afford the bus fare, I don't know what the fuss is about?

Why is anyone talking about driving him to school and how long would you keep it up for anyway?

Scarydinosaurs · 15/09/2016 22:12

Bus is better. £2 a day isn't bad.

ShebaShimmyShake · 15/09/2016 22:14

But why pay a bus fare if one parent is going past the school anyway?

Original poster

Shopping11shopping · 15/09/2016 22:14

Dh likes to be in work early to have cuppa etc etc

We had discussed at length how it would make no sense for ds to get the bus in the mornings as it involves a walk etc when dh drives right past the school anyway .
I guess I feel dh has moved the goalposts and can't make a minor adjustment in his routine to benefit ds.
Ds gets the bus home every day to grandad so he had his independence .

OP posts:

228agreenend · 15/09/2016 22:16

I can understand where dh is coming from (although not the terminology used). Dh probably makes a cup of tea, and does some work before phones etc get busy (not sure what dh's job is). Dh is effectively loosing 2.5 hours of this free time, and instead gets in 10 minutes before, which isn't that long to get himself organised and ready before the official working day.

Can't he drop ds off a bit earlier. Lots of kids locally arrive up to 30 minutes eairliner due to bus times, drop offs etc.

Obviouspretzel · 15/09/2016 22:16

It's just a throwaway comment though isn't it? A comment that would be par for the course and a bit of a joke in my household, but can appreciate this would be the case with everyone.

However, this is assuming that he IS going to take him to school. If not, then he is being a prick.

LaurieFairyCake · 15/09/2016 22:18

I don't have a problem with what he said. I would hate to have my morning routine tied to someone else (anyone!) - all that hassle with making sure they're ready, if they were sick or I was sick.

When I get in the car in the morning for work im in work mode and I'd feel resentful to have that changed for £2.

I'd be sending him on the bus.

I have a much greater problem with your dh wanting rid of them and not wanting to spend time with them. I think that's dreadful.

ShebaShimmyShake · 15/09/2016 22:18

Yes, well, I like to stay in bed until 10am and have all day boxset marathons without interruption but I have a baby. Is he really expecting your son to make a totally unnecessary journey every day costing upwards of £40 a month because he likes to piss around for half an hour in the office?

If I had half an hour spare in the morning I'd stay in bed longer. Is he trying to stay away from his family at all costs?

228agreenend · 15/09/2016 22:18

Worral - I live in a semi-rural environment. It's not unusual to get driven to school, especially if you don't live near a bus route.

FluffyPineapple · 15/09/2016 22:18

Just let your DS get the bus. He will travel with his friends. You wont need to go out of your way to drop him off and DH will be happy going into work a lot earlier than he needs to. DS getting the bus will be easier all round

TheLastHeatwave · 15/09/2016 22:19

Thoroughly confused about the school drop off nonsense. Of course it makes sense to drop your kid iff f you drive past it anyway - for a normal parent at any rate.

However, he makes DS's life a misery in the mornings, doesn't want to take him to school & 'can't wait until they leave home'. Why exactly have you not kicked his arse out before now!?

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 · 15/09/2016 22:19

I would be be telling dh you can't wait til he leaves home tbh!

Mojito7 · 15/09/2016 22:20

So is this right then -

Your DH is refusing to take the DS to school, even though he drives past, because he likes to get to work half an hour early every day (why? ) and school starts later

This means you will have to go out of your way to take him and lose 30 mins in the mornings in doing so

DS could get the bus for £2

DH is very unpleasant anyway

Whether the above is correct if not, I don't like the way he speaks to you. And who says they can't wait for their own kids to leave. He sounds unpleasant to say the least.

LaurieFairyCake · 15/09/2016 22:20

Cross posted

I definitely don't see it as a 'minor adjustment'. Family life is busy and every moment I commuted without them I was planning work. It was bliss to walk out the door and think about work in the car.

Topseyt · 15/09/2016 22:22

It sounds as though your DH and mine could be related here. Promising to do something without thinking through that it will impact on their regular routines and then whinging unreasonably about it.

By the way, I see no reason why your DH should not drop DS off in the mornings. £2 per day would add up to a tidy sum over time. About £40 for a full month. Surely it therefore makes some sense for him to do it?

My DH is at it again tonight. He is supposed to be meeting our 21 year old DD1 and her friend at Stansted Airport as they fly in from Dublin. They would have been ready for collection about 10.30 but the flight has been delayed by an hour (due in soon now). DH is now whining that this is unfair on him because he has work tomorrow (so do I). He completely ignored the fact that I had to get up before 5.00am on Monday morning to take DD and friend to the airport before going on to work myself, so I forcefully reminded him about it and also reminded him that I could have whinged about the injustice of my early start on Monday but I did not because I wanted the girls to go and enjoy themselves without feeling guilty.

They really can be twats can't they?

CalleighDoodle · 15/09/2016 22:23

Yanbu. Your husband sounds like an arse. He is being shouty and moody as a form of control. He knows you will let him off parenting. Dont do it. Just pull him up on his attitude everytime. But dont take over. Tell
Him he and ds can have a cup of tea at home before the drive.

user1468407812 · 15/09/2016 22:24

You are seemingly living with a sperm donor, from what you say he has no interest in your DC.
YABU to still be tolerating this IMO. Wouldn't last 2 minutes under my roof with that attitude towards DC.

WorraLiberty · 15/09/2016 22:27

Worral - I live in a semi-rural environment. It's not unusual to get driven to school, especially if you don't live near a bus route.

But you're not the OP

Pumpkintopf · 15/09/2016 22:29

Agree with Calleigh he can have a cuppa at home. Parenting is full of not just pleasing yourself, ffs. Your 'dh' sounds like an entitled knob using language like that about dropping his own child off at school.

whywonthedgehogssharethehedge · 15/09/2016 22:29

I would much rather spend £40 a month on something else if a bus wasn't needed. Can he not compromise? Drop DS off 10 mins early so he looses 10 mins from his 30 and DS only has an extra 10 to wait at school?

The way he talks to you and about his kids would disgust me.

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