£9000 per year plus living costs and it is policy for the university tutor not to talk to,parents...am I being too precious?

[MillyDLA]

Just wondered your thoughts. My ds has missed the credits needed to move to his next year at uni, failing one exam by 2%. He has only just been told today that he can't return to uni until Sept 2017. I would have liked to have discussed this and meet with the personal tutor to support my ds in making the right choices. I want him to stop and consider all of his future options. However, even with my ds present the uni have refused any contact. I know my ds is a grown up, but this is a big decision. Added to that are all of the financial implications, student loans, a flat signed for for the whole of next year and future career/change of degree options. Big decisions to make.

I am interested in your thoughts around the lack of contact by the uni.

Thanks

There is an epidemic of mental health problems in universities today , we don't yet understand why this is but when a young person is panicking and vulnerable and possibly unable to cope with the situation in which they find themselves , however much it may be of their own making then a parent may need and will probably want to get involved, not to solve the problem for them but just to help them find their own solution.

^
This

There are some really stupid and knobbish comments here.

Are some posters just thick or being provocative comparing 'holding his hand at a job interview' with supporting his future career / degree at this point?

It seems academic ( excuse the pun) whether the OP has a meeting with his tutors or not; the options have been set out. I don't know what she'd hope to achieve. The practicalities need sorting out re. his housing and his way forward.

He will have a personal tutor, access to counselling and other welfare support at the uni - maybe even a student mentor who is in a higher year. He ought to make full use of those if he needs to. His parents can support him from the sidelines.

I think what's come out of this thread is not so much the detail about this lad's situation, but how some posters advocate parents washing their hands of a child once they are 18. Appalling!!!!

. My DCs are 10 years post graduation and we are still very hands-on parents offering support when needed, even though DCs are working and living away from home.

Re: the idea that resits could take place earlier. As well as all the administrative reasons people have given, it is in the interest of the students doing the resits that they don't take place too early. If a student has studied a module for a year and failed it in April, how on earth would they be in a position to pass it in May? They need time to actually learn the material. At my institution, we moved resits one week earlier once, from the beginning of August into the last week of July, and had tons of complaints. Yet as it is people say 'why can't it be done earlier?' We can't win.

Also, regarding the points about 'students should be told when they'll get their results' and so on. In my experience, this is communicated in several ways and repeatedly (in emails to students, on the website, by tutors in class) and still we get students contacting us saying they don't know when it is. This happens with quite a few things. Every year, for instance, I tell my students not to book holidays in exam weeks (which are stated on our academic calendar before the year even begins), because they can't take the exam on a different day and will automatically fail and have to resit. I say this several times, put it in lecture slides. Every year I have at least one student who emails me telling me the exam clashes with their holiday and can they do it the week after? Meanwhile, I wouldn't be surprised if they've told their parents that the mean old uni has sprung this on them and refuse to be flexible, even though they're paying 9K, etc.

Universities are becoming increasingly frustrated with parents who think that they can interfere in their children's academic lives. It was practically unheard until about ten years ago, but a couple of friends of mine who work in universities have said it is becoming a real problem.

then perhaps they should have thought about that before they demanded parents pay 9k a year to them. If you are buying something, you have a right to be involved in decisions that affect you financially.

The fact that fees are now payable is not relevant as students have the responsibility for paying these, rather than their parents. Some parents may decide to give the child the money so that they don't have to take out a loan to pay the fees but that is between the adult child and parents and not the universities concern.*

it is totally relevant and completely disengenous to insist otherwise.

Now that UK parents have to pay fees, I don't see why they shouldn't be treated as paying customers too (not asking for guarantee of a degree but just basic communication with a customer about options etc if student is not performing)

This basic communication exists, information about progression, what happens if you fail. Support and advice if things go wrong. But in my experience ( as someone who used to write this stuff ) students just don't bother to read it and then claim ignorance! OP if you are still reading, you will probably be able to find this stuff out on the uni website.

then perhaps they should have thought about that before they demanded parents pay 9k a year to them. If you are buying something, you have a right to be involved in decisions that affect you financially

It's just to comparable to buying something in a shop. What you are buying Is access to a university education. Taking full advantage of this access and opportunity is largely up to you as the student.

Polly no one sensible is advocating withdrawing supportand and most people are aware of mental health problems can often rear their head at university.

But there are a number of people who feel intervening with the university is not appropriate. Nothing is stopping the op having the 'what's going on at university, do you want to talk about what your options are?'

The op is rightly worried about her son. The reasons why he failed
to clear the low hurdle of passing first year after a resit need to be considered, but I feel that discussion needs to happen with her son, not with the university admin staff or his HoD.

He isn't being punished or singled out, he has failed to meet a set criteria and that will be laid out in microscopic detail on the university website. If there are underlying problems that meant he couldn't cope with first year, they need to be dealt with before continuing his course of study.

The whole process feels like visiting a local and vast used car dealership. Your dc might pick a good car or it might be a dud. They might go for something sporty when they should be in a Skoda. Your dc might appear to be a good driver but there is no guarantee. There are loads of sales people in shiny suits wanting your dc to look at their wonderful car. Even if your dc looks under the bonnet they don't really have a clue about engines.

There is no guarantee that your dc won't crash the thing and the bottom line is that it will cost a small fortune and some cars will devalue quicker than others. Your dc will probably still be paying for it when it sits as scrap metal in a dump. You will end up baling out the sad and sorry dc while they get a zero hours contract to try and earn some money. They signed the paperwork as an 'adult' so it is tough.

At this point someone with the great benefit of hindsight will come along bearing a crystal ball and say that you or your dc should have had the foresight to buy a bicycle or walk. Even if they are right you will feel like slaughtering this smug bxxxxxd.

Empress I very much enjoyed the Stereolab themed username.

it is totally relevant and completely disengenous to insist otherwise.

If an adult student is responsible for paying the fees, why is it "disengenous" to state that tuition fees are not relevant to the issue of whether parents should have direct contact with the university regarding their adult child.

Thanks likedylan😀

Parents may be providing the money but the contract is with the student. The student is an adult. The parents have no rights to be involved in any part of the process - the student can choose to invite them in (subject to university rules and policies)

They're 18 - they can vote, stand for parliament, drink, drive, join the military and shoot interesting people and swap bodily fluids with any consenting adult they wish.

I think its a racket. I won't be encouraging my kids to go unless they really need a degree to access a particular professional career.

Sorry YABVU

Your child is now an adult and incharge of their own life. It is possible that the helicopter parenting I'm afraid contributed to this mess as he's not ever had to sort his own organisation /communication etc out before.

He needs to use this as a huge wake up call to take charge of his own life and you need to take it as a wake up call to guide him through with a very light hand that you remove fully and let him " fly solo" apart from advice on an adult to adult basis ( as you would with a friend) in the future.

It'll be fine in the end but please let him be an adult !

Your son is presumably 19. Would you think it right to go and discuss his job with his employers if he was in trouble? Would you expect them to listen to you? He is an adult and needs to sort his own problems out.

then a parent may need and will probably want to get involved, not to solve the problem for them but just to help them find their own solution.
By all means, but working with the student, not sorting it out on his behalf with the university. But it is bound to come.

Theask give your head a wobble! 1. No-one requires parents to pay fees - there is a perfectly good loan system for that. 2. Universities didn't decide to charge fees - the Government did.

YANBU. Universities need to understand that in big decisions, parents should be involved if the student would like them to. Considering the lack of contact time on some courses, lack of testing during the course and feedback through the year, Universities are not giving our children a fair deal. Also, they are taught mainly by PhD students. The whole system is arrogant and needs overhauling.

Urkidding - the system is not perfect, however your post is not reflective of the vast majority of programs. In fact I don't know of a single course taught by PhD students unless they are lecturers who happen to be doing a PhD on top of their day job.

Gosh no! Parents dont talk to uni tutors no!!!!

University students are adults

OH my the embarrassment of thinking about if my parents had done this when I was a student!
Nooooooo

Urkidding do you want to know something quite funny. Every year, the parents of our students and the students in the SSLC (Student led committee making recommendations on our courses) say that they want more contact time. I offer, on one course, approximately 50 odd hours contact time, including lectures, seminars, personal tutor time, I'll even see students individually over a few weeks and go through their essay technique if they need it.

Every year, approximately 1/3 attend everything, 1/3 attend in a patchy way, and 1/3 don't attend at all!

We don't let PhD students teach any lectures at all, only run the odd seminar.

Our feedback is exemplary, unfortunately often over 50% of students don't pick theirs up! I email it to them directly so they can't escape.

Unfortunately parents are sometimes not told the whole truth by students.

This may include the real reason the OP's son failed, as failing both first year exams and resits is quite hard to do, as in our institution, you can fail one course without leaving, and the pass mark is set really very low. There must be a reason why he failed, as it is really quite unusual, either partying or mental health reasons or just not able to keep up with the academic requirements. It's that conversation that needs having, as going into a second year having failed the first is only going to exacerbate these problems.

Our feedback is exemplary, unfortunately often over 50% of students don't pick theirs up! I email it to them directly so they can't escape.

Naught more galling than spending time offering carefully considered advice that would allow them to improve their marks with absolutely minimal effort and they can't be bothered to come to the office to pick it up.

Lo and behold, next essay they write has exactly the same problems! It isn't the odd one or two students who do this. It is a sizeable minority.

It's not that unusual to have to resit a year (or one module from a year), probably around 1-2% of students in my field. It's annoying but not the end of the world, the student probably just needs to work a bit harder and party a bit less, and will now have learnt that lesson. Let's face it most 1st year students do very little studying.

Failing the resit might be more of a concern - did he do a decent amount of work before it?

LikeDylan

I have come to the conclusion that students say what they want others to hear, like all of us. They know they should have more contact time, they know they should go and see the lecturer to get personal feedback and pick up their essay to see where they get wrong.

Like lots of us, though, there is a gap between what they know they should do and what they actually do in reality.

I do have some very diligent students, who without exception get the best mark they could possibly get by coming to all the contact hours, reading their feedback and seeking out opportunities for more learning. There are others who literally attend nothing unless threatened to leave by the uni. Most are in the middle, but I bet they tell their parents they are in the first group!