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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to insiat that certain parents accompany their badly behaved children at my sons party

137 replies

caroloro · 12/09/2016 20:19

So. Last year my son had a whole class party (film and popcorn in a village hall) and two boys in particular caused utter mayhem. I had to move them to a different part of the hall in the end. Now, if I invite them this year, I want to make it clear that I want a parent with them. I can't ignore 20 kids to deal with the behaviour of two. Does this seem unreasonable? Also, how would I put it? Due to the behaviour of your son at my sons party last year, if he's coming this year, I need you or another adult there to take responsibility for managing him? Seems a bit rude! These boys rarely get invited anywhere, bless them, so I don't want to exclude them, but honestly, they're veryvery difficult!

OP posts:

Kleinzeit · 12/09/2016 22:09

Hm, they do sound very challenging so there are no easy answers. You can ask the parents to attend but I don’t see how you can insist. What are you going to do if the parents drop them off and go, or send them unaccompanied? It’s easy to say that you don’t want to exclude the boys (I’m sure none of the other parents want to exclude them either) but it doesn’t sound as if you’re really able to deal with them.

thescruffiestgiantintown · 12/09/2016 22:09

The problem with inviting their parents is if the parents don't do anything you're a bit stuck.

What does your son say about it? Does he want them to come? I remember a child behaving awfully at one of my birthday parties and feeling so guilty towards my parents that they'd had to deal with it.

MsJudgemental · 12/09/2016 22:16

He's 10- stop doing whole-class parties! Just have a sleepover for 5-6 best, well-behaved friends. Film and pizza- sorted. Do not stress yourself, and everyone else, out by having badly-behaved children spoiling it.

MsJudgemental · 12/09/2016 22:18

Sorry- don't know why I thought he was 10. How old is he?

Wauden · 12/09/2016 22:20

The kids are not being brought up well and are being ignored and not helped their parents. So I do not think that these bad parents are going to help at the party. They fail their children at home anyway. I doubt that they would accept your suggestion.
Get other people to help or don't invite them.

Ellieboolou27 · 12/09/2016 22:22

Why do some people insist on banging on about SN! fgs they are badly behaved boys!

Op with your update re previous parties and their behaviour (which sounds like bloody hard work) I would defiantly ask parents to attend, you sound like a rational kind of person, if the parents take offence (I'm assuming you won't say something like "your boy is a fucking nightmare so please accompany him if he is to be invited") then their loss, both the boys and the parents.

Corialanusburt · 12/09/2016 22:25

Don't do a whole class party. Their parents won't take kindly to your request for their support.

Original poster

caroloro · 12/09/2016 22:28

MsJudgemental he is 10. He's a very sociable lad and has always wanted whole class parties. He knows it isn't fair to invite everyone (or even all boys) except these two. It's a really small school, 22 is his entire year group, and only 10 of those are boys. I am not doing a sleepover!

What I'm taking from all this feedback is I should either such it up or not invite them. Or focus my party on their needs, which I'm not going to do. We're thinking of doing karina this year, which is a fixed price for ten (so all the boys in the year) which is why I'm wondering what to do. The thought of either of these two driving go karts gives me the willies!

OP posts:

clam · 12/09/2016 22:29

SN aside, why do you suppose that the presence of the boys' parents would help in the slightest? There's presumably a reason why they've got to this age and still think they can behave that way. Chances are the parents would a) not care or b) not be able to do a darn thing about it anyway.

Original poster

caroloro · 12/09/2016 22:30

Karina = karting. Blasted autocorrect.

OP posts:

Original poster

caroloro · 12/09/2016 22:32

Clam, and others who have questioned whether the parents would do anything......it's more so that it's their responsibility and not mine. I think the thing is I am simply not happy to be responsible for their kids.

OP posts:

insan1tyscartching · 12/09/2016 22:34

So get ds to choose 9 from his year group. Doesn't have to be all the boys so you could not invite them and not look mean as you would be inviting fewer than half the year.

mycatstares · 12/09/2016 22:34

That sounds so stressful! I wouldn't invite them. You've invited them for years and each time they have been awful. The fact one laughed in your face is foul, they need to learn If they can't behave they can't come!
Out of interest what did their parents say when you told them how they behaved?

Original poster

caroloro · 12/09/2016 22:41

One laughed nervously and agreed that her son can be a bit high spirited and silly. She has an older son who is calm and polite. The other is completely absent, her son comes in and leaves on the bus so she's never in the playground ever and I don't have her phone number. So she doesn't know. I think I have only seen her a handful of times in six years of school. This is the one who never has a costume, rarely returns slips for school trips, misses out on swimming etc because he hasn't brought his kit.

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 12/09/2016 22:44

The boys behaviour coukd be a safety issue at the cart track, considering you have invited them to previous parties, their behaviour has not even good, I would not invite them.

jay55 · 12/09/2016 22:47

The one with parents who don't support non uniform etc are not going to come even if you ask.

Aeroflotgirl · 12/09/2016 22:52

Op has said there are no Sn issues, she knows the boys, they are not well behaved, at that age they shoukd know how to behave. The parents don't sound supportive, they would not be likely to stay with them and supervise, they will probably see it as 2 hours child free to go shopping or whatever. Considering hat extra information don't invite them.

SandyY2K · 12/09/2016 22:57

I just wouldn't invite them. I know it may come over as mean, but from experience, the parents of the really badly behaved kids are quick to drop and run. They probably can't wait to get away from their own kids.

I don't see why you should do a smaller party because of those 2. I also don't see why you should get another helper purely to deal with their unruly behaviour.

There were 2 boys like that on my DDs class and people stopped inviting them and my DD didn't want to go to their party when she was invited .... saying 'they're too naughty.'

I just passed on the gift to them and said DD wasn't feeling too well.

brasty · 12/09/2016 22:58

I just wouldn't invite them.
And it doesn't matter if some kids can't sit and enjoy a film. That is what your son wanted for his birthday. He should get to do what he wants, not to have to do activities that cater for more disruptive kids.

Yorkieheaven · 12/09/2016 23:03

You sound so nice op you want to invite them so none feel left out. Get that.

However agree with brasty it's your sons party so he should be choosing.

Small schools can be a pain this way

Aeroflotgirl · 12/09/2016 23:03

It's wonder why they don't get invited anywhere. thats life, I am afraid, they are 10, not 5/6, you cannot keep excusing behaviour like that it will do them no favours when entering their teens. Yiur ds shoukd get a party he wants, not a party which fits round these kids.

jcalel80 · 12/09/2016 23:05

He's the sort of boy that is always in his normal uniform on dress up day, rarely invited to parties, doesn't come in with swimming kit on swimming days etc

^^ my son as been known to go school in uniform on non uniform days would loved to have forgot his swim kit birthdays have been a nightmare getting him to go he has autism anything that makes him stand out or draw attention caused him great anxiety

thescruffiestgiantintown · 12/09/2016 23:06

If you're doing karting the people running the track will remove them if their behaviour is unsafe. That wouldn't really help with the food part though.

Aeroflotgirl · 12/09/2016 23:08

Op has said they do not have sn! The behaviour described is that of a badly behaved children! Poring drinks over people's heads, laughing in her face when she tried to address it. She has invited them on 2 previous occasions, and both times they have been poorly behaved.

Aeroflotgirl · 12/09/2016 23:10

Throwing food, playing football with full drinks, pulling cushions from under peeople, poor parenting more like. No no op let your ds have the party he wants, free of this behaviour.

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