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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that it's my labour and not our labour?

150 replies

GummyGoddess · 13/09/2016 19:18

I'm due to have our first child shortly and have been nagged by several midwives to write down some sort of birth plan.

I wrote said plan today (bullet points, less than one page) and shared it electronically with my husband in case he had anything he wanted to add. I then at some point referred to it as "my labour list" and he said it was also his labour list. I pointed out that I would be in labour and not him, therefore it was about "my labour for the birth of our child" and therefore I get final approval of it as it will be me doing the hard work. He said that it would be hard work for him too.

He now appears to not be speaking to me. I do have a (small) degree of autism but surely it's my labour list as I will be in labour? Am I right or is it his labour as well?

OP posts:

greenandblackssurvivalkit · 13/09/2016 20:05

Is he usually controlling and abusive?

DartmoorDoughnut · 13/09/2016 20:06

Bless his heart

Topseyt · 13/09/2016 20:08

I couldn't stop laughing at this.

Wait till he actually witnesses labour and birth for real. I bet he then changes his tune and is relieved that it isn't actually HIS labour.

Of course it is your labour. He is being utterly ridiculous.

greenandblackssurvivalkit · 13/09/2016 20:09

Sorry, I should probably say, my ex did this. Dictated which pram (He didn't actually care, but I wasn't allowed to name decisions). Made childbirth all about him.

He was a bit of a Titchner.

Your posts worry me.

greenandblackssurvivalkit · 13/09/2016 20:10

*make, not name.

And Titchener.

0SometimesIWonder · 13/09/2016 20:10

Tell him you'll want to hold his balls for comfort, while you're in labor. Every time you get a contraction you'll give them a little squeeze and each squeeze will get tighter as the pain increases. After all, it's only fair that he feels what you're feeling since it's his labor too. He should be happy to share the pain.

Oh yes, bloody brilliant is right ! Monitor and tea interface here....

LugsTheDog · 13/09/2016 20:13

Ah, OP. I love this sentence of yours:
"I do have a (small) degree of autism but surely it's my labour list as I will be in labour? "

Even us NT weirdies can't argue with that!

Btw less than a page of bullet points is good going for a first birth plan. And "lucozade is disgusting?!" Lots of people like it, and I find the flat isotonic stuff perfect when I have nausea. Honestly why not just ask what YOU would like for YOUR labour? We took murray mints because I fancied them.

Jessbow · 13/09/2016 20:14

Tell him to write his own labour plan, you have done yours.

We can have a giggle over it

WinchesterWoman · 13/09/2016 20:15

You're about to go into labour and he's not speaking to you because you say it's not his labour?

Oh dear. This is NewMan-itis gone insane. Talk about proprietorial . He is going to be VERY bossy with the Calpol.

MrsJoeyMaynard · 13/09/2016 20:15

I suppose it's nice that he wants to be involved, but really, he's just a spectator. You're the one who'll be doing all the hard work. It's ridiculous of him to suggest that it'll be hard work for him too.

Incidentally, how come you left the pram decision entirely up to him? Won't you be using it too?

PirateFairy45 · 13/09/2016 20:15

He may feel like you're pushing him out of the experience but you're not being unreasonable what so ever!!. You're the one going to be in labour

Not him!!!

NorseFrench · 13/09/2016 20:18

YANBU. Don't have much else to add that hasn't already been said.
I liked the way arfarf phrased things

sentia · 13/09/2016 20:19

The best way he can support you is by not making it all about him. At all. Ever.

He could be entirely absent and you would manage and you would have a lovely newborn at the end. If you were absent on the other hand there would be no baby at the end. Does he not get that? He is the support act at best, nothing more.

Is he always this self-centred?

motherinferior · 13/09/2016 20:20

He does realise that his 'hard work' providing acceptable beverages and offering the odd back rub is entirely optional, doesn't he?

One of you has the choice of deciding you don't fancy doing this any more. The other doesn't. The clue is in the word 'choice'.

He's being Very Annoying.

NapoleonsNose · 13/09/2016 20:20

YOUR labour, most definitely not HIS labour. The only labouring men I know work on building sites and even carting round hods of bricks all day is easier than squeezing a watermelon through a hole the size of a small satsuma.

TeaPleaseLouise · 13/09/2016 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 · 13/09/2016 20:22

If you are bf buy some extra strong pegs and stick them on his nipples so he can share in the bf experience with you also.......

Gaspard · 13/09/2016 20:23

at 'we have a broken leg' and attention siphoning. Hilarious!

LugsTheDog · 13/09/2016 20:23

Actually JessBowen's idea of getting him to write his own one rather than editing and getting to "sign off" yours is genius and yes we'd love to see it

MrsJoeyMaynard · 13/09/2016 20:26

He does realise that his 'hard work' providing acceptable beverages and offering the odd back rub is entirely optional, doesn't he?

^^ this. DH was entirely (unavoidably) absent throughout my labour with DS1, so no beverages other than water for me, and no backrubs - and we still ended up with a baby at the end of it. The only essential people in the room during labour are the labouring woman, the unborn baby, and the midwives / obstetricians.

inarmsofanangel · 13/09/2016 20:28

I just wrote - 'keep dh out of the room' on my plan and he was fairly happy with that.
Laboured on my own with 3 kids. Much easier!

crayfish · 13/09/2016 20:29

Oh honestly, some men have to have everything don't they?! Of course it's your labour. He might just be trying to be a 'new man' about it all, but from my experience it's incredibly important for you, you know - the actual labouring woman, to feel in control while your in labour. If he wants to feel in control at nappy change time or bath time or for the night feeds, then he can knock himself out with those but the labour is your domain.

inarmsofanangel · 13/09/2016 20:29

I just wrote - 'keep dh out of the room' on my plan and he was fairly happy with that.
Laboured on my own with 3 kids. Much easier!

DrCoconut · 13/09/2016 20:32

Flat lucozade was amazing when I was having DS3. I drank a litre of it in a couple of hours. As for "our" labour, my ex actually complained that maternity wards are too female oriented and it's all about what women want. He said that fathers should be able to veto their partner's choices re pain relief, interventions etc if they want to as its not fair otherwise like I said, he is my ex.

Clickncollect · 13/09/2016 20:35

Arfarfanarf

Send him over here, I'll shove a melon up his dick and rip him from front to back, make sure he gets the full experience.

This has actually made me cry laughing - brilliant. Thank you Arf!!

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