To ask if you consider eating with your fork in the 'wrong' hand to be bad manners?

[Whatsername17]

Just that really. My right hand is my dominant hand, although for some tasks (like painting and cleaning) I tend to swap between my right and left hands. I eat with my fork in the right hand and knife in the left. Today someone was complaining that their kids eat the 'wrong way around' and that they were worried and felt it should be corrected. It made me feel a little self conscious tbh. Do people really care about which hand you have your fork in?

Sashh I'm actually fairly well brought up and I wouldn't dream of changing someone's table arrangement, particularly if they'd obviously taken a lot of care over it. I pick up the cutlery how it's laid out. If I find that uncomfortable, I switch hands. However, I've been doing this subconsciously for so long that I wouldn't really know what hand I use for a spoon. Probably right hand generally but I would switch especially if I'm having a discussion with the cat about whose ice cream it actually is

My family didn't really notice me switching hands until I was of an age where I could help around the house and they asked me to lay the table. My mum came out, looked at it, and said "Errm, Gabi, this is all the wrong way round, please redo it". I was nonplussed by this as until that point I hadn't registered that forks go in your left hand. I struggled to learn my left from my right for a long time. Even when someone said "look, your thumb and forefinger on your left hand for an L" I just held up my right hand and said "but I can make an L with this hand too" because it didn't occur to me that if one was a mirror image of the other they were different. I have an odd brain.

I judge people who judge the way people hold their cutlery.
There are more important things in the world. As long as table manners are present this etiquette bullshit is just snobbish and twatty.

Sashh, I have never, in the entirety of my life, eaten a 5 course meal with that much cutlery set out at a table. I don't think I've ever eaten more than three courses, except in a Michelin starred restaurant in Mexico and they bought new cutlery to the table with every course. There was 8 in total. It took hours! I've never had different wine served at each course either. However, if I were a guest at your dinner party I'd gush over your beautifully decorated table, engage in polite conversation and copy you with regards to which fork/knife to use. I'd sit there completely out of my comfort zone but grateful for the invitation; being so very careful not to balls up your dinner party or embarrass myself by picking up the wrong fork. I'd probably love every second and really enjoy myself. However, it would really hurt my feelings if, after an evening engaging in topical conversation and witty anecdotes, the only thing you focused on was that I'd picked my cutlery up and quietly switched hands so that I could eat more comfortably. And considered me impolite for doing so.

I wouldn't equate holding utensils in different hands as 'bad ettiquette' (i hold them in the 'correct hands' beforesomeone starts).

MaudlinNamechange agree with others, not everybody is the same.
Not everybody is selfish at the dinner table.
Using utensils in opposite hands does not make people selfish eaters.
Do you have bil issues?

OP if you have cutlery for several courses, generally you start with the ones furthest away from the plate and work your way in. Of course, this does not take into account odd strictures about eating bananas with a fork, or however you're meant to do that.

I'm another fork in my right (dominate) hand. I also put knife and fork together on right hand of place setting when setting the table casually as me and dh do the opposite.

Whatsername17

As long as you enjoyed yourself I would be happy. DO you want to come to the next one?

OK new question.

If you are visiting somewhere with a different culture when it comes to eating what do you do.

If you are left handed would you try to eat with your right hand if you were eating curry with your hands in a Muslim country?

What about chopsticks?

I eat LH even though I write RH. However when it comes to cutting bread or just using a sharp knife to cut veg up, I have to use RH as feel have more control!! Does make carving rather messy as can't control fork in LH so ends up looking like massacre if chicken or really thick slices with other meat

I was out for a meal with a couple who ate with their fork in their right hands - I was quite surprised, I'd never seen anyone do this before and didn't realise it was a 'thing'.

I also eat the American way too. I'm also right hand dominant, but like OP switch between hands depending on the task. I find it very helpful when assembling flat packs that I can competently use both hands.

I eat the wrong way. I use my fork in my right hand. I am right handed. I also occasionally use my fork like a spoon..if I am eating things like peas. I don't really care how people eat but I do notice if someone holds their fork by clenching their whole hand around it.

I'm like you, I always cut with the right hand. My mum always reminds me when I'm at theirs and set the table, because I tend to put the knife on the right ;)
imo it's perfectly fine as long as you don't grab your cutlery like a toddler or lick your plate ;)
I have no idea which hand my kids use for the knife, but I shall have a look tonight ....

obviously I meant I cut with my left hand ... see I got confused. I know I do it the wrong way, that's all!

Madame - I always cut left handed when cutting a loaf or cutting an uncooked joint. I just find it more logical.

I am right handed but eat with my fork in my right hand. This, according to my mother, is some kind of terrible sin. She spent hours trying to get me to use my fork in my left hand. Would even stand behind me at meal times holding my hands to help me use use my fork in my left hand. I'd sometimes end up nearly in tears. I hated it, it didn't feel natural or comfortable having the fork on my left hand and I've never understood why it is such a big deal to some people. Apparently you just can't eat nicely with the fork in your right hand

I don't really care which way round people have their knife and fork. I'm far more offended by people eating with their mouths open or talking with their mouths full

We are all right handed but out of two adults and three children I'm the only one who eats with the knife in the right hand. One child used too, not sure if they still do. Everything else I use my right hand if both aren't needed. Hoover in right hand, iron in right hand, etc.

It is important to know how to do something the conventional way so that if circumstances warrant it you can conform. Whether you regularly do things that way is up to you. Personally I insisted my children used a knife and fork properly whilst at the dinner table so that it became second nature to them. Just one of the life skills that they can ignore in an informal environment but they can confidently use if the situation requires it.
Makes sense to me.

I'm afraid I'm another who judges people on how they hold their cutlery so yes, I would consider it bad manners.

A friend of mine recently decided to try online dating after about five years of being single. She went for dinner with a man who held his cutlery in the wrong hands. She couldn't get past it (although there were other issues not just this!) and didn't see him again. She's left handed but holds her cutlery the normal way.

My own DP doesn't hold his properly (although in the right hands) but as I love everything else about him I try not to look. I have given up trying to get him to do it differently.

If you're not supposed to use your fork like a spoon, then how do you eat peas? I've always been thwarted by peas and good table manners.

I was brought up to use the traditional English way of eating and much prefer it to the "sloppy" American way. On my last holiday I was really surprised to note how many people had appalling table manners. I find it off putting if someone talks with their mouth full and uses irons clumsily. These things are still important and we are doing our children no favours if we do not encourage good table manners.

I eat with my fork in my right, though I am right handed. I have better table manners than a lot of right handed eaters I know - in particular somebody I lived with at Uni who held their fork with a fist and used it as a shovel!

I could no more eat nicely with my fork in my left hand than I could write neatly with my left.

Table manners has nothing to do with how you hold your cutlery.

Proseccobitch - would you make the same judgement about someone writing left handed?

57968sp I completely agree with you. At home I usually use just a fork in my right hand and no knife (unless eating meat etc).

Mrscog no I wouldn't. I'm sure it's my problem rather than theirs but I had table manners and the correct way of holding cutlery drummed into me as a child and it's hard to get over!

Sashh, when abroad you must conform with important customs so as not to offend. This covers things such as not using the left hand to handle food or shake hands and even exposing the soles of your feet in some countries or covering your head in a religious place. There is no need to struggle with chopsticks, you won't offend anyone by asking for a fork.