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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's horse shit when people say they don't need to drive

257 replies

pleasemothermay1 · 15/09/2016 19:48

Until you need to meet up anywhere that's not on there doorstep that is

I well annoyed supposed to be meeting my friend who always says she dosent need to drive as she gets about fine

However trying to meet at at 12.45 to go swimming and the pool is to far for her to get there and back for the school run if she drove it would be a 15 minute drive I then suggested soft play near her house howeve the bus dosent run there is on a industrial estate And she would have to walk 35 minutes before she even got to the bus stop gurr

It's the same every time even if we're meeting up with out the kids in the evening unless she able to get a lift then she can't come

Out so you don't need to drive unless the place is not on yur frigging door step gurr rant over I can understand if you live in London but we live in the sticks

OP posts:
EmpressKnowsWhereHerTowelIs · 17/09/2016 16:40

Does anyone remember the poster who always put her bag on the bus seat to prevent anyone daring to sit next to her?

Crocodillian · 17/09/2016 16:46

53rdandbird yes somehow my dc have also survived slumming it on public transport.

JellyBelli · 17/09/2016 16:49

I'm too disabled to drive, so I live in a city with good public transport.
Yes, I'm a bus wanker, deal with it.

foursillybeans · 17/09/2016 16:56

It's not a compulsory thing that people drive you know. People don't drive for lots of different reasons. YABU. You don't have the right to insist she drives because it's inconvenient to you. Hmm
You sound like a pain in the arse friend yourself.

foursillybeans · 17/09/2016 17:02

Never quite understand this -
I've taken her to music class today, 10 minutes drive. Without it was about an hour each way, 2 buses and a train and lots of waiting.
I genuinely mean I don't understand, I'm not being funny. If somewhere is 10 mins in a car how can it require that many public transport methods. I understand a bus change but a train too? If it is 10 mins in a car surely it could be walked in 30/45 mins?

EmpressKnowsWhereHerTowelIs · 17/09/2016 17:04

If it is 10 mins in a car surely it could be walked in 30/45 mins?

Or even a bus & walk the rest? Unless they're carrying a cello or something.

EmpressKnowsWhereHerTowelIs · 17/09/2016 17:06

Yes, I'm a bus wanker, deal with it.

I had sex on a train once. But there was no-one but us in the carriage.

MerylPeril · 17/09/2016 17:15

One bus to a main road to get a bus that will take us to the train station, then a train
The drive takes us on 2 motorways - there is another route through towns but takes longer

I have walked to the place where the lesson is (I have been in my life a serious walker) which is through the towns as I can't walk on motorways. - takes about 1 hour 45 minutes!

There was a better bus connection to that area in the past - no more.
If you have to go from one town to another here it's a total nightmare that involves having to go into town which takes 30 minutes to start with

diamond457 · 17/09/2016 17:16

When I didn't drive I'd treck to the shops everyday for groceries which took 20mins to walk and 20mins back with shopping. Good for keeping fit but was a total nightmare for time. That's forty mins of your day just getting to somewhere that's five mins in the car.
I drive now and I only go from a to b but it's a massive time saver for me. Dd can go to clubs after school like swimming and gymnastics because I now have the time to get there. No bus routes to gymnastics and getting a bus to swimming and back plus the time in the pool would take around two hours when it takes me forty five mins start to finish and means I'm not chasing my tail all night. Plus there is escaping winter weather too and going on nice days out a bit further away without having to plan how to get there.
The cost of taxis and bus fayres would basically be your petrol money every month anyway!

nwbmum · 17/09/2016 17:45

We live in suburbs and I haven't particularly felt the need to drive myself.

I have a license and a nice car but i choose not to drive. We live centrally with walking distance to shops, playgroups, school etc etc. We do most of shops online anyway. Bus into town is easy, and I also take lots of taxis. A lot easier than driving (no stress about parking etc). On the weekend if we go out as a family my husband drives.

MagikarpetRide · 17/09/2016 18:07

I think if you have kids and can afford public transport then you can afford to own and drive a car and there's no excuse.

Currently I rack up about £20 a month on public transport, this includes at least one journey I wouldn't drive for anyway (so I can have a Wine or two). The insurance for dh's car alone is a lot more than £240. Adding a named driver costs less but then we've spent more than £240 this year on petrol for a car that's only used maybe twice at the weekends unless we occasionally travel to visit family an hr away so it's definitely cheaper for our family for me to use public transport.

Crocodillian · 17/09/2016 19:10

I think ultimately op yabu to judge anyone for not driving. Yanbu to be annoyed at someone who always expects lift. And 6 of 1 half a dozen of the other to be annoyed at a non driver being picky about where to meet up; you have a point but if she were to post about a friend that knows she cant drive wanting to meet up in difficult to access spots rather than the multitude of alternatives lots of people would see her point too

Lj8893 · 17/09/2016 19:17

Completely depends on where you live and how you live.

When I was single and no DC living in a big town with a good bus service I didn't need to drive. I could get a bus wherever I needed to go within the two towns I lived in (2 towns that merge into each other) and could get the train back to my hometown (and anywhere else I needed to go).

Where I live now, small country market town, with DC I couldn't manage without a car. Not even for a week!

ArcheryAnnie · 17/09/2016 19:21

I can drive, but I don't, because I don't need to. Bus lanes, tubes and airconditioned trains get me to where I need far quicker than if I drove there, and I can work or read or chat all the way, unlike driving. I walk past the queues of cars at rush hour and am so glad I am not stuck in one.

I am glad that I've brought my DS up without a car. I see kids who have been driven everywhere their whole lives left utterly helpless at the prospect of getting themselves anywhere without a car. If he wants to go somewhere, he can plan and do it himself, without begging me for a lift, or waiting until he's 17 and driving himself. (I hate the thought of teenagers driving, as they are much more likely than adults to underestimate dangerous situations, and are more likely to be a danger both to themselves and to other road-users.)

If I do need to go somewhere in a car (because I'm carrying something heavy, or it's off the beaten track) I can get a cab, without the hassle of maintaining a car or worrying about parking.

I did not plan to live a driving free life, but now I have one, I would not change the way I live for anything. I'd hate to live somewhere where every time I wanted to buy a pint of milk, I needed to get in a car.

SandyPantz · 17/09/2016 19:31

why can't you meet in a park or coffee shop that's convenient for you both?

PickAChew · 17/09/2016 19:38

Our village has a better bus service than some urban areas. With our 2 buses an our plus an extra one doing a slow (subsidised out of councillors' pockets, rather than the council itself) round the tiny villages journey, each hour the bus is pretty doable. Some villages in the county have at least double the service we do!

Ds1 and I travel on the bus every Saturday. Today, we've set foot in 3 cities and 2 towns in 2 counties and travelled through another county. We spent lunchtime at the seaside Pokémon hunting.

Littletabbyocelot · 17/09/2016 20:03

I personally think it would be much better if driving was viewed as a skill which some of us have & some of us don't. I'm about to try learning to drive again because I'm starting to find - at 36 and with two children - some things I want to do but can't (like the preschool I really like). But, if I'm as rubbish at it as I was a decade ago then I will just live with the inconvenience. I just wasn't good enough at reading the road & making judgement calls. If only good drivers drove & public transport was the norm public transport would be better.

I live in a city. There is nothing I want to do that needs me to drive. My DH hates public transport so when together we drive. But he's fine with me not driving - he has been able to afford much more enjoyable cars.

daisypond · 17/09/2016 20:19

I don't drive and we don't have a car. But I do live in a city with lots of public transport. None of my teenage DC see the point in learning to drive and actually see it as a hindrance - the costs, finding somewhere to park, etc. The only time I wished we had a car was when the DC were very young and I did struggle with a pushchair and baby sling and carrying shopping from the supermarket - it really wasn't easy. This was before online shopping was really invented. But when they were older, school and activities like Brownies and swimming and gymnastics, etc, were all easy walking distance - less than 15 mins. We'd get the train to see GPs - because they lived many hours away and I wouldn't have fancied a long drive anyway.

TabbyM · 19/09/2016 12:25

I had an elderly relative living rurally who cycled everywhere and latterly used taxis/trains/buses.

Many people choose to live or work somewhere with reasonable public transport and are prepared to walk - I live in Scotland and invest in proper outdoor gear for winter. This also shuts my fit bit up as my job involves sitting at a PC a lot.

I can drive but as DH has health issues and we live 2 minutes from a bus stop so choose not to. For longer journeys we use the train (booked in advance) or occasionally accept lifts to obscure places (always offering petrol money) however if we are going to a social thing it makes sense to car share to stop everyone turning up one person per car. If I really wanted I could join the car club which has some good electric cars.

RunningLulu · 19/09/2016 18:37

People who don't drive manage by only going to places that they can easily get to by walking/public transport. Expecting a friend to take taxis just to keep up with you is a bit unreasonable.

corythatwas · 19/09/2016 19:16

I got on fine without driving until I took up with a group of friends who always expected us to meet up at out-of-the-way locations. Meet at the local swimming pool? Nah, we have to go to the one on the other side of the next town which has marginally better facilities. Go to a local café? No, it's got to be at the other end of town. And of course it was me being awkward, never they.

I have a bona fide medical reason as it so happens. But I also grew up in a foreign town where it was perfectly legit to say you don't want to drive for environmental reasons. That doesn't seem to be the way many people think here.

Milander · 19/09/2016 22:51

I'm the horseshitter.
I don't need to drive, never considered it. I walk or cycle to the shops, I sometimes order food online. 4 kids, they walk or cycle to school. I cycle to work. I go out lots, walk home from the pub. Sometimes go on the train to a pub in the forest, sometimes we camp. IKEA do online ordering, though I have been there in the train.
I have had friends with cars who want to go to industrial parks but I'm not so interested in those places, there are nicer places to go near where I live.
Lifts are tedious, if someone insists on the lift I feel like I've been taken hostage, the faffing, the car park, then the "oh do you mind if I just detour to drop something off" I hate being coerced into lifts. My partner also has no interest in driving, many of our friends have no car, we all have a whale of a time socialising, meals out, gigs etc. we have a considerable amount of cash to do so given its not spent on car stuff too.
I did choose to live in a place you can live though.

LikeDylanInTheMovies · 20/09/2016 01:04

Completely depends on where you live and how you live.

This

As usual this thread will be filled with people who can't imagine that people will live in a location and a manner that is completely different to them.

In every large city I've lived in a car was more of a hindrance than a help and it would take far longer to drive somewhere than to hop on the frequent bus/train/tram service.

EmpressKnowsWhereHerTowelIs · 20/09/2016 07:33

Dylan: As usual this thread will be filled with people who can't imagine that people will live in a location and a manner that is completely different to them.

Yes. It's the equivalent of the childfree thread (hidden that one because there are some rows not worth having).

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 20/09/2016 08:47

YY to Dylan and Empress

It happens on the shoes on/shoes off in the house threads - not so much a difference of opinion, just this faux shock that anyone does anything differently. Mainly from the shoes off people, they have never met anyone who keeps their shoes on, and they appear to lack the imagination to understand that some people are different!