To ask if you consider eating with your fork in the 'wrong' hand to be bad manners?

[Whatsername17]

Just that really. My right hand is my dominant hand, although for some tasks (like painting and cleaning) I tend to swap between my right and left hands. I eat with my fork in the right hand and knife in the left. Today someone was complaining that their kids eat the 'wrong way around' and that they were worried and felt it should be corrected. It made me feel a little self conscious tbh. Do people really care about which hand you have your fork in?

[RaspberryOverload]

Etiquette evolves, and in this particular instance holding cutlery the "right" way is just a reflection of the fact that for most people, your fork is in your left hand with the tines pointing down and your knife is in your right hand because most peoples right hand is stronger and therefore more suited to the activity of cutting. It was a practical measure, nothing else.

So there's no reason whatever for judging people for holding knives and forks the other way around.

Etiquette and good table manners are not the same thing at all. All those people who reckon they judge people for holding cutlery "wrong", well, I'm not actually bothered by your opinion. I eat with my knife in the left hand, but I'm neat, don't speak with food in my mouth, don't chew with my mouth open, and so on. All the real things I consider to be good manners. Oh, and I'm no more likely to wallop others with my elbows than anyone eating with a knife in my right hand.

[PickAChew]

I'm left handed and cannot coordinate my fork in my right hand at all. The standard British way around is the one things that is truly left handedness friendly!

[lovelybangers]

It matters to me.

I was shown how to hold my cutlery by the strict headmistress at primary school. I remember being embarrassed that I didn't already know. So am very conscious of good table manners and etiquette.

I am left handed and have no difficulty using fork in left amd knife in right hand.

Op. Soup spoons are rounder than dessert spoons. You are supposed to hold the spoon to your lips, sideways on and tip the soup in ro your mouth. No slurping.

[Whatsername17]

I think that would result in a soup spilling disaster for me! In my own home I often deliberately choose a soup spoon for cereal - I prefer the size!

[WaitrosePigeon]

You eat your knife and fork in whichever hands you want. The end.

[ApocalypseNowt]

I'm right handed but eat with my knife and fork the 'wrong' way round.

People did used to comment (not so much anymore). The worst were some parents of my friends when i was at school. It made me really self concious about going round to friend's houses because I felt awkward and stupid that I couldn't do it 'correctly'

[lovelybangers]

I think dining etiquette should be taught in school.

I notice how people eat. Whether they deal with the bread roll correctly, pass the salt and pepper etc.

I'm not upper class- nowhere near. My parents didn't teach me any of this either. However I think it is important amd have passed my knowledge on to DS.

I can't bear to watch Come Dine With Me as am way too absorbed in the unwieldy handling of cutlery.

[imwithspud]

Why is it important though? A few posters have said it's important but no one has explained why having cutlery in the 'correct' hands is important. Not being goady just genuinely curious.

It just seems so insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

[ApocalypseNowt]

Etiquette is fairly pointless, in fact it can be harmful as it can make those not in the know feel anxious or unsure of themselves and gives those in the know something to sneer at or look down on others for.

Manner are massively more important the main aim of which is to be pleasant and make sure no-one is uncomfortable.

I know which one I'd rather my DC practice.

[imwithspud]

And sorry but the notion that etiquette should be taught in schools is ridiculous. As if the national curriculum isn't jam packed as it is

[Danglyweed]

I cant really cut my food with my left hand so always swap my knife to my right to cut. No ones ever said anything to me about it.

Im the same as you op although right handed, my left hands fairly dominant

[NoncommittalToSparkleMotion]

No, wouldn't judge or care.

I would judge someone spending an entire meal correcting other people's "etiquette."

[Nanny0gg]

I don't have a problem with which hand holds the knife or fork but I don't understand people who hold their forks in an 'odd' manner. So many people seem to hold it back to front or to stab their food with it. It just looks awkward.

[maybethedayafter]

My DH eats the "wrong way round" because his Dad and his sister are left handed so he learnt from copying them. He also plays snooker left handed as his Dad taught him. For everything else he is right handed. I don't think it's bad manners.

[mommybunny]

Oh, this topic has ruined many a meal for me! I'm one of those who "notices but doesn't judge", but I married a man who cares about it intensely (I only found out after the DCs arrived and started eating with cutlery). I myself am American and grew up eating in that peculiar cut-meat-then-switch-hands-to-eat-it routine, but by the time I'd met DH I had been here long enough to realise the way I was eating was both dreadfully inefficient and non-conforming, and I "converted" (though I am more likely to say "shed-yool" than to pile bits of everything on my fork at once - that's just gross). It would never have occurred to me that the way I was eating before could have been construed as "bad manners", just that it didn't really fit in and could have marked me out as foreign (or worse, American) on sight.

But MY GOD does DH care. Our poor DD in particular is 9 and I believe may be slightly dyspraxic (is that the developmental issue with coordination?) and she is one of the messiest eaters you have ever seen, still. She knows how to use her knife and fork correctly but oftentimes she just forgets. I figure if she's using the cutlery and not her fingers (which is a frequent occurrence) we're doing ok but that ain't how DH sees things. They have to be in the "correct" hands too. As I said, it's ruined many a meal.

Both my DCs are good eaters in that they eat a wide variety of foods and are not terribly fussy. I wish he could just be grateful with that.

[Gabilan]

Using their cutlery correctly is a part of that. It can be very important on a date or at dinner with a boss/client you're trying to impress. Unless they weren't taught table manners either, they will notice and it is offputting

I'm both handed - I do some things left-handed, some right-handed and some with either. I eat either way round, fairly randomly. If someone found this off putting, I'd want to avoid them. Fortunately anyone who does notice tends to be intrigued, not judgey.

[Thecontentedcat]

Honestly if someone used cutlery incorrectly I wouldn't mention it, but I would notice and I would judge a little bit. It irritates me, as do all bad table manners. But, I'm more bothered about whether people are kind, considerate, entertaining etc though, so cutlery not a big deal.

[OhTheRoses]

But it's never been an issue in our house. I was taught how to set a table and hold a knife and fork. My children learnt the same way --and how to cut a peach, use fruit scissors for grapes, eat fish cooked on the bone, break a bread roll, etc-)

[StepAwayFromTheThesaurus]

The point of (upper class) etiquette rules is simply to exclude and sneer at other people.

Grape scissors indeed!

[MaudlinNamechange]

the English way of eating keeps the elbows low and close to the sides. People who scoop and shovel jab you in the ribs and it is annoying at the table.

Also, people who eat with the fork in the right hand tend to do some really gross sort of "processing / sorting / cement-mixing" things with their food. they stir it about and sort of sift and maul it, making it as porridgey as possible. They never just take a bite of something like, e.g., rice salad; there is always a sort of flipping and mixing first, which is really vile

[MaudlinNamechange]

One of the advantages of my separation from exP is that I am free to talk about table manners in an uninhibited (though gentle, and age appropriate) way. I know they will still be under his influence with him, but at least I have the chance to explain clearly that there is a way that, if you don't follow it, will be considered infra dig by many. And can be objectively inconsiderate; jabbing in the ribs while shovelling; failing to pass things; making nasty noises; etc. I can't bear the fact that his mother actually taught my children to dip biscuits. they can know about it when they are with her but I am free to tell them on my time: lots of people really don't think that's nice, including me.

[DotForShort]

I would think that anyone who judged another person for holding cutlery in the "wrong" hands is a snob and probably not worth knowing. Why don't some people understand that their way of handling cutlery is not, in fact, inherently superior? It is simply different to other national (or indeed individual) habits. Honestly, the sun finally (fortunately) set on the British empire many years ago. It is long past time to confine attitudes of cultural superiority to the historical dustbin.

[DotForShort]

mommybunny, your poor DD.

[MaudlinNamechange]

Also: a lot of people who make a song and dance about how manners don't really matter, are designed to oppress with a secret code, it only matters how we treat each other, which should be with consideration, salt of the earth, blah blah - my BIL is a classic one of these and an utter selfish shit at the table. Greedy and selfish. Etiquette can admittedly sometimes be a bit arcane, but the basic principles all derive from making communal experiences pleasant for everyone through being mindful of how one behaves in their presence. People who think "all this shit doesn't matter" are often saying, without knowing, "I am feeling oppressed by having to consider others than myself; offering things; watching to see what people want; behaving in a way that doesn't just put myself first". You might be oppressed, mate, but I am oppressed by you deciding not to bother and scoffing everything in front of you as soon as it is put on the table while the hosts are still on their feet and carving, etc

[Tartyflette]

I can honestly say I don't generally notice which way round someone holds their knife and fork but what I have noticed is that quite a lot of people, especially younger ones, (I don't mean children) seem to be having difficulty in manipulating their cutlery so that they can use it efficiently.
For example they hold either the knife, or the fork, or sometimes even both, grasped in their fist like, say, a stick, then put them both down vertically onto the food and try to pull it apart, because that's all you can do with it when you're holding the cutlery in that kind of grip. But it's clumsy and messy and inefficient.
Similarly, the technique of holding the knife the so-called 'correct' way, (not in the 'pencil' grip) means that it's much easier to cut food with it because you use the whole strength of your straight forefinger to bear down on the blade. It's really just about getting the best from the implements.
Incidentally as a leftie, I find eating fork-left-hand, knife-right easy but struggle somewhat with chopsticks!