To think children don't come in pairs

[MerylPeril]

Going for a day trip yesterday with my BF and DD. Texted DDs BF mother to see if she would also like to come (and keep her occupied) she never goes anywhere also.

Mother texts back to say no because I am not taking her much younger sister and she would be jealous!
They didn't do anything else either, just sat at home.

I didn't have room in the car btw and I didn't want to take her even if I did

She's much younger and the girls don't want to play with her, she would spend the whole day hanging off my arm complaining.....

Why can't I invite one FFS

I can see it both ways. If I've planned an afternoon of DIY or something then I want my kids to entertain themselves and if they are both here, it works fine. If one gets asked out, the other is bored and miserable and I end up having to entertain them. So sometimes I say no, esp if it is short notice. With more notice I'd arrange for the one left behind to have a friend round or scrap the DIY or something. Certainly she doesn't have to supply her child to amuse yours if she's rather not.

Why else do you invite someone else's child except to be the company of your own ?

Except as I said. They never go anywhere (even though their able) as their mother isn't interested - so I was also trying being nice.

And if Sunday is family time = watching a box set whilst your children sat on iPads (which is what they did btw), I'll leave them to it. Which is what they do most of the time btw.

Like I said, I won't ask again, I don't have the capacity to take them both every time (I sometimes ask other children too) so there's no point even asking. I think it was the fact she almost tried to make me feel bad that wound me up - if she had replied, no were busy thanks that would have been fine.

I'm a bit aghast at these children who are unable to entertain themselves if their siblings aren't there, to be honest. And at parents who seem so unwilling to spend an afternoon one-on-one with one of their children.

I think it was the fact she almost tried to make me feel bad

What did she say that made you feel bad?

Because if she just asked if the youngest was also invited, having told you several times prior that the children are a package deal, it sounds as though she was just clarify the terms of your request.

My neighbour is like this. My kids play/Hang about with the older child (all lower secondary/late primary age) but she insists on sending her y1 child along too. It angers me.

It angers you? Why?

My brother and I were in the same year group at school, although not twins, we only went out together if both were asked. Otherwise one went and the other just had to deal with it.

It was never a problem as if he went to a birthday party I wasn't invited to I would probably end up going to one he wasn't invited to at some point.

We are two separate people with our friends, personalities and interests it would have been unfair for one to miss out just because the other one had a different friendship group.

Because the older kids disappear out to the park and I'm left with this young child (whose mum says isn't allowed to the park) in tears wanting to play with the older ones. I post them back to the neighbour but feel they are cross for sending the small one home and interrupting their child free time

Unfortunately Distance neither being aghast, annoyed or indifferent makes my children more capable of amusing themselves (believe me, I've tried). I'm generally happy to do stuff with them, but not on the afternoon that I've cleared out the front room and hired a sander.

God, yeah, that's ridiculouness worthy of an AIBU thread puzzled. Poor you.

puzzled If the yr1 kid is anything like mine, she'd be in bits constantly if she wasn't allowed out with the older kids at all. I'm not saying they should be allowed to tag along constantly though.

I think this sort of attitude is unfair on older children. By the time the youngest child is at an age to be invited out with friends the mum won't be bothered about them going everywhere as a package plus the older kid often won't want to hang around with younger kids.
I think if a younger sib gets that upset when the older one goes off to do something different then they need to be encouraged to have their own friends and interests and it can be a good time for the parents to do something age specific with that child. Being fair shouldn't mean depriving the older child of opportunities that will come to the younger child eventually.
I'm amazed how many sibs play harmoniously all the time on this thread. My 2 often fought so having one out of the house doing something with a friend could be peaceful.

If the yr1 kid is anything like mine, she'd be in bits constantly if she wasn't allowed out with the older kids at all. I'm not saying they should be allowed to tag along constantly though.

But why should they be allowed to tag along at all? I understand that they want to but it's not fair on the older kids to have the little ones along, is it? The yr1s will have their turn when they're older.

Why else do you invite someone else's child except to be the company of your own

I don't think you're following. There is nothing wrong with inviting a kid to be company for your own. But you seemed annoyed with the woman for not providing that company for her own reasons. She doesn't owe you the use of her kid to play with yours, if it suits her as well as you then fine, but it doesn't.
I don't agree with her reasons but they weren't what actually pissed you off in the first place.

Empress. If a whole bunch of kids of different ages are hanging around outside your houses, isn't that's fine for a younger child to be out there with them at least some of the time? If the older ones want to go off and explore/go to the park, then definitely not fine, surely? That's all I was saying.

She said

DD2 would be so upset and I don't know how to explain you are taking DD1 out and leaving her out

I didn't have room in my car - she knew that

Urgh, she is turning the screw a bit there isn't she?

I don't think you were wrong to invite the one of them but, given she has said as much a few times, I can't see why you are surprised.

She does sound wet. I don't think speaking to her about it will change that. I think that you'll just have to accept that this is how she rolls. At least she isn't backwards in coming forwards.

I think whether or not its OK for the younger child to be with them depends on what you'd do if she didn't have an older sib. When the eldest was the same age as the youngest what was she doing? If all the kids playing outside are older you probably wouldn't have insisted the other kids let your eldest play when she was little so should they be forced to play with a little kid just because she has an older sibling?
What are all the other kids her age doing? often small kids don't play out as much.
I think if the other kids are happy to have her fine but I don't think younger siblings should be foisted on older ones. They'll get their turn.

We have twins.

DDs best friend is an only one. Her lovely family quite often invite DD to outings in order for their DD to have some company.

DS thinks having us to himself is wonderful.

She could have just explained that DD1 was going out with her friend and that she has different friends and there isn't room for her in the car.
Kids have to learn this sort of thing eventually. Families are made up of individuals.

When you are the sibling of a special needs child, your needs always have to come last - I understand that, and not only have I experienced it in my own family as a child, I have seen it happen in DS's friends' families, too. It's not "fair", but life isn't fair, and you just have to deal with it. Every family situation has to revolve around the child/young person with special needs - that's just the way it is. This carries on through childhood and all the way through adulthood, and the responsibilities siblings carry only increases, not decreases. With this in mind, I think it's really hard if these siblings, who don't get priority in almost any other situation, aren't even allowed to socialise one-on-one with other kids.

It may well be true that the younger sister would be upset but I'm sure the mother could make it up to her if she wanted to. Is a real shame for the older daughter to miss out IMO and the younger daughter needs to learn that sometimes things aren't fair.

DD2 would be so upset and I don't know how to explain you are taking DD1 out and leaving her out

That must be the lousiest excuse I have ever heard.

If it's true the DD2 must be an absolute tyrant.

If not, either she cba to amuse the little one or the elder one actually doesn't want to go.

Really? Is this an actual thing? Does this mean you can't go round to your friends house without inviting along an annoying sibling? Aren't children individuals anymore? Or are these parents viewing the older sibling as a free babysitter to keep their sibling entertained?