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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you consider eating with your fork in the 'wrong' hand to be bad manners?

255 replies

Whatsername17 · 14/09/2016 18:42

Just that really. My right hand is my dominant hand, although for some tasks (like painting and cleaning) I tend to swap between my right and left hands. I eat with my fork in the right hand and knife in the left. Today someone was complaining that their kids eat the 'wrong way around' and that they were worried and felt it should be corrected. It made me feel a little self conscious tbh. Do people really care about which hand you have your fork in?

OP posts:
MaudlinNamechange · 17/09/2016 08:57

yeah maybe, but probably a good one :)

Gabilan · 17/09/2016 17:17

I eat as per the photo posted but sometimes in a mirror image of it. I don't mix my food in odd ways or grab food before everyone else has sat down, or eat with my mouth open or leave food smeared round my face. I'm actually quite polite and considerate, I just happen to be both handed (though not fully ambidextrous).

StepAwayFromTheThesaurus · 17/09/2016 18:56

If you only use the fork that way up (as in the photo), you are arbitrarily limiting the possibilities of your fork. Forks are great for scooping and it's plain stupid to pretend that it's 'better' to pretend they aren't.

Original poster
Whatsername17 · 17/09/2016 19:25

My parents do eat that way. Not sure how to explain me!

OP posts:
limitedperiodonly · 17/09/2016 19:32

Chopstick17, when you were teaching your children how to eat, did you show them that picture? I only ask because the most striking thing is that there is no plate and no food.

If my children didn't notice that, I'd worry that there was more than etiquette that I had to teach them.

Chopstick17 · 17/09/2016 21:45

limit You should be on the stage....

OhTheRoses · 18/09/2016 14:24

I have etiquette correct table manners but don't think about it consciously. I would never comment on another person's "table habits". But it does irritate me when I am eating with people who are noticeably self conscious or uncomfortable at the table because they haven't been equipped with the skills and confidence to be beyond their comfort zone and I do think that's important.

Aside from that these thongs evolve. Forks weren't used at all before the 17th century - even at court there were only spoons and knives. Can you imagine Henry VIII, The King, sitting nicely at the table being delicate or can you imagine him reaching across and using his hands?

limitedperiodonly · 18/09/2016 14:42

That's kind of you to say Chopstick17. I'm very busy and fulfilled atm but I'll think about it as a future career option.

Newtoday · 18/09/2016 14:45

I once read on here about a woman married to an American. She taught her DH to eat the "correct" way. FAR ruder, imo, than just leaving people eat how they are comfortable. How dare she!

Eat how you want! Being kind and polite and not making anyone else feel uncomfortable is far more important!

sashh · 18/09/2016 15:16

Does anyone know why 'fork in right hand' is considered 'wrong'? Is it just a cultural/traditional thing?

We ate with knives long before forks were invented and these would be used in the dominant hand.

As most people are right handed this was the right hand. Place settings would have a knife at the right so when forks came along they went in the other hand.

Some cutlery is designed to only be used with the knife in the right hand, eg some fish knives and sushi knives. Some others can be used in the left hand but are designed for right hand use, egg steak knives have serrations (usually) on one side.

I don't think it matters most of the time, but if you sit down to a table that has already been set it seems impolite to swap them over.

Rainbunny · 18/09/2016 18:11

I'm a bit of a stickler for the British cutlery "rules" but I don't care if people around me are eating like me or not. Mind you I was watching a youtube cooking video the other day (American) and at the end the cook tasted the finished dish and did that thing of slicing a piece of the chicken then transferring the fork into her right hand and using it like a spoon. It just GRATED on me terribly, obviously when I'm with others I'm too busy eating or talking to pay attention to others eating habits but watching someone eat on youtube that way... No no no! ;)

The one piece of etiquette I wish would be relaxed though is the "no elbows on table" rule. I went to a very posh restaurant with friends a while back and everyone was on their best dining behaviour and to be honest we all looked so stiff and uncomfortable sitting around the table with our hands stuck on our laps between courses.

mathanxiety · 18/09/2016 20:46

Maybe it says something about the atmosphere at dinner time when you were being taught British table manners if you have a noticeable reaction to seeing someone cheerfully doing it another way?

OvariesForgotHerPassword · 18/09/2016 20:49

If someone is watching which hand I use for which utensil while we're eating I'd think they're the rude one.

Boobyroof · 18/09/2016 20:58

I'm right handed and eat left handed. My mum is left handed and eats right handed. Not sure how I ended up like that, but my Mum was told that eating left handed was wrong when she was little.

PepsiPenguin · 18/09/2016 21:05

I had my hands slapped as a kid by dinner ladies as "that child is eating the wrong way" - I can't to this day eat the other way round, to everyone saying it's rude to move cutlery around try eating with your knife in the opposite hand Grin I would spill food all down myself doing this, I believe this is less polite than moving my cutlery.

Fish knives are awful evil things Grin

imwithspud · 18/09/2016 21:20

but if you sit down to a table that has already been set it seems impolite to swap them over.

Why would it be impolite?Confused

Surely it's more impolite to attempt to cut and eat food in a way which results in your food sliding across/off the plate because you're trying to eat in a way which others deem 'acceptable'.

I still can't believe people actually notice and judge people over such a minor detail.

limitedperiodonly · 18/09/2016 21:37

I am British. I eat with my fork in my right hand. Cutlery is always set out the wrong way round for me so I swap it over. I don't make an issue of it and I don't expect anyone else to.

RaspberryOverload · 18/09/2016 21:58

but if you sit down to a table that has already been set it seems impolite to swap them over.

I simply swap over at the point when I pick cutlery up to use.

sashh · 19/09/2016 06:00

OK those of you who use your knife in the left hand which hand do you use for a spoon?

Sorry I have a slight OCD about cutlery (including where they should be in a drawer) and I know I'm in the minority but I need to know.

I'm imagining when I have had people round for dinner, known as 'sashh's dinner' which means you are getting 5 courses with the appropriate wine for each (although strangely I don't care if you have red wine with your fish course and champagne with your meal) I love the look of the table with all the cutlery (incidentally my fish knives can be used in either hand) glasses etc set out.

Depending on what yo are eating will determine where I put the cutlery and what I put out so there may be a spoon on the right for soup, but then one on the left for pudding. The pudding knife will also have a fork to go with it. Or there may be a cake fork on the right -this is not to eat your main with.

Am I overthinking this?

It's not quite 6 am and I'm imagining having you all round fro dinner and my place settings being mixed up - oh shit now I'm thinking about napkins.

Why would it be impolite?

Because my table looks so pretty with everything set out. I'm not quite bad enough to use a tape measure to set the table - but I'm close. I need to go back in time and get myself a job 'in service' don't I?

JC23 · 19/09/2016 06:08

I'm so totally shocked that so many people eat with their cutlery the wrong way! Shock need to get out more

"Proper" table manners were drilled into me as a child. I thought that was normal.

I've never noticed people doing this though, and I do notice and hate it when people hold their knife like a pen.

TeaRexit · 19/09/2016 06:13

Im right handrd.

Spoon in right.
Fork in right
Knife in left.

Drinking from a cup at work - left hand to avoid previous drinkers germs

PepsiPenguin · 19/09/2016 06:23

Sashh my tables look exactly the same only I have been known to use a tape measure seriously try eating the other way round, see how you get on Grin

I set the table when it's just us the "wrong" way, as we are all incapable of holding our cutterly correct. I always place my knives correctly, so always sharp edge towards the plate.

Generally if someone else house pick up our cutlery at the point of eating, although I have been known to swap everything round so it's mirror image.

I do think it would be far far worse for me to try and eat in a way completely alien to me, scoot food all over the place. Life's too short to not actually enjoy the food someone's loving prepared for you because of how you hold your knife and fork IMO

Careforadrink · 19/09/2016 09:14

It's not the wrong way

It's what's comfortable - the dominant hand.

It's ridiculous and rude to insist people eat uncomfortably.

noeffingidea · 19/09/2016 10:27

I've never noticed how other people use their cutelry. Knives and forks are tools designed to get food from the plate to the mouth, and it's none of my business how other people use them.
Good table manners involve things like, not talking with your mouth full, not taking more than your share, saying please and thankyou, passing the salt, etc etc.
If you're polite and considerate there is no need for 'ettiquette'.

Toadinthehole · 19/09/2016 10:29

I'm just amazed at all the offence being taken on this thread. Good table manners! Individual rights! Freedom of expression! Human rights! Righthandidism!

Relax everyone. It's just a knife and fork... I mean a fork and knife.. umm....