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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what your age cut off point to have a baby is?

404 replies

Mummyyummy2012 · 13/09/2016 21:32

I'm 43 and figure I am probably too old for any more children but deep down in my heart I'd love another...aibu to ask how old you think is too old?

OP posts:
phillipp · 13/09/2016 21:47

I was done at 28. Had just given birth to my second and no inclination to do it all again.

everyone is different.

But for me that was it.

KentMum2008 · 13/09/2016 21:48

I had my DCs at 20 and 22. I split with their dad 5 years ago, but met DP at 28 (I'm now 30). I'm painfully broody, but DP is 42 and is adamant that he's too old. If we did have another, realistically I would be at least 31 and DCs would be 11 and 9. For me it's less about the age I am and the age gap between them. Having said that, there's 13 years between me and my big sis and we're very close.

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys · 13/09/2016 21:48

Mid 30s I reckon. I'm mid 20s now so you never know what could happen in 10 years!

Bearfrills · 13/09/2016 21:49

It's when people say the risks increase after the age of 35 that baffles me. The risks don't suddenly shoot through the roof at the stroke of midnight on the eve of your 35th birthday Confused

YerAWizardHarry · 13/09/2016 21:49

I had my first at 19, can't imagine having another when DS is in his twenties. I'd quite like to be done before I'm 30 - DP 7 years older as well - however I don't finish uni until I'm 28 and would obviously like time to get established in his career etc its a fine balance. Plus reluctant about the big age gap.

Spiderpigspiderpig · 13/09/2016 21:50

I feel the same as katemess at 32 I don't think I'm too old to have any more, but my dc are 7 & 3 and life is much more fun than with a baby.

n0ne · 13/09/2016 21:50

Had DD at 34, would love another one in a couple of years by which time I'll be 39-40. But I'd consider anything up to early 40s. Now just need to get DH on board Hmm

HopperBusTicket · 13/09/2016 21:50

I had DC1 at 35 and DC2 at 40 (big gap due to fertility issues). I've been feeling broody but there are all sorts of reasons that a 3rd child doesn't make sense for us. My age is related to some of those reasons (I'm 41 now) but it's not a reason of itself.

SillySongsWithLarry · 13/09/2016 21:51

I had my youngest at 23 and cant imagine any more. They will be adults when I'm 40. Looking forward to my 40's.

AVY1 · 13/09/2016 21:51
  1. But mainly because I have two chronic illnesses that will only get worse and I already feel (at 30) like my body is at a point where I'm already pushing it trying for number 2.
roundandroundthehouses · 13/09/2016 21:52

I had my last at 32 and wouldn't have wanted to have one over about 35. That's just personal to me, though - I didn't have a good experience of being the child of an older mother (40+). That doesn't mean that I think others are too old, though - just that I didn't want to do it myself as I think I would have worried about it and projected too much. Also, 50 seemed like a good age to have my youngest reaching 18.

VoteyMcVoteFace · 13/09/2016 21:52

I had my first at 40 and my second at 43. Im 45 now and I don't want another, but if I did I'd probably consider myself too old to start ttc. If it happened though (no bloody chance of that unless 3 wise men are on the horizon) I would go with it. I am fucking knackered, but I already have 2 littlies so what difference would another make Confused

alltouchedout · 13/09/2016 21:53

Too old for me is now, 35, because I am so tired. I have 3, the eldest 10 and the youngest coming up for 2, and a full time job that keeps me out of the house between 7:15am and 7pm, and I am exhausted. I had a slight pregnancy scare the other day and I cried.
In general though, if you're not post menopause (not including those unlucky enough to have very very early menopause obviously) and you feel up to it, you're young enough, whatever age that is for you. I do give post menopausal older people who have treatment to have a baby the side eye and I know I'm being judgy but I do think that's just ridiculous.

MrsMook · 13/09/2016 21:54

I had mine at 30 and 32. I'm now 35 and thinking that the boat may have sailed to do it again. Not necessarily that I'm too old, but DH is older and we're getting to the zone where university and retirement would clash. Life has got simplified in the last year and I'm in the wrong place to want to step back to the baby days at present. Maybe I could manage in the future, but that pushes DH "too old" for our comfort zone.

I had SPD quite badly both times, and difficult births. The thought of recovering from that closer to 40 is a decent antidote to broody urges!

FairyAccess · 13/09/2016 21:56

I really didn't want to be classified as an 'older' mother which at the time was over 30 so I had my 4 DC in very quick succession with the last one being born when I was 30. I was lucky that I met and moved in with my DH when I was 18 when we were at Uni so we felt like we had plenty of time having fun and travelling before we started having kids. We were also lucky money wise and were financially comfortable fairly young.

Having the kids before 30 reduced the risks of birth defects and also meant that if we had had fertility problems we would have longer to try and sort them out.
I was also keen not to have kids at home when we were older. We are in our early 50's and all are kids are at Uni. I wouldn't personally want to be in my 60's and still have teens.

I don't care what other people do but I am glad we had our kids before we were in our thirties.

happy2bhomely · 13/09/2016 21:57

For me, it was 30. But then I had my first at 17 and my 5th at 30, so I had had my fill! I had increasingly worse SPD with each pregnancy and wouldn't have wanted to find out how much worse it could get. Sleepless nights were also much easier as a 17 year old, compared to as a 30 year old.

I am glad I had my children when I did. I am 33. My eldest is 16 next month. My youngest has just turned 3. I have been with my husband for 17 years. It works for us.

I don't have an opinion on when other people should start or stop having babies.

lordStrange · 13/09/2016 22:00

I always thought that if I hadn't met someone and had a baby by 40 I'd adopt.

I had dc1 at 36 and dc2 at 41. I have no regrets, my 20's and 30's were awesome.

I know someone who had twins at 47 and she's a terrific mum to them. It's such an individual thing.

squiggleirl · 13/09/2016 22:00

It's when people say the risks increase after the age of 35 that baffles me. The risks don't suddenly shoot through the roof at the stroke of midnight on the eve of your 35th birthday

But there is a point that people consider the risks have just become too great, and for a lot of people that coincides with being 35, down to the incident rate of chromosomal issues. I had my 3rd child at 35. That child was 4.5 times more likely to have Down Syndrome than my 1st. That was a huge consideration for me, and one of the reasons we don't have a 4th.

shins · 13/09/2016 22:01

Had mine at 24, 35 and 38. 38 was way too old for me and I had a horrible exhausting time of it. If I'd met dh (father of my younger two)earlier I would've wanted to finish by 30. I find older parenthood hard. But that's just me.

AndNowItsSeven · 13/09/2016 22:02

Probably 45/46 , if I planned to have another. Unless my health improves then I won't.

HanYOLO · 13/09/2016 22:02

Had my youngest at 40, smoothest pregnancy and birth, very chilled and happy baby. Would have been happy to have another up to 45, but then the urge subsided. Didn't have another because of already having three - money, capacity, sense of responsibility to the world - rather than age.

MadameJosephine · 13/09/2016 22:03

For me it was 40 but DD had other ideas and was born when I was 41 Grin

nennyrainbow · 13/09/2016 22:04

I can remember thinking about this when I was about 20 and expecting that I'd have a couple of kids around late twenties/ early thirties and definitely before 35. Fast forward on 23 years ( I am also 43) and my life is nothing like how I imagined. I have 4 kids, the youngest being 2 years old, so born at 41. I didn't the youngest baby any more difficult - if anything, the first baby was the hardest as it required the most adjustment to my lifestyle / sleep patterns.
My family is now complete but had it not been, I wouldn't be ruling out the possibility of another baby at 43. I am glad though that that stage is behind me now.

ThoraGruntwhistle · 13/09/2016 22:05

I'm 36 and not planning any more. We can't afford another and the house isn't big enough. If it were to happen accidentally, I'd be quite worried about how much could go wrong even though plenty of people older than me have babies. I'm not actually sure what I would do if it did happen.

imip · 13/09/2016 22:06

My first dd was born when I was 34, she was stillborn after 18 months of infertility. I conceived straight away and my surviving dds were born when I was 35, 37, 38 and 40. Fell pregnant with all surviving children on the first attempt.

Timing was fine for us. We'd travelled a lot, moved abroad, saved a lot of money. I think it's biology as I'd love another, but I was sterilised at the last birth. As much as I would love an unexpected pregnancy (I'm 45 now), it's be far too much to manage. It remains a little fantasy (I have fantasy triplet names for them. I also think that any age before the average age of menopause is fine, especially if you haven't had a child before. I guess realistically though, mid 40s seem a sensible time. I don't think there's one age where it all becomes 'wrong'!