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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If a teacher sends ill child to the office they should call parent, not inspect their lunchbox

174 replies

FamiliarSting · 11/09/2016 14:41

My daughter is 7 and has just started in year 3.
On Friday morning she was feeling a bit ill, temperature of 38 ish, so I gave her some calpol and sent her in, telling her to see how she goes and to tell the teacher if she was still feeling unwell.

When she got home on Friday afternoon she was much worse, temperature of 39.6, she said she’d been feeling awful all day. She told her teacher in the morning, who apparently told her to see how she feels later (fair enough), she still felt bad in the afternoon so her teacher sent her to the office. I’m not certain what happened next, but the deputy head teacher was involved, she apparently asked to see my daughter’s packed lunch, to check how much food she had eaten, and from this concluded she was not unwell enough to go home, or even for me to be called.

I am very annoyed. I am not sure what time she was sent to the office, but it was before PE and assembly, so she then spent at least another hour minimum in school feeling very unwell. If the deputy had time to go and inspect her lunchbox surely there was time to call me? What does how much she ate have to do with anything? And how was she even able to tell how much she’d eaten as she didn’t see it when it was full. For the record she ate a cheese sandwich made with one slice of bread, and some strawberries and blueberries. I didn’t give her much that day so all that was left were a few crisps that I put in a box and some nuts.

I don’t know what to do now, but I’ve lost confidence that school will contact me if there is a problem or my children are feeling unwell. Is it because she’s in year 3 now? Even so, surely if the class teacher decides she seems ill enough to send her to the office they should contact me?
Would I be unreasonable to not let it go and to talk to the school about it? But what do I even say to get my point across without seeming arsy or becoming ‘that parent’.
Her attendance at school has been good the past 2 years (they sent a snotty letter home when she was in reception as she was ill a lot)

I don’t want a confrontation but I want to be reassured that if she’s feeling really bad they’ll call me.

OP posts:
EllaHen · 11/09/2016 16:03

I'm also surprised at the nuts being allowed.

I think the school did the right thing with the information they had.

BizzyFizzy · 11/09/2016 16:04

Double standard here.

You sent her in with Calpol, but are annoyed that the school had a similar attitude.

Checking appetite is a pretty good gauge of how a child is really feeling. Her high temperature is probably due to the Calpol wearing off.

The school was doing you a favour by not bothering you.

abbsismyhero · 11/09/2016 16:06

my boys school tell you to send them in even if they need calpol they give them another dose at lunch time to cover them the rest of the day

a high temp is nothing with my son and even the doctor said it is a sign something is wrong but it is also a sign your body is dealing with it so there is no need to be of school for "just" a high temperature

bumsexatthebingo · 11/09/2016 16:07

Sending in a child who seems well in themselves after painkillers isn't the same as keeping a child in school who has alerted staff they feel unwell.
My kids school would expect you to send your child in for the morning if they were able to work even if they had to be sent home again in the afternoon.

clam · 11/09/2016 16:13

keeping a child in school who has alerted staff they feel unwell.

Trust me, children do this all the time!!! We have 450 kids in our school. We'd be on the phone to parents all day if we acted on every "alert." Mostly, a little TLC is all that's required.

Beeziekn33ze · 11/09/2016 16:16

At Y3 if the teacher is not available in the morning a note explaining how your daughter felt, her temperature and the Calpol dose would have helped. A few years ago a Y3 child came in with a Capol sachet and I was asked (by parent with HT's agreement) to remind her to take it at 12.00 and watch her do so. No problem, then!
With hindsight you probably should have checked at dinner time but she hadn't been sent to the office then so it wouldn't have changed anything. The DH probably thought staying the last hour was all right but they or teacher should have brought your daughter to you at home time and told you how she had been.

bumsexatthebingo · 11/09/2016 16:17

I'm aware some kids try it on as I mentioned in my pps. I have worked in schools and I know that sometimes 'see how you go' is all that is needed. But when a child is persistently complaining of being unwell and has been sent to the office and would obviously feel very hot to the touch a parent should be called.

crusoe16 · 11/09/2016 16:18

YOU sent her to school unwell. If you thought she was well enough, why shouldn't the school??

LouBlue1507 · 11/09/2016 16:19

YABU

BarbarianMum · 11/09/2016 16:19

abbsis but what your doctor is saying is nonsense. A high temperature is a sign your body is fighting an infection. It gives no indication that the fight is being won and generally what you need at that point is rest to help things along. And if it is a virus which is causing the temperature, then you're likely infectious at this point so going into school and spreading it is a doubly bad idea.

Ameliablue · 11/09/2016 16:19

If you felt she was well enough to go to school I don't think it would be reasonable to them complain to the school keeping her there.

pepperpot99 · 11/09/2016 16:21

Your dd was ill but you sent her into school and said "see how you go"

The teachers said the same thing and you are annoyed with them. Hmm

They checked her lunchbox to see if she had managed to eat anything and you are even more annoyed with them.

You have "lost confidence that the school will contact me if there is a problem" yet you already knew of the problem - her illness - and still sent her in to school.

You are actually taking the piss. You decide not to deal with your child's illness yet moan when the school doesn't do it for you. Unbelievable. Is this a wind up?

Squaffle · 11/09/2016 16:21

Definitely ask for the policy (which the school will definitely have and are obliged to give you if you request it or any other policy). I work in a school office and it's really tricky when children are unwell. However, sticking to the policy means that everyone is clear. Hope she's feeling better x

Cocochoco · 11/09/2016 16:22

I'd have given her teacher a heads-up that she was a bit unwell so she was in the picture. My dd frequently went to the office saying she was poorly and they used to ring me straight away - it happened most weeks at one point. I told her teacher that she was faking and they are much stricter with her now.

I think it's very hard for schools to make this judgement.

bumsexatthebingo · 11/09/2016 16:23

Are people unable to understand that children may get worse thoroughout the day - either just from deteriorating or because medication has worn off. The simple fact that the op sent her dd in doesn't mean the school should, in no circumstances, send the child home if she gets worse.

BarbLives · 11/09/2016 16:25

If she ate a full lunch and it was only an hour or so til home time, then it sounds like the school did fine.

Next time she is ill enough to need medication, keep her at home.

HateSummer · 11/09/2016 16:25

38°C is fever. You sent her to school with a fever? She shouldn't have gone to school at all.

Original poster
FamiliarSting · 11/09/2016 16:25

Can I just stress that it is not the class teacher I am annoyed with. She was the one that sent my daughter to the office, after, I assume, seeing her deteriorate throughout the day.

To everyone that thinks it’s was terrible that I sent her in with a 38 degree temperature, for her that’s usually not a big deal, one dose of calpol in then morning and she usually perks up and doesn't require more. I was quite sure this was the case, I was wrong, but a few times when I have kept her off with a low fever she was clearly well enough to be in school after an hour or so. But yes, a fever is a clear sign that it’s more than just a slight cold and in future I will definitely be contacting school in the mornings if I send her in with a mild fever and be less concerned about her attendance level when deciding whether or not to keep her home.

Again, if I kept her home every time she had a fever, we’d be getting constant attendance letters, but so be it I guess.

Thanks for the replies and different perspective.

And thanks, Bumsex, that's really how it is

OP posts:
clam · 11/09/2016 16:26

Are people unable to understand that children may get worse thoroughout the day
Yeah, we're all clearly thick as shite and only you 'gets' the full issue. Hmm

Sillybillybonker · 11/09/2016 16:28

You should have told them in the morning that she was unwell and asked them to ring you if she got any worse.

clam · 11/09/2016 16:29

And thanks, Bumsex, that's really how it is

Ah yes, 60 people telling you YABU, and you pick out the one person who agrees with you. Anyway, it's not really how it is. All your irritation/fury could have been avoided if you'd just told the teacher she was under the weather.

Ego147 · 11/09/2016 16:30

I have sent DS in when he's been 'a bit off' but am not sure. It's amazing how a quiet routine can keep them going.

I have told the teacher and have checked during the day. Generally no news is good news.

It's a tough call to make - for everyone involved.

YoungWillieMcBride · 11/09/2016 16:34

Yes, children do get worse during the day, of course everyone understands that. The problem here is that, as far as the school was aware, she hadn't got worse during the day and she wasn't still ill after the calpol had worn off.

As far as they were concerned, she'd come to them with a bit of a temperature after lunch and, in most schools, that's about 2 hours before the end of the school day. A bit of a temperature that came on in the afternoon with only 2 hours to go often would be treated differently to a temperature that had been there all along, but had previously been treated with calpol.

donajimena · 11/09/2016 16:35

I've sent my children in with a dose of calpol before. Not often but when you are not sure which way it will go.
I've never been phoned to collect either so they have indeed perked up.
I don't agree with checking a lunchbox either. I've been ill a few times and its come on in the afternoon. At this point I've more than likely eaten a full breakfast and a good lunch too.
You aren't automatically ill first thing in the morning.

bumsexatthebingo · 11/09/2016 16:36

Then why are people saying that the op sending in a child who was fine after some Calpol and presumably wanted to go in is exactly the same as the school keeping an unwell, boiling hot child in school?
Some of you must have kids who go to schools that are very lax with attendance. We regularly get letters that basically say if your child is not vomitting/covered in chicken pox they need to be in and the school will send them home if need be.