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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder (obsessively) why someone would un-tag herself from a fb photo?

140 replies

MerchantofVenice · 09/09/2016 19:49

Just that, really. I posted a completely unremarkable, cute pic of my ds. I tagged my friend, because we spent the day with her and her girls. The pic was only of my ds - but it's quite normal to tag the people you were on the outing with, surely?

I just don't get it. I'm sure I did tag her - but now there's no tag on the post. What are the reasons for doing this? Is she ashamed of being my friend? ? She's commented on the pic, saying what a nice time we had at the park. .. So why remove the tag? Is this a thing? Am I going mad?

OP posts:
MindSweeper · 09/09/2016 22:51

merchant the @ so and so is the best way to direct photos to your friends without tagging them as actually being in the photo. so when you go on facebook and upload a photo, it allows you to post a status sentence with the photo. Instead of tagging a friend in the photo, just write 'lovely day with @friends name' or whatever and it'll tag them in that without tagging them in the photo

user1473282350 · 09/09/2016 22:52

Just re-read your post.

I would have untagged in case anything on your photograph or timeline gave away my location.

Psycho ex issues for me.

americaandhawaii · 09/09/2016 22:52

I am definitely possessive of my timeline and do not allow anything on it that I don't give permission to post - there is a function for this. I don't want people posting stuff like petitions for animal activist type protests or yes even someone else's child would bug me. I get a lot of silly connections to a certain dog breed that I happen to like and it drives me nuts.

I will confess that I undo it just around my birthday just so that people can post directly as it is irritating to get the messaging thing instead.

fastdaytears · 09/09/2016 22:53

I get notifications every time someone posts in my son's PTA page... but I don't unsubscribe; I just sort of... ignore it

You shouldn't get a push notification for that (with the pinging on your phone etc) but it might come up in the right hand corner on the globe thing. It's generally the ones that come through to your phone that aggravate people.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/09/2016 22:55

I don't let myself be tagged on pics - it makes me really uncomfortable. I don't want pics of me on FB unless I actually post them and also get pissed off with the notifications. It's quite an intrusive thing to do and I'm really surprised that you weren't aware of why someone would do it.

Original poster
MerchantofVenice · 09/09/2016 22:59

user I'm glad you re-read my post, because it's annoying getting snide comments from someone who hasn't reas the original info...

As for 'because she doesn't agree we posting photos of minors' - she has many pictures of her own children up on fb so it can't be this.

I get that a random pic might be an annoyance. .. but how is it a perfectly decent, unremarkable photo of someone else's child cause for panic? How is it different from your child's picture in the paper? Or on a school website?

Finally, yes, I do get actual notifications on my phone from PTA group.

OP posts:
fastdaytears · 09/09/2016 23:01

Finally, yes, I do get actual notifications on my phone from PTA group

You can turn that off. That would drive me nuts thinking I had a text when someone just wanted to say they found a jumper somewhere.

EverySongbirdSays · 09/09/2016 23:01

I would have untagged myself too - odd of you to do in the first place. I do however have a friend who is super annoying in the reverse of this.

I rarely use Facebook and will maybe post things once or twice A YEAR. My best friend, however will go to GREAT LENGTHS asking me not to post x, y or z on Facebook because she doesn't want her extended family to know x, y, z, and it's ALWAYS a case of :

a) I wasn't going to anyway
b) Literally no-one gives a fuck, including your family
c) Why are you so paranoid?
d) STOP BEING A DRAMA QUEEN Hmm

Original poster
MerchantofVenice · 09/09/2016 23:03

OK some of you must have LOADS of fb friends bugging the hell out of you!

I'm just friends with actual people I know (PTA aside). So I don't suffer in this way.

It does seem odd that some people sign up for a social network that's all to do with connecting, but then get really irate when people connect with them...

Lol to the re-doing settings before birthday simply because the alternative methods of birthday greetings are even more annoying.

OP posts:
fastdaytears · 09/09/2016 23:04

I guess it's more that there are a lot of people on there who I wanted to connect with 10 years ago but now not so much, and I can't bring myself to cull...

user1473282350 · 09/09/2016 23:04

Snide comments?

Hmmm - I gave you two plausible reasons why she may have untagged your photograph. Both reasons that I would have untagged it for.

Perhaps in future you need to explain all the details in full, how are we meant to know she posts photographs of her own kids from your post? Or that you didn't tag the actual photograph.

Ameliablue · 09/09/2016 23:07

Has no one ever posted a link to an event and tagged you in the post as in 'are you interested in this?'? Is that intrusive?

This is a post hate of mine as it is quite often a public post that people are tagging. Better to share our send a link to someone than tag.

Original poster
MerchantofVenice · 09/09/2016 23:09

Well, by the time you'd commented user I had actually explained one of those! And I said snide because of your tone - the supercilious way you implied that posting pics of 'minors' is weird when it totally isn't! There are perfectly normal images of children all around us.

everysongbird you see, that's just it - it isn't odd to tag someone. At all. I've just been on fb, and every other post is 'Had a great time at x with x. Some have photos in addition, some don't. It's so common!

OP posts:
PortiaCastis · 09/09/2016 23:09

I ditched fb it causes too many problems. Don't miss it at all

Pseudonym99 · 09/09/2016 23:11

Bloody Facebook. People take it so seriously. Get a grip. I'm glad I grew up before the Internet existed.

BarbaraofSeville · 09/09/2016 23:11

It is fine for people to wish me happy birthday on my timeline. What is not fine is people posting and tagging an unflattering photo, saying I was in a particular place or with certain people or tagging me in crap 'share if you hate cancer' bollocks memes.

user1473282350 · 09/09/2016 23:15

Actually, I think the most plausible excuse why she has detagged you cos you're a bit of fluff wangle.

Your post was right above mine - I'd actually typed out a much longer reply and then shortened it - your post was not posted when I was replying.

Most of my friend group are against posting photographs of children on social media after a particularly fucking nasty experience. You may be totally cool with potentially giving peados access to your children's photographs - others chose not to take that risk at all.

Original poster
MerchantofVenice · 09/09/2016 23:15

Ok just to reiterate, I didn't post a photo of my friend.

Yes, I worded it wrong in the OP.

I am grateful for people telling me that what my friend did was normal. So essentially IWBU.

But I maintain that if you're on fb (amd therefore haven't eschewed the whole social network thing) it's positively NORMAL to tag friends.

Good night!

OP posts:
Meadows76 · 09/09/2016 23:19

But I maintain that if you're on fb (amd therefore haven't eschewed the whole social network thing) it's positively NORMAL to tag friends.

Yes, in pictures of themselves. NOT in pictures of your child Confused

Ameliablue · 09/09/2016 23:21

I suspect far more people with Fb accounts don't tag than do.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/09/2016 23:24

I have nearly 1,900 FB 'friends' and the only time I'm tagged in a pic is in happy Christmas messages.

You do know there are other ways of 'connecting' than tagging people in pics, don't you? Seriously who bloody does that? Hmm

windygales · 09/09/2016 23:28

Personally I wouldn't worry about Facebook too much

MindSweeper · 09/09/2016 23:29

No it's not normal to tag people in photos that aren't of them. The whole point is to click on their face and tag them as being in it.

That's why there's the other option, as I have described.

GabsAlot · 09/09/2016 23:30

op i know what u mean when it comes up who youre with and u tag them

people are jumping to the wrong conclusion

she prob just idnt want certain people to know where she was or somegthing

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 09/09/2016 23:38

In most cases when someone tags me (usually in the "with" sense rather than me being in the photo sense) I do approve it to go on my timeline, but there are times when I decide not to. I only get tagged a handful of times over a year though, with a couple of hundred FB friends, so I would say it's not all that common in my circle. This is all I meant by I decide what goes on my timeline. Equally if people post on my timeline, rather than tagging, I might delete the posts. I delete the birthday ones later for privacy reasons, my birthday isn't shown on FB but people remember and post, which is nice. It's not that I don't want to engage, just that I want to maintain control over my online presence.

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