To think the whole pregnancy thing could be altered?

[DerekSprechenZeDick]

This whole pregnancy thing is shit ain't it? Let's be honest

They are made in a fun way (if you are lucky) but then 9 month of just shit.

I think pregnancy should be fun and have perks. Instead I'm stuck in bed due to pelvic pain, a baby who appears to be an athletic octopus and heartburn that makes me want to rip my chest out.

I would like to grow my baby attached to me but be able to unattach should I fancy a piece of shark or a rum.

So I could unstrap the bump, strap it to the dad and I could have a break. The bump would be more like a side car maybe

What would you change about pregnancy?

[FKat2016]

Hello! I have a question for OP/any other pregnant women who found out very late:

I can understand no symptoms or bump and using contraception would lead you to think you wouldn't be pregnant, but were you not aware of the baby moving? I'm 27 weeks and have an anterior placenta but even with a thick placenta covering my front I have felt (and seen) movement for weeks, did you not notice any strange lumps and bumps randomly appearing and disappearing?

[LellyMcKelly]

Id like to go to the Bahamas for the last few weeks, and then come home when somebody phones me to say the baby has been delivered

[TT10677]

I'd make it possible for men to have all the same symptoms so they are more sympathetic! And I'd make all the fertility problems disappear for those lovely ladies who would love a baby but can't. If only it were possible...

[irelephant]

This thread is making me cross my legs.

Which isn't going too help the TTC.

[PickledLilly]

I'm 40 weeks pregnant. I hate everything about it, I've barely slept in months, I've got dreadful SPD and backache and have had since about 18 weeks. I basically live on paracetamol.

My three year old has turned into a monstrous devil child, I hate my partner and cannot fathom why I wanted to have another child with him anyway. It's all shit and I hate everyone and everything and everybody thinks it's just your hormones instead of accepting that they are acidly being wankers.

Then there's the heartburn, and the endless bloody growth scans which keep telling me it's a normal sized baby (nearly 8lb apparently) in a small bump - that's because it is squashing all of my internal organs to fuck! And I too am a midgety 5ft so I feel your pain on the carrying extra weight/bump on a tiny frame just not designed for it.

Did I mention EVERYTHING IS SHIT? Oh and people who are all glowy and enjoy pregnancy should fuck the fuck off.

[PickledLilly]

[Hassled]

My pregnancies were actually fine until DC4, who was like karma for the fact all my previous pregnancies had been fine. I got into work early each day - walked past colleague Andy, say good morning, get into the loos, vomit, go back past Andy who was oblivious, say "nice weather" and on we'd go. Then I had to wear some sort on insane belt (which I still have somewhere) to hold the bump up because my stomach muscles had thrown in the towel and otherwise the baby woudl have been dragging between my knees - god it was shit.

But Derek - glad you're OK. Or at least sort of OK.

[GreatFuckability]

FKat i didn't see/feel any movements. even once I was aware, there was still nothing. with my other two pregnancies I also didn't feel anything until very late and never had much of a bump with any of them. its just how i carry, if there had been lumps poking out of my stomach at any point, clearly I would have noticed/seen a doctor!

[NovemberInDailyFailLand]

What Lilly said.

Also, writers of articles entitled 'Nine Magical Months' need to be Ended.

[FKat2016]

GreatF, thanks for message! That makes sense. I find it really fascinating (and terrifying) that our bodies can just take things into their own hands, behind our backs, without us having the slightest suspicion!

[scarednoob]

are you moody? sore boobs? crampy? tired?

have you got PMT? are you pregnant? is it perimenopause?

who knows, let's give them all the same symptoms and let you have fun guessing! who designed that, ffs?!

[scampimom]

The nausea. I could cope with the ligament pain resulting in needing a walking stick, the mastitis, the carpal tunnel syndrome, the nosebleeds, the tiredness, the torn skin, polyhydramnios and nail psoriasis I got in 2nd and 3rd trimesters, but the weeks of relentless, constant, debilitating nausea when even the smell of water would make me feel sick - that's the bit I just can't face again.

[DerekSprechenZeDick]

No movements here either Til a few week ago. Now she's grown all her 8 limbs it's all she does

Oh the nosebleeds! What's that about?

[StillaChocoholic]

I think as soon as anyone finds out they are pregnant they should be able to check into a pregnancy home where everything is done for you, all cravings are satisfied and you don't have to lift a finger. So even when you're feeling shit and knackered everything is sorted for you.

I'm 11 weeks today and already someone has touched my belly! It's not like there's even a frigging bump to touch!

[DerekSprechenZeDick]

Only person to touch my bump is my son who is obsessed with the idea of a sister and my mum

She keeps telling her to wait and to come near her birthday so she can have it off workz

[DerekSprechenZeDick]

The heart burn tonight is ridiculous. I feel like I'm been punished for something

[PeppaAteMySoul]

Just been signed of work because of stupid hypermesis. Fantastic. What am I supposed to now? Time will go even slower until this baby is here!

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

That doesn't sound fun . Would eating some ice cubes help?

[PeppaAteMySoul]

I haven't tried eating icecubes will give it a go. Thanks. I just want this baby out. 11 more weeks! That's what they should invent- pregnancy that only lasts a month at most that gives you no nasty symptoms and only makes your skin all glowy.

[DerekSprechenZeDick]

I'm awake and eating a bowl of Frosties. I opened my eyes and it's what I wanted

[Silversun83]

I hated being pregnant on the whole. The first two weeks after finding out were filled with anxiety, the next 24 or so with constant severe nausea, and the final 12 it was back to anxiety... So, why with a four-month-old DD am I yearning to be pregnant again?!

[SharkBastard]

8+2 and the nausea is just getting fucking worse. The tiredness is also not fucking welcome here either.

Silversun, what is wrong with you?!?!?! 4 months and you're wanting to step back into the horror of pregnancy? You're a better woman than I

I'm existing mainly on Mug Shots and Pot Noodles. Neither good for me, both propping me up in order to drive 40 minutes to work. I've had to now take dog shit bags in my bag to have something to throw up in if the need arises during my commute.

What a time to be alive...

[BikeRunSki]

Shark Pregnancy Sickness Support - this website may be helpful. You know your GP can give you anti sickness mess? Different ones had different effects on me.

[SharkBastard]

Think if it gets worse, I'll head to the GP. Getting pretty bored of feeling like poo all the time!

Thanks for the link, will take a look

[TooExtraImmatureCheddar]

Instead of shitty SMP at less than minimum wage all women should get a You Have Brought A Child Into This World bonus of about, ooooh, £10 grand each. Then they should get their normal salary paid to them for a full year of maternity leave as well.

Also there should be a magic deal where once the baby is born a big ping goes off and your body snaps back to how it was pre-birth. Stretchmarks - gone. C-section apron - gone. Extra weight - gone. Residual SPD - gone. Breastfeeding ability would be the only thing left, and everyone would have it and there would be no tongue-tie/bleeding nipples etc.