WIBU to never go on family holiday again?

[MamaDuckling]

Loooong story but I'll try to keep it brief.

My family and I (10 in total, all adults except our two young DC) have for a long time done an annual villa holiday. This year I suggested that DH, DC and I would get a separate villa close to theirs as our DS is a very noisy early riser, and DD doesn't sleep through yet. My family LOVE to lie in and I foresaw problems with the kids spoiling everyone's rest. This suggestion was quickly dismissed, they all insisted they wanted us all to be together and of course understood that two young kids come with some noise.....

Fast forward and we are 4 days in, we have today been relegated to the crappy room on the ground floor (all of us, despite there being a more suitable separate room for 2yr old DS upstairs), because the noise is too much. We have done everything we can to keep him quiet but he's up at 6am and my family don't typically want to wake up until at least 10am (lazy arses IMO but I respect that we are all different).

It all came to a head this morning and I fell out with DB over it (himself expecting his first DC, ha!). He suggested we all decant into this one room. I have DD in travel cot next to me, DS on a mattress at the end of the bed, and snoring DH by my side. I am simply fucked off beyond belief.

WIBU to never do a stupid family holiday ever again based on our experience this time? I now just feel like we are a nuisance to everyone and wish we hadn't come at all.

Tbh sounds like db doesnt know much about children and had this lovely idea of all of you staying together in a villa, eating together etc. Sadly his image doesnt match reality something he will soon learn about.

Your mistake was listening to them, firstly by not booking own villa then moving rooms. I know that doesnt help you now. You cant keep a child quiet for 2 hours!!!! Id just continue with normal routine but maybe send dc in to uncle at 7am to bounce him. Id also remind he this was why you wanted own villa.

Good luck with the rest of your holiday. Maybe leave dc with uncle for the day as he needs to practice..😊😏😂

When I was on vacation with my brother and his wife and 3 kids (one is autistic) they did everything in their power to let me have a lie in till 7 AM. I was extremely grateful for this and it actually worked a couple of times. I thought everybody knew that most kids wake early and start jumping the bed and playing. It's a very healthy sign.

Inlove, most people don't have kids like you, it's not because you're such a strict parent, you are just lucky (till now).

Op, move! Your precious vacation is being ruined by these selfish people. Rent something else and go have fun with your husband and children.

I just keep thinking 6am isn't early but normal. Our middle dc gets up then as do we and always did pre-kids. Grown adults getting up at 10am everyday, what a waste of a day. Agree with other posters about your family not helping out. I have lovely memories of morning snuggles with my nieces and nephews so my siblings could have a lie in. Totally agree your brother is a wanker but shame on your parents for their lack of support, after all they must remember what it was like with young kids.

Inlove, what are you on about with your "who are you to say" nonsense?

Who is DBro to say everyone should be quiet until 10am when that doesn't suit four (of the eight) people on the trip? Particularly when he is moaning about the TV and seems to be saying four people should confine themselves to one room.

And yes, when I stay with my parents a few times a year, they happily take the kids from 6.30am (which is their getting up time for school and nursery so it doesn't change at the weekend) so that I can have a lie in. It's not an expectation but it's lovely and I think OP feels the same. If they didn't want to do it, that would be fine. If they didn't want to do it and they moaned about the kids being up and watching TV, I wouldn't go, because I'd be better off at home with the freedom to put on the TV without being moaned at.

You have my every sympathy! Sadly your brother sounds like the type who wouldn't say "I'm sorry I was wrong about toddlers" in a few years time, whether you videoed him or not! (I have sibling like this, guarantee when they have kids there will be some special snowflake reason why the baby has to be up early).

On a practical note, my two year old loves nothing better than pretending to drive a car, could you all decamp to the mini van to romp about while the lazy fuckers nap?

inlove, just to say I support everything you say. It is perfectly possible for young children to play quietly when they wake early in the morning; ours did and so did their cousins, particularly when we all stayed with their grandparents on holiday. They don't have to be strapped to the beds with gags in their mouths; equally running around and shouting does not have to be tolerated; it just takes clear boundaries, plenty of things to do, and gentle persistence, not good luck. Equally, no one expected to stay in bed asleep until 10am.
MamaDuckling if you are to have any sort of holiday (for which you have paid) I think you need to have a family 'talk' with your dictatorial family. Reclaim your bedrooms immediately but ensure your children are quiet until 8am, then get up and give them breakfast and play with them downstairs. I wouldn't imagine 10am lie-ins would be possible in hotels if absolute quiet is required.
I think I would then commandeer the minibus and go out, just the four of you, to leave the rest of the family a quiet, child-free day.
Enjoy reminding your brother of his attitude next year when he has a baby.

Alright inlove we all get it, you and your "hubby" are perfect and your kids are angels.

Your brother called you a f ing b*tch?? Disgraceful.

Your family are indeed bullying you and I wonder if this is a pattern. Move. Or outline why you need the other room and there will be noise. Totally unacceptable way to treat a family with young children. Good luck op

Not a troll. Just because my views differ from your own does not mean I'm taking a stance for the hell of it. My views are my own and as valid as yours, However different.

If people were so genuinely confident in their parenting convictions, they wouldn't need to resort to blatant name calling.

Hope the rest of the hols go well mama I agree that laughing at your DB is the best way to deal with his insanity/hilarity, and recording to play back to him def has possibilities, although I bet he'll apologise when he has a toddler!

I'd also bet that inlove (smug username and smug comments, what a surprise!) doesn't seem so smug when her DC are on here in a decade asking about going NC with their parents!

Inlove, you can only be the expert on your own children, not anyone else's.

Ahhhh inlove ... I have a friend like you. First two kids are spirited but take direction. They are really open to the idea of quiet and shushing you describe. She genuinely couldn't understand why other people's kids couldn't be reasoned with. Or were up at four am. Genuinely thought it was something shed done (and they are lovely kids, don't get me wrong)
Child three however... Well her third is like my first. Never sleeps, thinks 03;30 is wake up for the day time. Resistant to all forms of shushing. I think now she understands.

I should have tons of sympathy for her but I don't, because she was a sanctimonious arse to me when I had severe pnd and she simply would not understand that all babies are different

Op, I'm on holiday with my in laws atm and never again

Take back your rooms, remind them at every juncture that you said this would happen. Take them out as much as possible and if that means taking the bus with you then do it.
Then never, ever do a family holiday again

Fuck, I wish I'd had ilove around to knock DS1 into shape as a baby! He was born at 5.30am and has woken up at around that time every day since, despite my best efforts at shushing, whispering, dark environment, quiet activities etc. It Did Not Work with him. These days (he's 5yo) he wakes at 5.30 and sits and watches his bedside clock like a hawk until 6am, which has been decreed as the earliest acceptable wake-up time by the terms of the Household Entente Cordiale.

DS2 OTOH was born at night and has obvious tendencies towards toading in bed but has been training into waking early by his brother I suppose if we're up anyway!!!!

The point is, they're all different. I'm pretty sure that if we'd had DS2 first we would have been the smuggest twats on the planet

Don't holiday with them in this way again op, at least until the kids are a lot older.

honkinghaddock has just summed it up perfectly.

But sadly, I feel ilove is someone who can never take criticism or even contemplate that someone else's opinion might count.

Do you know what? I'd stop trying. Let your children get up early and make a noise. Why not? No one will put themselves out one tiny iota for you, so why should you bother about them? When they start kicking off, just a tinkly laugh and 'children will be children' and do not apologise or explain. It won't help the situation, but I think it might be quite satisfying.

Duckling is the DM your actual problem here? Have you have gone along with every stupid ass idea she had because you are scared of upsetting her?

Can't have your own villa because DM will kick off.

Can't get your own hire car because DM will kick off.

Can't move out into a hotel now because DM will kick off.

Can't go home now because DM will kick off. Get bullied into sleeping in one room, DM takes over your room immediately so you can't go back on it, you won't tell her to leave. Is that because she will kick off?

DB can call you a fucking bitch but DM won't kick off at him?

Listen to your DH, get out of there. They are going to kick off no matter what you do. You can't make them happy so do what you actually want instead.

Man ilove I feel quite sorry for your kids a smite, it must be right fun and games in your house poor little buggers.

Tbh with you OP I think I would be tempted to book somewhere else for a few days and separate from your family for the rest of your holidays and certainly never go away with them again. You know that your brother is going to be one of those precious about naptime types and will still get his own way next holiday.

Going by inlovewithmyhubby logic, the adults should be able to train themselves to sleep through a bit of noise.

Back in the real world, I can't wait for the ops brother to have children.

Op I wouldn't go with them again, I wouldn't have gone in the first place.

Imo it's far more antisocial to laze in bed until 10am than to get up at 6.

I agree Creativemode. Buggered if I'd creep around after 8am.

I love your logic, too. Why can't adults be sleep-trained if it's so easy to do babies?

What the fuck did they think would happen? You told them how it would be. They assured you it wouldn't be a problem.
I wouldn't even try to stop ds from being noisy in the morning.

I guess they expected 'some' noise. Probably not a full blown tantrum at stupid o clock on a Holiday. You did not have the courage to book a separate room or a villa and you won't get a separate car. You won't do a thing to make both your lives easier but moan about no one doing a morning shift to help you! YABU. Poor family.

I was the first of my siblings to have children and my kids (esp DS1) have always been very early risers (and yes inlove I did try absolutely everything. Apart from the blackout blinds, groclocks, shushing & trying to bring him into bed with us, I even kept a fucking spreadsheet for 2 years to try to find a sleep / nap / feed pattern that would make him sleep past 6am !) And haha to "teaching them to stay in bed til 7am as tiny babies" as that would have resulted in about 2 hours of screaming in my house. Not very good for the child I would think.

Anyway...we've done a few villa holidays with my family and although my dad is an early riser, my mum & siblings aren't and it was difficult trying to keep DS quiet for a few hours every morning. We did the best we could though & DH & I took it in turns so that each of us could get a lie in.

I'm sure we were noisier than the family would've liked, but although we might have joked about it...they never complained or got precious about their lie ins!

The difference I think was the expectations from each side. My family knew that DS got up early and did not expect complete silence until 10am. And I did not expect any of the rest of the family to help out with the early rising....they spent enough time with the kids during the day and it is their holiday as well!

Your family knew that your kids would be up early & noisy in the morning. They insisted that you all came to the same villa. Tell them you are sleeping in the most suitable rooms for your family and they they should buy some earplugs.

And don't go away with them next year!

MrEBear. Sounds just like my sil and brother. We went away with them for a long weekend last year. Having to keep my child quiet until their son woke - younger by 3 yrs and they really think the sun shines out of his arse. DD is older now so it was all fine anyway and she didn't attempt to disturb him even at 8am (she's an early riser). On the other hand, these adults have no consideration for those sleeping with loudness, drunk ramblings and banging around till 2am or beyond. Sil came to see us in the holidays for a couple of nights and insisted on sleeping in their camper van on our driveway under the pretence DD would wake her DS - absolute bullshit. We have a lovely spare room with a big bed and ensuite.

inlove my cousins DD no 3 has always woken up ridiculously early. 4 am. Even as a toddler, she used to go downstairs and amuse herself. They considered themselves lucky they weren't expected to get up with her. Her first two sleep just fine.