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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think it's horse shit when people say they don't need to drive

257 replies

pleasemothermay1 · 15/09/2016 19:48

Until you need to meet up anywhere that's not on there doorstep that is

I well annoyed supposed to be meeting my friend who always says she dosent need to drive as she gets about fine

However trying to meet at at 12.45 to go swimming and the pool is to far for her to get there and back for the school run if she drove it would be a 15 minute drive I then suggested soft play near her house howeve the bus dosent run there is on a industrial estate And she would have to walk 35 minutes before she even got to the bus stop gurr

It's the same every time even if we're meeting up with out the kids in the evening unless she able to get a lift then she can't come

Out so you don't need to drive unless the place is not on yur frigging door step gurr rant over I can understand if you live in London but we live in the sticks

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 16/09/2016 11:32

That's what my driving dh, has said Birdlet, I am a stay at home mum, and hope to get a part time job, now ds has just started school. Dh cannot afford to run another car, and he says its much more cost effective getting public transport and cab than to spend KKKK running a car. I do want to learn again once I have my anxiety under control.

MagikarpetRide · 16/09/2016 11:33

My DM didn't drive until I was in my teens. She would always tell me to be thankful I was given working legs and to use them. DF worked away most of the time so we were in a small town with no one able to drive and we survived fine. The only time lifts were asked for were for hospital appointments which were thankfully rare.

Now DM drives she's appalled that I walk my kids 15mins to school everyday. I Hmm at her and point out my walk to school was double that. But what about when they go to bigger school? I'm, they can still walk or use the bus. If I visit my dps now by train they panic if they're unable to collect me from the station. They live about 30 mins walk away.

I find this regularly tied in with questions about how I stay so slim after being a right fatso when I just used public transport constantly and stuffed my face with crap when everyone else (all drivers) can't lose anything but won't entertain a short walk to the local shop.

FunkinEll · 16/09/2016 11:35

Driving is not essential but it does make life easier and mean you can do more and have a lot more freedom. I always think people who can't are missing it a bit.

Hmmnotkeen · 16/09/2016 11:42

It's only missing out if there are things that I would like to do but am not able to, surely?

ShadowsInTheDarkness · 16/09/2016 11:47

pronto thats just one of those things that come with rurual living whether you drive or not. If its an hour drive to the nearest shop you wouldnt pop out for an unexpected screwdriver emergency or for needing an exotic ingredient and not driving is the same. We over prepare, stock pile things, have workrooms full of tools, batch cook and meal plan, have emergency cupboards stocked with blankets, candles, torches and batteries and generally live an organised plan in advance lifestyle. I used to live properly rurally, middle of nowhere, no local shops etc and so thats a way of life I guess Ive continued through habit.

MrsJayy · 16/09/2016 11:49

Dh drives im in the car about 3 or 4 times a month if that even he has seen the attraction of catching a bus/train he drives about a lot for work and hates driving on his days off

EmpressKnowsWhereHerTowelIs · 16/09/2016 11:52

My cousin lives in a seaside village a few miles from the nearest town and I petsit for her for a week most summers.

Not driving there would definitely take more planning - knowing the bus times instead of just catching them whenever - but it would still be doable.

IceRoadDucker · 16/09/2016 11:57

I'm within the M25 but outside of London and even I can't get about without a car. The buses don't start early enough for me to make it to the train station and get to work on time. Even when the buses are running, they're very often late and sometimes don't turn up at all, claiming they didn't have enough drivers to send the bus out.

My mum doesn't drive and gets about fine with her bus pass, but she doesn't work. If you need to be anywhere at a certain time then you need a car. When she has a doctor's appointment she leaves 40 minutes early to get the bus one before she actually needs, in case one of them doesn't turn up.

OliviaStabler · 16/09/2016 12:10

Where I grew up we were in the middle of nowhere. No public transport, no shops, bank, Post Office etc within walking distance. Cars were essential.

I don't look down on anyone who does not drive. I am happy to give lifts but I would not be a fan of anyone who wanted to use me as a free taxi all the time as some PP have described.

Sleepybeanbump · 16/09/2016 12:17

Maybe she doesn't feel the need to go to the places you want her to go Hmm

Yabu

Sleepybeanbump · 16/09/2016 12:22

What you post boils down to is that it's difficult to maintain a social life in a car centric society unless you drive.

Which is very true.

Hmmnotkeen · 16/09/2016 12:39

Very true depending on where you live . It's not difficult at all in some places, and no, its not just in London. There are plenty of cities , and even small towns, where you can get along just fine without a car.

Notso · 16/09/2016 13:19

I can't drive. Encouraged by family I am going to have lessons but at the moment I don't see where the extra £££ to buy a car/insurance/petrol will come from if I do pass my test.

What I have noticed is how 'spoilt' drivers are. When I was working I walked there. I walked in sun, rain, wind or snow. On a snow day there was always a massive kerfuffle from the car drivers phoning in panicked and late, can't get the car out, clueless about a bus, walking didn't enter their heads.

I go to parents group one morning a week, we often go into the local town to do various activities. It's a ten minute walk or maybe fifteen with a toddler. There are two or three Mums who will never walk. They go in the car then those who have walked have to wait for them to mess about parking and here about them moaning about how they've had to pay to park.

bbcessex · 16/09/2016 13:26

I really sympathise with those who can't drive due to medical or budget reasons but I don't understand those that have DC and don't drive through choice.

If you live in Central London or similar, then a car would be a burden - public transport much more efficient - but most other places, surely having the option of driving is a bonus? You can open up so many other avenues to your kids if you can offer them access to 'the world' (or at least, the UK Motorway network!).

Being able to drive (and have access to / afford to run a car) gives you / your family options that are pretty hard to come by without... My DCs are both pretty committed to their chosen sports.. there is no way at all they would have been able to pursue these if we didn't drive. Both DH & I work full time and we have two cars... literally every evening and weekend we are heading off with one child each to matches / events / training.. none of which we'd be able to do without cars.

If you're on your own and want to walk, train and bus it - that's fine, you can manage your own timetable... but if you have DC and you choose not to learn to drive and have a car (choice - not situation) - aren't you limiting their options?

Cagliostro · 16/09/2016 13:32

Re: location, we are in a busy town in Sussex and it is very easy to get around, not just in this town but getting to other towns around the county.

HellsBellsnBucketsofBlood · 16/09/2016 13:57

Why would I need to drive? I can drive, but do so so rarely I can hire a car for it. There are buses, taxis, trains, my bicycle (and child trailer) and I have a fully functional pair of legs. I can get anywhere i need to go, when I want to. I have a 'granny bag' trolley for the shopping, and a rucksack in case I buy more than will fit.

Now, people who are forever trying to cadge a lift are, admittedly, annoying. But among the car free - they're fairly rare.

Vagndidit · 16/09/2016 14:20

The debate about whether it's necessary to drive comes down to differentiating want vs. need.

Car culture in America can be traced as the source of its increasingly segregated society, "white flight," and soaring levels of obesity. But heh, if that's the future you envisage for the U.k., go right ahead---keep driving!

One of the many things I love about life in the Uk (I moved here from the US six years ago) is that I don't need to hop in my car every time I run out of milk, or want to buy the Sunday papers or go for a drink at my local pub. It'll be a sad day when this is no longer a possibility here because of the culture created by an over reliance on the automobile.

bbcessex · 16/09/2016 14:25

Hellsbells - how old are your children? I wonder if they're young and not yet needing to go outside your boundaries.

Mine are teens.... one sporting activity is a few miles away but rural, the other activity is 50 miles away, three evenings a week and twice at weekends... evening training starts at 5pm, ,finishing at 9pm... there is no direct public transport route, and even if there were, no time to get there between school finish and training start without a car / motorway.

It's not a 'whim' activity - its a passion where my DS has worked hard to get to a semi-elite level. If I didn't drive / have a car he would not have that opportunity - just not possible.

LetsJunglyJumpToIt · 16/09/2016 14:30

Living rurally and being a teenager is just annoying. Especially when your parents moan about having to take you places. Don't live somewhere with no bloody bus service then.

mollie123 · 16/09/2016 14:36

olivia
I don't look down on anyone who does not drive. I am happy to give lifts but I would not be a fan of anyone who wanted to use me as a free taxi all the time as some PP have described.
no-one should look down on someone who does not drive
most non-drivers do not angle free taxi trips all the time (choose your friends carefully)
I do not look down on drivers except those petrol-heads who roar around the country roads in huge cars thinking they are more important than those on foot, bicycle or horse - but that is another topic!

Notso · 16/09/2016 15:02

I don't think that's just a needing to drive 'thing' bbcessex if I could drive I couldn't take my teenager to training as often as yours goes. I've got three other children who have interests as well as things DH and I want to do. it seems unfair to priories one over the others.
DD plays a sport at county level and we support her as much as we can but often she has to arrange her own transport.

HellsBellsnBucketsofBlood · 16/09/2016 15:12

My DD is 4. Number 2 is imminent 😀.

If, in the future, I need a car, I will obtain one. So if DD becomes a star sports person, or someone develops a medical problem meaning frequent trips to hospital. But I don't need to drive now.

HellsBellsnBucketsofBlood · 16/09/2016 15:15

And based on current job situation and commute, I'm afraid that if DD were to do that level of training I probably couldn't play taxi for her anyway. Neither could DH. So we'd just have to pay someone else for the travel anyhow (so use a taxi). And if that wasn't feasible, she couldn't do it.

bbcessex · 16/09/2016 15:29

Notso - that's the benefit of having two DC I guess - you're right, if we had more we would have to compromise. Still couldn't do it without a car (two cars actually) though!

HellsBells - We're lucky in that although DH and I work full time we can manage our own diaries - I can work from sporting place so often set up 'shop' and get 4 hours in. We also pay someone to take to / from at least once a week and sometimes twice depending on our work commitments. A round trip and wait is nearly 7 hours so no different than paying for childcare, except now it's more of a PA /chauffeur role!

Hmmnotkeen · 16/09/2016 15:33

Bbcessex- Many parents wouldn't facilitate that level of training, whether driving or not. Sporting opportunities are going to vary based on tons of factors other than parents ability to drive- whether I could drive or not, my children aren't going to be champion jockeys, because we live in a city and (AFAIK!) there aren't any opportunities for them to ride around here.

Realistically, money and location are going to be what stops x children taking part in y sport.