To be severely annoyed at DD?

[worriedmother1929]

Last night DD17 went to an 18th birthday party. Myself and DH said she could drink a bit, but asked her not to get too drunk as her half dithers and their partners & children were coming over for a BBQ today, and we didn't want her to be hungover for a family occasion, and this would be her first time drinking alcohol in any large volume. She texted me this morning to ask if I could bring paracetamol and water to her when I went to pick her up (she slept over) and she was hungover beyond belief when I got her. I asked her what she had drank and she said nearly an entire bottle of some sort of strawberry drink, with a pretty high % of alcohol.
She's come home with a smashed phone (thankfully only her screen protector), multitudes of bruises on her legs from bumping into things and falling over, and has possibly re-injured her ankle which she sprained in April.
I'm disappointed in her for ignoring what DH and I said, as she was a mess at the BBQ and put a dampener on the entire afternoon, but I'm also disappointed that she didn't even think about what she was drinking and just seemed to fill up on whatever was at hand. I'm also disappointed that she has put herself at risk, and damaged something my husband and I bought for her. I understand teenagers drink, and do sometimes go OTT, but when I asked her to reign it in she ignored me and did something I had explicitly asked her not to.
AIBU to be annoyed with her?

Last New Years Day I didn't get up until 7.30pm because I was so hungover. I was 45

And once again Mumsnett feels the need to attack an poster with insulting comments rather than advice. How original.

The op has been advised she is unreasonable, plenty of reasons why, how this is normal for teens, personal experiences, etc. Op has chosen to ignore it all (and now seems to have disappeared, what a suprise). It's not MN being insulting if the op refuses to take the general consensus aboard.

She sounds delightfully normal. Having a hangover on a Sunday reminds me of my own youth (I don't drink at all now) but I had to get up and sing in church too. My brothers and I would all go back to The Parents' house every Sunday for lunch. If one of us were hungover, it was a source of general amusement and mickey taking. The Parents joined in too, a little. No question of 'disappointment', that is soooo patronising it would have probably encouraged me to drink even more.

She's 18. If she gets drunk now, she's doing more or less safely, and will learn what her limits are herself.

Italian..it's all very well coming on here all preacher like but the fact is a 17 year old still won't listen to your "be safe" crap.
Your experiences that you wrote about earlier..well there's loads of nice, caring folk about so it probably wasn't odds against you that a nice man helped you. I had loads of nights out in other towns my parents thought i was having sleepovers at my friends house..ha! I was friends with a bunch of guys and they always looked after me.The best lessons were the ones I learned myself. But the OP's way of writing hasn't come across well so that's why the response may seem harsh. Imo she's living in a dream land and still want to control and punish.

I'm going through this with my 15 year old, you're very lucky she's only started this at almost 18, cut her some slack!!

Edmund I know some people have given great advice bit why aibu always need to get rude to the OP? I think most op's just genuinely want to talk. Aibu always seems to get so personal in a way that dies not seem helpful. (Edmund my previous comment was not to you at all)

Is the OP asking for advice? I thought she was asking if she was unreasonable to be 'severely annoyed' with her daughter (to the extent that she insisted her DD keep returning to the family dinner table after every time she vomited - 4 times - rather than letting her go to bed).

I see no request for advice on how to talk to her daughter about safe drinking anywhere in her posts, just a desire to have others echo her self-righteous indignation that a 17-year-old doesn't know her alcohol tolerance the way she and her husband do (presumably after many more years of trial and error).

Yes, I think you need to let her recover and then in a few days sit down and talk about the problems with alcohol. Let her explain where she thinks there was a problem. Let her ask questions about how she can limit the amount of alcohol when she's not sure of what she is drinking. Talk to her about what to do if her friends get very drunk - eg put them in the recovery position and call parents - don't worry about consequences. Talk to her about the vulnerability of being drunk - you are much more likely to be sexually assaulted. Also, falling and hurting yourself or falling into a road.

All this needs discussing with teens and drink.

Once you have discussed it with her she then has to choose what to do with that info. Tell her you won't be mad if she needs to call you in the night to come and collect her if she has drunk too much or if she is in a tricky situation and needs to get out of it. Also, talk about what to do if her friends walk off and leave her somewhere.

It's best to be open and talk rather than berate her with her mistake/disappointment. Otherwise she won't discuss any of it with you, won't call you when she needs help, won't have all the information she needs to stay safe and make the right choices or get help when it goes wrong (which it will as she is a teen).

She's asking others to judge her daughter. She's not asking for advice on how she could have handled it better.

whiskey are you sure s 17 year old won't listen to my safety crap? Would you not want to Gove the safety crap just to be sure they heard it? Did you tell your 2 year old not to touch th Mr stove or your 7 year old to be careful on the roads? Why is it different? Of course you can give the advice on a good/better way. Maybe my way is clumsy. I was indeed lucky but the night I got on a strangers motorbike I could easily of not been so great (I was 30) I just wish our kids could learn from our mistakes and not need to make them themselves.

I also think alcohol is so accepted in our culture (no, I'm not teetotal). I just think the assumption we will all get horribly posses and make massive fuck ups is a shame.

bipbip Maybe I am wrong in assuming she wants advice. I am always looking at these threads because my own dd is approaching her teens (almost 12 now). Maybe I am projecting my ow. thoughts onto the thread. It has been known to happen!

Posses should be pissed! Sorry on phone and it keeps correcting me!

I'm amazed that at 17 she's never got that drunk before. You sound way too uptight. Give her a break and let her be a teenager.

Whisky you may well be right, I guess I am quite protective of my dd and just sad that girls do need to be so on the ball. My friend's daughter has her drink spiked. It just seems a minefield.

OP - aibu
All - yes
OP - no I'm not.

I kinda get why your daughter didn't listen to your instructions. You sound totally uptight.
Don't be surprised when you are posting about not having a relationship with her in a co

Yabu. She's 17, she had permission to drink. She just doesn't know her limits yet. I'd have let her go to bed tbh

italian I suppose I only mention that because I think that's why posters are focusing on her reaction rather than the general issue of drinking safety. The OP wants to know if it's reasonable for her to be in a huge fury about her daughter's behaviour. People are more or less saying, no, the level of anger here doesn't really seem proportionate or appropriate. Particularly when the big issue for the OP seems to be her daughter's disobedience, rather than the preservation of her health and safety.

Couple of years.

Lighten up
Stop being so sanctimonious and pious.

The first time I got pissed at 15 my parents just laughed at me, a) because they also remembered being a teenager and b) the vomiting and hangover was punishment enough.

bipbip I am sure you are right. as I say I may well be projecting my own thoughts onto the thread! I do that sometimes!

It took me until until I hit 30 for that magical 'if you drink anymore you'll spew' switch to flip when I have my 5th unit of alcohol. So yeah... I'm fun to be around but not if I'm on my 3rd pint or halfway through a bottle of wine because I'm done.

17 yr old me could keep going and often did! I drank a ridiculous amount. Only ever threw up 3-4 times but that's because my mother taught me what to do if I drink to much and how to deal with a hangover. paracetamol. Water, little and often unless I'm vomiting then drink more. Sleep a lot and when up to eating eat something salty. she also taught me to alternate my drinks and if needs be lie that I'm drinking vodka and coke not just coke to save face. She was not daft. She knew she could not stop me but she could arm me with the right tools.

So now grown up me makes sure to have a big 12 pack of quavers, a carton or 2 of pineapple juice, a pack of ramen noodles and a box or paracetamol handy before I even go out on a night out. yes my hangover cure kit is weird but it works

OP, you need to remember very sweet alcoholic drinks really don't taste boozy and you often drink an awful lot more than if it was whiskey straight up or a pint of lager. Perhaps you should've taught her this or maybe if you really wanted her to not drink so much you should've provided her with alcohol and mixers and told her this is what you can drink. Drink any more you will throw up. To me this is coming across as some test for her and you set her up to fail and you've punished her cruelly for it.

I'm impressed it's taken her until she is 17 to get into that state. Thinking of my younger 14 year old self

I have never got so drunk that I ended up with bruises or spent the next morning feeling sick. I realise this is very unusual.

My husband is 40 and he got very drunk last night at a family party and made a complete idiot of himself and I'm still sulking at him today for ruining the night for me with his stupid behaviour. Seems like some adults don't know when to stop either so I wouldn't expect a 17 year old to be able to do so.

If it was my 17 year old son I would have sent him to bed and that would be that.

Yes, I think you need to let her recover and then in a few days sit down and talk about the problems with alcohol. Let her explain where she thinks there was a problem. Let her ask questions about how she can limit the amount of alcohol when she's not sure of what she is drinking.

Do you have teenagers?

You must send them to bed in the recovery position in case they vomit.
I suspect my 17 year old gets drunk regularly. Her last FB profile pic she looked wasted. All I have done is rant about personal safety and water drinking. What else can you do?