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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what your age cut off point to have a baby is?

404 replies

Mummyyummy2012 · 13/09/2016 21:32

I'm 43 and figure I am probably too old for any more children but deep down in my heart I'd love another...aibu to ask how old you think is too old?

OP posts:
shabbs · 21/09/2016 08:14

Found out, on my 40th birthday, that I was having DS4 - was my easiest pregnancy - delivery was 'slightly interesting' lol but pregnancy was trouble free. He is 19 now - as bright as a button, hardworking, amazing young man.

MrsDeVere · 21/09/2016 08:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bearfrills · 21/09/2016 08:16

I'd be very quickly changing midwives and putting a complaint in to her supervisor.

NothingMoreThanFelines · 21/09/2016 09:49

How bizarre. When I was pregnant with my DD at 42, no one said anything about my age or about it being a high-risk pregnancy. I was given the option of a home birth, as we lived near the hospital, or the birth centre. (I chose the birth centre but in the event fate intervened and DD arrived 6 weeks early, so I was whisked onto the ward.)

WouldLoveACupOfTea · 21/09/2016 09:51

The risks are overrated. If you want another go for it. My mother was born when her mother was 45, thank Goodness my grandmother didn't have a cut off point!

FrozenAteMyDaughter · 21/09/2016 09:52

I saw that article minatiae - apparently this is a "furious debate". I think my definition of "furious" differs quite markedly from the Daily Mail's!

dingdongdigeridoo · 21/09/2016 09:54

I can't imagine having any more in my late 30s because I'm knackered and feel old. However, there are plenty of bouncy, lively mums at school who are 10 years older than me and doing great! Depends on your energy levels, health, and how well you cope with kids.

Kazziemb · 21/09/2016 18:25

Had my child at 48.5 was lucky as had no problems, used ivf and own eggs.

Kazziemb · 21/09/2016 18:28

...and my mum's mum had her in her mid forties so maybe it's genetic (no Ivf of course in the 1930's)

thehugemanatee · 22/09/2016 02:56

The risks associated with advanced maternal age are very much real. I'd put it more at 39 than 35 that the risk jumps the most, though.

Advanced maternal age is strongly associated with chromosomal abnormality (and incidentally advanced paternal age shows some association with single-gene disorders), and the reason for this is the way that egg production differs from sperm production. I'm sure most of you will remember being taught at school that meiosis results in 4 haploid gametes, but that actually is only true for the production of sperm. Sperm are produced constantly starting from puberty and meiosis in males does result in 4 haploid gametes. Eggs are different.

Eggs are produced in utero. They enter the first phase of meiosis in utero. At the stage where homologous chromosomes pair and cross over, the points of cross over are held together by chiasmata, which keeps the pairs together. The role of crossing over/chiasmata formation here is actually to hold the chromosomes together, not for genetic diversity (though it contributes, it's not the purpose -- independent assortment is the major contributor to genetic diversity). In females, meiosis arrests here in utero.

This means that a woman is born with all of her eggs already half way through meiosis, and the chiasmata are responsible for holding those chromosomes together until the egg is released during the menstrual cycle, at which point the egg will exit meiosis I and begin meiosis II, forming a single gamete plus the first polar body. Meiosis II and the second polar body only occur after the egg is fertilised. So meiosis in females only produces one gamete and only completes on fertilization.

The drawn out nature of the process makes it error prone. Chiasmata weaken over time. Loss of chiasmata integrity significantly increases with age and results in chromosomal abnormalities because where there are chromosomes that are not held together any more, when meiosis I completes, you will have aneuploidy or trisomy due to nondysjunction of homologous chromosomes. Additionally, errors in meiosis II also lead to trisomy due to nondysjunction of the sister chromatids.

Trisomy 21 or Down Syndrome appears to be associated with advanced maternal age more than other errors from nondysjunction, but that's not actually the case. The reason it's seen as more common is that it's one of the few viable outcomes of nondysjunction. Most will be incompatible with life and will be lost either as miscarriage that is obvious or before the woman even knows she was pregnant. This is why it's harder to conceive as you get older. The percentage of eggs which will have errors in meiosis gets larger as we age.

So the risk is real. It is also probably not overestimated since a large number of failed pregnancies won't be noticed or reported, and where early miscarriage occurs the reason won't necessarily be determined.

MrsDeVere · 22/09/2016 07:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blondeshavemorefun · 22/09/2016 09:51

Thank god my mw doesn't think I'm over the hill at 43 and first pregnancy with first baby

My mw is supportive which is why I chose her

SukeyTakeItOffAgain · 22/09/2016 10:35

I don't remember that from school actually, but it was Quite Interesting.

I think on balance, my cut off remains at 42, given the care and monitoring which are now available. I would not consider this if i didn't think that, if a serious problem arose, I would be able to confront the reality of termination. I think that, in essence, is what "being aware of the risks" actually means in practice - knowing that you would be able to confront terminating the pregnancy, or knowing you would continue the pregnancy knowing that in likelihood the rest of your life will be spent looking after child then adult with anything from mild or profound disabilities. But then disabilities can occur after being born also.

It is a lottery. Anecdotes are not statistics but my friend conceived and gave birth to a baby recently with no problems at 45, and I have taught a little boy with Down's Syndrome whose mother had him at 21.

BoffinMum · 22/09/2016 10:54

BLONDES!
I DID NOT KNOW YOU WERE UPDUFFED!
YOU TELL ME NOTHING!

Boff x

Blondeshavemorefun · 22/09/2016 12:48

Boffy - you are on my FB

Announced it 6w ago with ickle blob and heart scan pic

And also on Monday with 12w scan pic

The 2 most liked and commented status's on my FB !!!!

funfunapple · 22/09/2016 14:05

I had youngest at 36. I'm 42 now and couldn't think of anything worse than havjng a baby. 40 would face been my cut off

BoffinMum · 22/09/2016 22:51

Ok, fair enough although I am having a FB break so missed it. Going there now though!

MrsCharlieD · 22/09/2016 23:15

35 is my cut off purely because I want to have a bit more freedom in my forties. I'm 33 now and trying for dc2, ds is 2.5. I still feel young though, no different to when I was in my 20s. I think the perception of being a certain age has completely evolved though and I wouldn't bat and eyelid at someone becoming a mum in their early 40s. I think past 45 there is a shift though and it's seen as less acceptable.

Julia001 · 22/09/2016 23:21

I had DD at 24 and DS at 36, we joked that because he is 13 now we should have another one HAHA! But seriously, I had lots of energy at 24 and not as much patience as I have now, and by 36 I didn't have the energy but had learn't the patience, it all depends on how you feel and you can have a blood test to determine the likleyhood of having a Downs Syndrome baby (it wouldnt have mattered, my Uncle had Downs and it wouldn't have fazed me ) Don't worry about what people think, if you are ok with it and your health allows, do it. Sod what people think !

Mummyyummy2012 · 23/09/2016 07:12

OP here- apparently on the daily mail, this thread is a 'furious debate' about appropriate age to have a baby. The whole story is just nicked quotes from our posts!
It's unlikely I will have another baby at 43/44 as don't think I have the energy tbh!

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 23/09/2016 09:08

Have you seen my scan pics now boffy? :) 💙💓

Frazzled2207 · 23/09/2016 09:29

40 ish for me.
I had mine at 35 and 37 so beat the cut off.
Now 38 - If I was younger I'd be going for no 3 in a few years but I can't fathom doing that anytime soon (no time for sex anyway) so I'm almost certainly "done".
The main concern for me would be being quite "old" by the time my kids become adults. I'd also like to have energy to run after grandchildren one day.

I know a few mums who've had kids in their early 40s and it seems to have worked out well for them.

pinkie1982 · 23/09/2016 14:08

I was 32 with my first and said I only wanted one. Thats a personal decision but I was told by many people I was 'too old' to have a child at that age!
Older mothers and further testing start at 35. I don't think it is old but obviously comes with a greater risk. I think 40 would be cut off for me if I ever changed my mind (which I won't)

pinkie1982 · 23/09/2016 14:10

I know why my family said this. My mum was 20 and my grandmother 40 when I was born (eldest grandchild) and my sister had my niece at 19 so I was the childless 'older' sister who never wanted kids until she hit 30

expatinscotland · 23/09/2016 14:14

'I'm a midwife.'

I'm really Theresa May.

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