To think children don't come in pairs

[MerylPeril]

Going for a day trip yesterday with my BF and DD. Texted DDs BF mother to see if she would also like to come (and keep her occupied) she never goes anywhere also.

Mother texts back to say no because I am not taking her much younger sister and she would be jealous!
They didn't do anything else either, just sat at home.

I didn't have room in the car btw and I didn't want to take her even if I did

She's much younger and the girls don't want to play with her, she would spend the whole day hanging off my arm complaining.....

Why can't I invite one FFS

when your kids have SN lots of things change Yorkie. Your family's needs become a bit more specific/unusual.

We're a bloody great family :)

It is very rude. Like when your DC invites a friend to a party and the sibling comes too. Fuck off, he/she is too young/old and wouldn't enjoy it. Also, for younger siblings, I charge £4 an hour for childcare!

No, YANBU at all. She's being ridiculous and a lazy parent. If you were a relative, showing regular bias toward one child over another, she'd have a point but this is completely different. Shame she didn't take the opportunity to enjoy some special one to one time with her youngest.

Lovely yea completely take your point and was tongue in cheek. If I could have stalked mine at uni I would have

Shame for DDs friend to miss out on so much because of her mum's attitude

Parents I know usually see it as an opportunity for a rare bit of one to one time with the child left behind. I know I do. In fact any one of my three is delighted to be home alone (with a parent)

As a one-off, if a parent was busy - half-working, doing a bit of DIY or something, I can see how it is easier to have two at home to occupy each other. As a general principle, I think it's weird.

thanks Yorkie

it's probably because that would leave one dd alone with nothing to do and she would have to entertain/organise something.

if the two dds play nicely together i bet her life is very easy. maybe she had lots of things to do and needed to be able to get on with it.

but YANBU.

A few times she has mentioned how much her elder DD would have loved to go somewhere we've been (we try to take DD out a fair bit, she rarely takes hers anywhere), almost suggesting we should have taken her!

To be honest - I don't think she wants to be at home with one, the pair occupy each other, but seems a pity to deny a child a day out.
I know the younger one will soon get asked to things where people won't want an older child tagging along too.

As an aside I have a friend with identical twins, they have separate friends and go out with them alone.

I won't ask again, especially when I don't have the room.

I agree, I think she wants both children around to entertain each other.

Posted too soon. Very selfish attitude though. Unless there is a very good explanation.

they just had a really strict philosophy about the siblings doing everything together

That's ridiculous though. So when DD1 got too old for Brownies DD2 would have to leave as well? Surely it would fall apart when DD1 hit secondary anyway?

Children are individuals with their own friendship groups. Trying to make sure your children never do anything on their own for fear of upsetting siblings is quite frankly, barking.

The two kids across the street are about 11 months apart. The oldest, a girl is in my DD's class. The boy is also good friends with DD although their friendship is mainly based around doing thinks like riding bikes or building lego.

The two are rarely apart and it's rare for one to be invited without the other. However, next week is DDs birthday and we are going to Legoland. DD asked the girl to come with us but we don't have the room (or money) to take both. Thankfully mum has said that's fine and I will bring back a little present for their son. I would have felt upset on DDs behalf if she had said no because the son couldn't go as well.

We did take both kids out with us all day yesterday though. Three of them non-stop chatting all day. It was great.

I have heard it before, a child nearly didn't come to my sons birthday outing for this reason.

tiggytape

Those Brownie parents are actually being unfair to their children. If the older one always has to wait for the younger one, then she'll always have had less time or chance to do anything.

These parents, and the one in the OP are just being lazy and not teaching their DCs properly. What happens when they get to secondary? There are year specific trips at our school. Would they insist both children had to go? They are storing up future problems here.

I have had to tell a friend in no uncertain terms that "we come as a four

Sorry but I can't stand this. You hear it from people that are outraged you aren't inviting their children to a wedding, or grown up party, or won't have siblings come to a kids party....it comes across as unbearable smug and creepily close knit.
Do you go to work with your children as well? Are they allowed to do anything alone?

I know when you have a child with SN its harder (I do too) but I think thats even more reason to encourage the other child or children to have independent outlets and friendships. IMO its unfair to them to insist they aren't allowed so anything wirhout the whole family.

I have turned down the odd playdate, mainly co its leaves DS2 in a fairly shit position, neither are BU

You have the right to invite one child - other mother has the right to decline but not to imply blame on you for not taking both children
Where we live there seems to be a dominance of families made up of 2 or 3 of the same sex - and the way in which parents manage this is varied - some insist both brothers must do everything together eg attend the parties of those the other boy was invited to despite their being plenty of family members available for babysitting etc others are very keen for the children to do different things and others are sort of in the middle.

I suppose I must be sort of in the middle then. There is less than two years between ds1 and ds2. They go to the same school and play in the same playground and, because they are great friends (most of the time) they spendmast of their freetime together and share friends.

So it's rare that one gets an invite to go anywhere without the other. Occasionally it happens and when it does it's no skin off my nose.

I think I'd be a bit weird unreasonable if I was engineering situations where I insisted one went off without the other as much as if I insisted they could only travel in pairs.

^^ sorry, mistakes everywhere in that post, no thanks to ds3 who, unsurprisingly never makes the invite list.

I know someone who does this. She declined party invites if both weren't invited or went to elaborate effort to make sure the younger one didn't know the eldest was going to a party etc - crazy! Children have to learn that they don't always get doing whatever their sibling is doing

I once took the younger one out while the biggest was at school and was told afterwards by their mother that the eldest was very disappointed to miss out and I would have to then do something with her to make it up to her! I only had the younger one because I was asked to babysit Obviously I didn't agree to any more babysitting after that.

DD is an only so we often invite a friend along for her. Her best friend is a twin but we don't ask both twins as DD doesn't really play with the other one.

It's never been an issue and the twins' mum is happy to have one to one time with the other twin.

People are individuals. So they should be treated as individuals.

As others have said you are passing on your problem to the other mum! You want your DC occupied, and she wants her younger DC occupied and I think in most families, Sunday is family time.

My kids had their own friends and went out seperately. I was one of 3 and don't recall ever all going somewhere with a friend's parents. Cars just aren't that big. Still she is free to decline the invite. She'll realise they are individuals as they get older and won't be doing this when they are teenagers