To think it's horse shit when people say they don't need to drive

[pleasemothermay1]

Until you need to meet up anywhere that's not on there doorstep that is

I well annoyed supposed to be meeting my friend who always says she dosent need to drive as she gets about fine

However trying to meet at at 12.45 to go swimming and the pool is to far for her to get there and back for the school run if she drove it would be a 15 minute drive I then suggested soft play near her house howeve the bus dosent run there is on a industrial estate And she would have to walk 35 minutes before she even got to the bus stop gurr

It's the same every time even if we're meeting up with out the kids in the evening unless she able to get a lift then she can't come

Out so you don't need to drive unless the place is not on yur frigging door step gurr rant over I can understand if you live in London but we live in the sticks

How does she get to places normally? Food shopping? Clothes shopping? Post office? Bank etc?

Complain about your friend by all means, if she is making your life difficult or being rude.

But don't just rant about "people who say they don't need to drive".

Plenty of us are perfectly reasonable and considerate and know how to run our own lives, thanks very much.

I suspect that "I don't really need to" is code for "Mind your own business".

It's really easy to live in Newcastle without a car.

It is fairly easy in any major city. I passed my test at 17 but was without a car for most of my 20s/30s, in several major cities.

But I was childfree then. I do think it's harder without a car when you've got DCs. Our school is several miles from our house, and if I had to rely on public transport to get there and back I'd lose at least an hour a day, which isn't great when you're self-employed and only have around 5 childfree hours to work each day as it is.

Then there's days out, birthday parties in inaccessible places, getting to after-school clubs when you've only got a brief window of time to drop various children off in different places, last minute dashed to the shops, etc.

I'm 37 and only started learning to drive 3 months ago. I've never had any need to before now. I have lived in many different places but always in a city suburb or a London borough. Where I live now, I have 3 soft play places, 4 swimming pools, a roller rink, a go-cart place, 6/7 gyms, 3 large supermarkets, a cinema, nice river walks, innumerable cafes and restaurants, 3 parks all 2-30 minutes walk from my house. That's not counting the city centre which is a 15-20 minute walk away.

Being able to drive and owning a car will make certain aspects of my life easier but not so much that it would have been worth the hassle and the cost. But if I didn't want my DS to go to a very specific school that I do need to drive to, I'd never have felt the need to learn.

Not sure if it was a typo OP but the softplay obviously wasn't near your friends house was it?

Look you drive and she doesn't. You can't offer lifts so you either suggest places she can get to or meet nearer her.

Don't be so snipey about it. She may not drive for a whole host of reasons she doesn't want to admit.

I used to live in Glasgow with excellent bus and train routes and really didn't need a car at all. On the very odd occasion one was needed I would either get a taxi or hire a car for a short period.

However, I'm now in Dorset and need a car for day to day life. Everything is just too spread out and the bus services are completely shit.

I could survive here without my car but it'd be fairly shit. How does a person go to IKEA if they don't drive, or buy 50L bag of compost, hire floor sander for we the weekend, or do a big shop, go for a meal in a rural pub, or go anywhere when its bucketing down? My kids have beavers, guides in the same night in different towns! Absolutly impossible without a car.

Not being able to drive as an adult is ridiculous and life limiting. It might be eco friendly and healthy to walk everywhere but it's seriously shit and not practice unless you live in a city centre.

I used to know someone who claimed she didn't need to drive and was very proud of how she wasn't polluting the air as she walked everywhere.
Was happy enough to accept lifts when it was raining, though, and to request them when going anywhere that might require her to put her hand in her pocket to pay for a bus/train/taxi.
Also had the cheek to make snide comments about "car owners" (obviously me, in this instance) on social media, shortly after I'd ferried her dc to an out-of-town activity.
The only reason she didn't need to drive was because she got other people to do it for her.

Nearly no one needs to drive. Driving is a convenience.

Thankfully I live suburban and can get anywhere I need to via walking or public transport. I never rely on anyone to get me from a to b (except public transport obviously). Online shopping exists so I don't need a large car to do a large family shop. I can plan my life easily around when I need to get to places. I make sure I prioritise important things like school pick ups.

What I have realised is that I don't need friends who look down on me for not choosing their lifestyle or who put purposeful blocks in my way and then complain about it.

How does a person go to IKEA if they don't drive
Taxi or delivery depending on size of items - how often do you need to do that? Once or twice a year at most?

or buy 50L bag of compost
I don't have a garden, but again taxi or delivery, and again this would be a rare occurrence.

hire floor sander for we the weekend
I don't have that kind of floor, but I could get it home in a taxi, and again it's not something that happens a lot.

or do a big shop
I didn't do a big shop in a car even when I had one, delivery is much more convenient. I paid £30 for a year's delivery pass with Sainsbury's, min order £40, if I'm buying under £40 of stuff I can carry it.

go for a meal in a rural pub
That's not a lot of fun anyway if you can't drink because you are driving, but I have cycled for Sunday lunch in a variety of villages.

or go anywhere when its bucketing down
Public transport, or taxis again. I'm not the Wicked Witch of the West, I don't melt if I get wet.

You might say "oh but taxis cost a lot of money" - I don't have to get them that often because I live near (and work near, and socialise near) good public transport, and the cost of running a car adds up to more than you think

If I lived in a village then of course I would have a car, but where I live it is genuinely cheaper to use public transport and just get taxis when I need to than it is to pay for insurance and servicing and MOT and road tax and petrol (even ignoring depreciation entirely and assuming that nothing ever goes wrong and needs fixing).

I agree with previous posters that not having a car can become much less easy when you have children, but I still think it can be the best choice if you live somewhere with god transport and amenities.

“A developed country is not a place where the poor have cars. It's where the rich use public transportation.” - Gustavo Petro (Mayor of Bogotá)

I grew up in a rural village and everyone learnt to drive as soon as they turned 17. Me included. With a bus twice a week I had to drive or my parents dropped me off which I hated relying on.

Sometimes on here I read a post and the OP talks about how they live in a village with several DC and they don't drive and rely on non existent public transport. How? And why would you even put yourself in that situation? Living rurally is pretty and quiet, but practically it's a pain in the arse.

Never driven in my entire life (in my 30s) and no, I don't need to drive, I also rarely have lifts off people and when I do I'm offered, I've NEVER asked. I'm thankful that I'm physically able to walk everywhere I need to get to or on occasion get the train. I prefer walking and have turned down lifts in the past purely because when I walk it gives me head space, I can admire so much on my journey from A to B and I also get the advantage of meeting people on the way - a smile and 'good morning' from strangers I meet make me feel good all day. So please don't assume that everyone needs to drive, because some of us are perfectly happy not driving.

I lived without a car for years. I got the bus into the city centre. Now I have a car I go to more out of town places but I would still get the bus into the city centre cause there's no parking or it's really expensive and short stay only anyway.

Where I live I'd be completely screwed without a car. My journey to work would last at least two hours one way, currently under one hour and I'd have to walk a lot in crappy weather, changing buses or trains. And I'd be trapped with little chance to get anywhere. So I drive. I used to crap myself at the idea of driving a car but now it's just a normal thing I do every day.

Jungly I grew up in a rural village too. No bus whatsoever. I also learned to drive asap. I also think people who live in villages without cars are mad.

I think it makes people go one of two ways.

Either you think "car = freedom" and would defend your car with your last breath.

Or you think "why was I not free in the first place?" and vow never to live somewhere so car-dependent ever again.

You can probably guess which one I am.

YABABU (you are being a bit unreasonable).

I had to stop driving a couple of years ago when I was diagnosed with a medical condition that's listed by the DVLA as one that requires that you notify them. I had to rescind my licence of eleven years and get used to living without driving.

I moved house so I could walk to work, and just took public transport everywhere - bus day to day, coach or train for long distance. It barely affected me TBH, but living near work was a deal breaker and I'm in a small town, not a remote village.

It wouldn't be achievable for everyone.

I still had to walk/get the bus to meet my friend, who can drive, close to her house because it was 'too far' for her to come in my direction though.

Got my licence back two months ago but still walk to work and occasionally get the bus.

I'm very rural with no amenities within walking distance so need a car for everything.

I'm intrigued though, do all of you who don't drive have partners that do? And does that facilitate your weekend socialising/kids sports or other weekend classes and activities/shopping etc?

I'm intrigued though, do all of you who don't drive have partners that do?

Nope, not here. We get by fine.

You sound totally car dependent OP, and like you've only thought about meeting her in places that suit you.

Why can't you just go over to her house? Or would that offend you because she won't have made any effort to get there?!

Your friend isn't begging for lifts, she's not refusing to walk or use public transport to get to places. Would you be so judgmental if there were physical reasons why she couldn't drive?

I passed my test 3 months ago, having lived my entire adult life as a non driver (now mid 40s). If you live in an area with good transport connections, driving is far from essential. Don't get me wrong, I love driving, it is convenient. But running a car is expensive, then you have the hassle and cost of finding somewhere to park (for example, in the town where I work, parking is £9 a day!) etc.

We often holiday in the Uk and take an absolute carful of stuff-tent, sleeping bag, pillows, coats, buckets and spades etc. I would imagine that would be tricky (and expensive for 5+) people to take the train.

blankmind

Oops I forgot to say that my DH does indeed drive, and that was more than helpful at times. But I didn't rely on him by any means.

I've been a single parent for many years, no family so we managed fine on our own without a car (my DC are now 15 and 18, eldest has just passed his test). Main shopping done online, walk to supermarket or get bus for additional items. Holidays - train for UK trips, taxi to airport when going abroad. Both DSs played football at weekends; walked to practice, bus/ train to matches, occasionally they got a lift with other kids if the match was in the middle of nowhere. Same for parties, most were local so within reach. Taxis now and then if not on bus route.

OP Why don't you ask your friend where she wants to meet up then? If she gets about fine then then she's clearly not missing the places you want to go. Or maybe she doesn't drive for a reason and it's none of your business as she gets to places she's happy with.
If it was my friend, I'd popover to her house.