To think children don't come in pairs

[MerylPeril]

Going for a day trip yesterday with my BF and DD. Texted DDs BF mother to see if she would also like to come (and keep her occupied) she never goes anywhere also.

Mother texts back to say no because I am not taking her much younger sister and she would be jealous!
They didn't do anything else either, just sat at home.

I didn't have room in the car btw and I didn't want to take her even if I did

She's much younger and the girls don't want to play with her, she would spend the whole day hanging off my arm complaining.....

Why can't I invite one FFS

I grew up in So California and can't count the number of times one of us went to Disneyland with friends or same-aged cousins whilst the other didn't. Sure, we were upset, it was DISNEYLAND!!!, but we got over it because we knew that our turn would come to go with our friends or same-aged cousins.

Kids get over these things, if the parents don't make a huge deal about how 'unfair' it is that one was invited whilst the other wasn't.

Hi again - I seem to have got a few replies. For the record, my DS is an only child. Having grown up with two closely aged brothers, I have seen these dynamics at play. I was the one who always seemed to be invited to these kinds of things and actually saw my brother miss out a lot. My opinions may have come on a little strong last night, I had had a few glasses of wine socially. I think what I meant to say, was that BF was not being completely unreasonable to think perhaps both children could enjoy together and if not they can find something else they can do together. Avoiding resentment is more what I was thinking. In balance though, BF wasn't coming from the best angle if she does not treat your children the same way and take your kids out for nice trips, as well. So if you will all forgive me for back tracking a bit, I think it might have been a little unreasonable not to understand her wanting her kids to do things together occasionally. I would also like to add to the replies where there were 7 kids, no the same principles would not apply there, but that wasn't the scenario we were talking about and of course once size does not fit all families.

Pretty decent of you to backtrack CSUK. I hope it was a good night with all those wines

God bless you dowhatnow - I had a bloody brilliant midweek evening, needed to uncoil. Not a habit of mine in the week at all, but I am really, really impressed with my typing skills whilst I was under the influence.

I can't work like this, CSUK. How are we supposed to have a bunfight? You were supposed to come back claiming you are doing everything together with your siblings and all your cousins to this day.

Shared insights about my relationships with brothers and cousins. Yes, please forgive me for side-stepping that little bullet. Let's just say the person who said I had 'ishoos' was probably just fricking right on. The beauty of an online forum is that it allows people like me to share my opinion. Unfortunately, opinions are as common as arseholes, everyone has one and probably best not shown in public too often, but more likely to happen when I've had a drink than not. Lol. :-D

opinions are as common as arseholes, everyone has one and probably best not shown in public too often

That would mean the end of mn.

The arseholes ???

Maybe she needs older child to entertain little one. Which I do get. Also get wanting to avoid the drama of jealousy tantrum.

However I'd jump at the chance to get 1-2-1 time with child left at home so I'd counter jealousy row with doing something fun with child at home.

Something that never happens because I'm the only parent at home.

Going off away from home is so important for friendships and socialisation. And learning to go off with other adults and families.

Each to their own .....

Rofl

If the older child finds out they're missing fun with their friends because they're expected to entertain the little one, that's going to do a lot for sibling relationships.

Most "children" aren't little cunts and wouldn't make the connection or take it out on their little sibling. They leave that to the adults

Over time they do. Perhaps not a one off but kids aren't stupid. To often have a sibling cramping their style isn't exactly going to make them feel loving towards said sibling.

Really ? I don't think my children resent each other but then they have no style to cramp in the first place as they aren't selfish little twats

I think - with all these things - it boils down to the difference between "not including" and "excluding". Two twins in the same class who are both friendly with the same child? To invite one to a party but not the other is, arguably, excluding one. The one not going will wonder "Why not me?" and will no doubt hear all about the party that his/her sibling and many of his/her friends have been to. Two siblings of different ages? To invite the older one out with HER friend but not her little sister that the friend doesn't know that well? You haven't included the little one, but you haven't deliberately excluded her. I think this ties in with lovelydays as well - there she felt that her DS2 was being excluded as the other boy had decided he didn't want to play with him any more....and I think that's entirely different.

lets face it, there is also the fact that every sibling relationship is different and every parent has emotions about that siblings' relationship. It can be quite a tricky issue.

Some pairs are naturally calibrated so that it's best if they get regular breaks from each other, whether this is because they clash, or fall into dominating/submissive roles or are too similar or too different or any number of things... they may become insperable as adults but they shouldn't be forced to be together yet.

others tend to be more natural companions, which my kids are. DS1 once sighed and said, "you just can't beat DS2".

Add all your parenting emotions into the mix and it's no wonder lots of judging goes on. It's a bit like judging what food other people's children get.

Anyway, so long as all the judging is done safely on mumsnet no one will get hurt.