To ask if you consider eating with your fork in the 'wrong' hand to be bad manners?

[Whatsername17]

Just that really. My right hand is my dominant hand, although for some tasks (like painting and cleaning) I tend to swap between my right and left hands. I eat with my fork in the right hand and knife in the left. Today someone was complaining that their kids eat the 'wrong way around' and that they were worried and felt it should be corrected. It made me feel a little self conscious tbh. Do people really care about which hand you have your fork in?

I taught the DCs both British and American methods. I think it's nice to be culturally 'bilingual'. Only exMIL ever made a rude comment about the British way.

I haven't noticed any sorting/sifting/cement-mixing among Americans with the fork-only method. I suppose it depends on the dish though. A rice salad would be scooped but items like roast beef would be speared and then eaten. Would the 'dog's dinner' thing be any different from chasing down items from all corners of the plate and then stacking them on the fork?

It is the height of bad manners to make any mention of the eccentricities of another person. As a good host, if your guest picks up their chop with their fingers and starts gnawing away, ideally you should the same. Your job is to make your guest comfortable.

This thread has been mostly polite and light hearted. However, I do take exception to the idea that people who eat with their fork in the right hand 'tend to do gross things' with their food. My right hand is only slightly more dominant than my left and cutting food is easier with my left. That is the only reason I eat that way around. People who cement mix their food are likely to do so due to preferring to eat it mushy, rather than because they are inept.

A upper middle gentleman I was out to dinner with once was watching me struggle eating something on the bone with cutlery.
He told me to use my fingers and not fuss with that nonsense. He then picked up part of his meal and ate with his hands.
I was pretty shocked and felt like it might have been a jokes on me... until he said "I pay good money for this, I'll eat it how I choose."

I was taught to have my fork in left hand and my knife in the right hand. I wouldn't be bothered about switching hands but I can't help but view those that hold their knife and fork like pens as having bad table manners!! Sorry, just how I was brought up!

I work in a Primary school and it is quite shocking to see how some children eat. Some have no concept of cutlery, even in years 5 and 6. If parents don't teach this, how will they ever learn?

Op i'd say the problem is with the people who make those sorts of comments, not you! ( i eat the correct way too apparently, could not care less).
This thread has made me laugh

It shouldn't matter but if I'm completely honest it does! I remember going out for dinner with my now husband for the first time. The fact that he ate 'correctly' was a tick in a box. Crazy but true!

I'm ambidextrous, I swap hands all the time!

And still no one has explained why this matters. Maybe because actually it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things and is not a reflection on whether the individual is a decent human being or not?

This is one of the few things I get properly angry about As long as someone is using a knife and fork when they're eating food that requires it, I don't give a flying fuck how they hold said knife and fork. It matters not one iota.

I get so pissed off when people judge others on how they hold their cutlery. How fucking shallow can you be? (Not aimed at you OP!!)

It's just life. We all judge each other all the time.

MaudlinNamechange

the English way of eating keeps the elbows low and close to the sides. People who scoop and shovel jab you in the ribs and it is annoying at the table.

Also, people who eat with the fork in the right hand tend to do some really gross sort of "processing / sorting / cement-mixing" things with their food. they stir it about and sort of sift and maul it, making it as porridgey as possible. They never just take a bite of something like, e.g., rice salad; there is always a sort of flipping and mixing first, which is really vile

Also: a lot of people who make a song and dance about how manners don't really matter, are designed to oppress with a secret code, it only matters how we treat each other, which should be with consideration, salt of the earth, blah blah - my BIL is a classic one of these and an utter selfish shit at the table. Greedy and selfish. Etiquette can admittedly sometimes be a bit arcane, but the basic principles all derive from making communal experiences pleasant for everyone through being mindful of how one behaves in their presence. People who think "all this shit doesn't matter" are often saying, without knowing, "I am feeling oppressed by having to consider others than myself; offering things; watching to see what people want; behaving in a way that doesn't just put myself first". You might be oppressed, mate, but I am oppressed by you deciding not to bother and scoffing everything in front of you as soon as it is put on the table while the hosts are still on their feet and carving, etc

Stop generalising, or rather, stop assuming that people who eat with a knife in the left hand are the same as your BIL. You are projecting somewhat there.

My DS and I eat with knives in our left hands. Doesn't mean we are automatically selfish and putting ourselves first, as you seem to imply.

What I am saying is that there is no good reason for this particular piece of etiquette. My family are considerate of others and simply choose to differ in which hand to use a knife. And I would guess the same is true of the many other posters on here who eat the same way.

Etiquette and manners are not the same thing.

Etiquette and manners are not the same thing

Oh, I can't tell you how much I agree with this. I think that someone who looks down on someone else because they don't understand or comply with some obscure snotty silly rule about how to hold their cutlery is the most bad-mannered of the two.

To me manners is about making sure that other people are happy and comfortable and at ease.

Chopstick, it's possible the children don't eat much besides burgers, chips and pizza at home, none of which requires use of cutlery.

I switch as I'm eating, fork in left and knife in right if anything needs cut then I'm switch them over and either use just the fork in my right hand without the knife or I'll use the fork in my right and the knife to push food onto it or vice versa, depends on what I'm eating. Couldn't care less what others are doing as long as they're not eating with their mouths open or spitting all over me.

Careforadrink

You're blowing this just a little bit out of proportion. If proper use of cutlery is a human rights issue, then it's hard to know what isn't. If it is, perhaps we should all stay at home and not have anything to do with each other in case we infringe each other's human rights.

On a more prosaic level, using cutlery requires dexterity (or should I say sinisterity) in each hand. That makes it different to using a pen. As for sexual orientation, wouldn't those of all orientations use both hands, or am I being bigoted by making such a two-handedist assumption?

Fairly relaxed at home but I go to a lot of business dinners & have been quite judgey surprised at the number of younger attendees (my age or younger, I'm early 30s) who have no idea about table manners. It can get awkward when someone eats your bread

DP hates the American way and commented that a friend of mine does it. It bothers me less but it still bothers me. I think it does look a bit childish to cut all your food up first.

If someone ate the left handed way but still correctly, I would not judge, I'd just assume they were left handed

Chopstick, it's possible the children don't eat much besides burgers, chips and pizza at home, none of which requires use of cutlery.

Absolutely, that's my point.

I keep seeing teenage girls eating by holding their knife like a spoon in their left hand and cutting the food with a knife. Their right elbow is usually on the table as well. Just looks very uncomfortable.

*fork like a spoon - they don't generally just use knives to eat! :)

The 'correct' way is the most efficient, it has a purpose. I was taught to eat that way and I have taught my children to do the same. If you're parents don't eat that way then obviously, you won't and your children won't and so it continues.

your

The correct way is only most efficient for a right handed person though.

Also, people who eat with the fork in the right hand tend to do some really gross sort of "processing / sorting / cement-mixing" things with their food. they stir it about and sort of sift and maul it, making it as porridgey as possible. They never just take a bite of something like, e.g., rice salad; there is always a sort of flipping and mixing first, which is really vile.

I think this is bullshit. Apologies for the anecdata here, but I am right handed and eat the "wrong" way round and the above way of eating turns my stomach, whereas DP uses cutlery the "right" way and does all that mixing it on the plate bollocks. That being said, mixing up rice with curry, chilli et cetera doesn't really bother me but when folk do it with stuff like potatoes & gravy & peas it bugs me. There are other things that bother me about how some people eat but that may be a different thread in itself!