If a teacher sends ill child to the office they should call parent, not inspect their lunchbox

[FamiliarSting]

My daughter is 7 and has just started in year 3.
On Friday morning she was feeling a bit ill, temperature of 38 ish, so I gave her some calpol and sent her in, telling her to see how she goes and to tell the teacher if she was still feeling unwell.

When she got home on Friday afternoon she was much worse, temperature of 39.6, she said she’d been feeling awful all day. She told her teacher in the morning, who apparently told her to see how she feels later (fair enough), she still felt bad in the afternoon so her teacher sent her to the office. I’m not certain what happened next, but the deputy head teacher was involved, she apparently asked to see my daughter’s packed lunch, to check how much food she had eaten, and from this concluded she was not unwell enough to go home, or even for me to be called.

I am very annoyed. I am not sure what time she was sent to the office, but it was before PE and assembly, so she then spent at least another hour minimum in school feeling very unwell. If the deputy had time to go and inspect her lunchbox surely there was time to call me? What does how much she ate have to do with anything? And how was she even able to tell how much she’d eaten as she didn’t see it when it was full. For the record she ate a cheese sandwich made with one slice of bread, and some strawberries and blueberries. I didn’t give her much that day so all that was left were a few crisps that I put in a box and some nuts.

I don’t know what to do now, but I’ve lost confidence that school will contact me if there is a problem or my children are feeling unwell. Is it because she’s in year 3 now? Even so, surely if the class teacher decides she seems ill enough to send her to the office they should contact me?
Would I be unreasonable to not let it go and to talk to the school about it? But what do I even say to get my point across without seeming arsy or becoming ‘that parent’.
Her attendance at school has been good the past 2 years (they sent a snotty letter home when she was in reception as she was ill a lot)

I don’t want a confrontation but I want to be reassured that if she’s feeling really bad they’ll call me.

• should be taken and children should be listened to.

And who are you precious parents who don't send their child into school because of a slight temp - don't tell me you don't work, easy then isn't it

And some illnesses turn out to be very minor (eg slight cold with minor temp that comes to nothing my dd often has those) and go away almost as soon as they've come.

So in those cases a day off school is a waste, it's not always easy to tell. Nice to see this backed up by a childcare professional further up thread who actually knows what they're talking about and doesn't sound totally rude and judgmental.

Children can go downhill fast.

Exactly. So she could have deteriorated between seeing the office lady and getting home later.

I haven't read full thread (sorry, this may have been mentioned already).
I think checking the lunch box by the deputy head may not have been simply to check how much was eaten. They were also probably checking for any 'whiff' or evidence of having eaten something that had gone off. It is what most parents would do when trying to work out what may be causing illness, but could be offensive to a parent. After all, they were unaware of the temperature prior to lunchtime.

My DGD school has a policy whereby if your child has a temperature of more than 37.5 degrees Celsius (99.5 Fahrenheit) you must not send them into school.

Any temp over 37.5 is a fever. Over 38 is considered to be a high fever and indicates an infectious process going on somewhere. It is actually quite irresponsible of you to send your child into school with a high temperature. Whatever is wrong with them, whether it's a bacterial or viral infection, is likely to be transmittable and you are simply spreading the infection to others in the school.

More to the point, your child needs to be kept at home quiet where they can rest, where you can monitor their progress closely and ensure that they get lots of fluids, etc. What if your child was actually developing a more serious infection, such as meningitis? The condition of your child could dramatically alter over the course of 4 hours. It is grossly unfair to put the burden onto the school of deciding just how ill your sickly child is.

Let's be honest, here. If you are a working parent, it is a nightmare when young children succumb to frequent ear and respiratory infections and force you to either use up your annual leave or make alternative (and often expensive) childcare arrangements. However, the school is not a medical centre and it is not their job to monitor poorly children. It's yours. Suck it up and stop blaming the poor school for dumping on them.

Of course children buck up when you give them Calpol/Brufen; that's what the medicine is meant to do - provide symptomatic relief. But it is not a cure and the effects only last a few hours before they will feel ill again. And it may not help at all if something more serious is going on. Which is why they need to be AT HOME where you can monitor them. You. Not the school, where they are TEACHERS and not PARENTS nor DOCTORS.

So just to understand, the school did what they could, in the absence of you bothering to share information with them such as "she was a bit off when she woke up so I gave her calpol, pls call me if she doesn't feel fell", to try to determine if she might actually be unwell I.e. Didn't eat any of her lunch.

Meanwhile if she'd spiked a fever an hour after arriving at school and the office hadn't been able to get through to you, and they made a decision to give her a dose of calpol to see if said fever responded to a dose of calpol, you'd have just been responsible for them poisoning your daughter (paracetamol is toxic and does damage your liver when too much is taken). Unlikely scenario I know but come on, you couldn't ring the office after you left to share this info?

So yes, YABU but worse IMO, dangerous not to inform any adult at school that you've given a dose of calpol because accidents do happen and kids fall ill just as quickly as they improve.

'Children can go downhill fast'

Not being unreasonably unsympathetic but
why pass the buck and send to school then?
Sending a child in who is showing early signs of illness that warrant medication is unreasonable to the child, unfair on the other children (and parents) in the school and adds an additional burden to the schools functioning.

Said by full time not working from home Mum of three.

As a First Rider one of the first things I ask is when & what was the last thing you ate.
It makes absolute sense to me to find out those facts. If your daughter was to need hospitalisation the paramedic/doctor would ask about her last meal, so they needed to know just in case.
It shows they know what they're doing in my eyes.

*Aider not Rider

I would be very upset. As a nurse I know that how much you eat does not reflect on how I'll you are. A temp that would need treating asap. I have little faith in schools, and actually caring for my child and having the common sense to call me if my dd needed anything. I would show them some information on sepsis, it's a real killer and needs treating fast.

You seem to be placing an awful lot of responsibility on the school here. I'd consider it your job, as the parent, to keep the school informed of current and historic health issues/ concerns and then the school have an appropriate cram of reference - and have more chance of acting a cording to your wishes!

"Frame" of reference rather

A child can equally either not get any worse and it's nothing and not worth missing school over or can go downhill. It's hard to make that judgment call sometimes, if your child seems fine otherwise is it worth them missing school? I've been through this with my dd who has been fine and certainly not unwell enough to stay at home. The school should be responsible if a child gets worse and should take their temp then call the parent.

On the other hand what if your child had nothing wrong with them and got ill at school, would it be ok again to not call the parent. Ok yes the parent should mention their child is a bit off colour to the teacher. I've done that with my dd and told them what I've given her. Some parents on here are being aggressive and rude towards the OP and they need to get down before they fall off their very high horses.

And to those who work. My work are absolutely not sympathetic if I have to have time off which I had to with my DS as he was ill quite often when small. Making that judgement call from all aspects is not easy.

You sent her in to school when she was ill - you didn't want to put yourself out for her but expect a school to do the parenting for you. you the parent have already decided that she is well enough for school - it is not a school's place to overturn that decision t=at whim - they know that parents work and cannot come rushing to school at the drop of a hat - they were trying to help - next time, be sure that your child is well enough for school before you send her.

I already said I would happily keep her home at the first sign of illness but that's not the way the school works.

It was the first term in a new class, she didn't want to miss anything. Yes I judged her well enough for school based on how she was in herself and the fever being a low fever (for her). Many times she's running a fever and I'll only notice when I feel she's warm so check out of curiosity. 38 is rarely a big deal for her, and doesn't stop her playing/eating/annoying her brother. In reception class I kept her home for every fever, she'd often perk up and clearly be fit for school but the fever often remained. And then we got the letter saying her attendance must improve after just 8 days off (not all together)

Yes I feel guilty now for sending her in when I should have thought F the school and their letters, but she wanted to go in and I honestly just figured it was another mild mystery illness she gets (yes we've been to the doctors many times and it's always just a virus..) I should have anticipated that it could get worse but with no other symptoms I just didn't as it rarely does.

I have acknowledged that I should have informed school that she was a bit ill, and I know that would have avoided all of this, but whether she was ill when she went in or not, it doesn't change the fact that her class teacher thought her ill enough to send her to the office but she was then dismissed as well based on the contents of her lunchbox. That was what I wanted opinions on. Would the replies have been different had she been completely fine in the morning?

She told her teacher she was unwell in the morning so her teacher was aware of this anyway. But I am not dismissing my responsibility to inform school and obviously I always will from now on!

Thanks to everyone that gave insight into school procedure re lunch food checking/sending kids home and actually answered my question rather than just focusing on how horrible I am for sending her into school in the first place.

I'm a teacher. This is such a tricky thing. I almost always err on the side of caution and inform parents/send the child home but I have been told off by parents several times for doing so "s/he was fine in the afternoon once we were home....there's nothing wrong with them." It is a bit of a minefield to be honest and very easy to get it wrong.

The most difficult thing as a teacher is when the parent comes in with the child and says in front of them "she's not feeling 100% but I told her you'd call me if she feels worse." This means that seconds after the parent leaves the child will be saying "can you call my mum?" regardless of whether they feel worse or not!!! That will continue every few minutes all day!

Anyway, in summary, they did make a mistake this time, I don't blame you for feeling annoyed but it is a hard call and definitely not something to be too livid about. Hope she feels better now poor thing.

Sorry I should have clarified, I ask parents to tell me out of earshot of the child or to keep them at home if they think it's likely they'll feel worse. It's a tough call for parents and teachers really.

Familiar Sting, it appears from the comments on this thread that you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. As you point out in your last post you asked a simple question but instead your parenting was picked to pieces, often by posters who hadn't read your posts properly or at all.
General consensus seems to be to ignore the school's policy re attendance and their notes!
After decades of experience as a parent, school governor, and other professional I found that ed professionals are a motley lot -- most dedicated but all individuals with their own agendas and preconceptions regarding children and parents and their motives etc so each year is pretty much a new ball game re you and your DC's relationship with the teacher and what you can expect . Best advice I can give is to get involved with the school as much as your time allows. Once seen as a "person" and not just a parent your views are more likely to be taken into consideration and you are less likely to be regarded as a precious parent. My experience as a parent was not in this country so maybe harder to get involved here?

The most difficult thing as a teacher is when the parent comes in with the child and says in front of them "she's not feeling 100% but I told her you'd call me if she feels worse." This means that seconds after the parent leaves the child will be saying "can you call my mum?" regardless of whether they feel worse or not!!! That will continue every few minutes all day!
How do you know they don't feel worse?? And why don't you ring their parents if that's what they asked your to do?

If this happens again and you can't have a quick word with the teacher then go into the office and tell them and they can send a note in the register for the teacher. That way the office know then that your daughter may be sent to them later on in the day. My sons school send them home even if they feel sick. They ring and tell me that he's been sent to the office and I need to come for him.