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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder (obsessively) why someone would un-tag herself from a fb photo?

140 replies

MerchantofVenice · 09/09/2016 19:49

Just that, really. I posted a completely unremarkable, cute pic of my ds. I tagged my friend, because we spent the day with her and her girls. The pic was only of my ds - but it's quite normal to tag the people you were on the outing with, surely?

I just don't get it. I'm sure I did tag her - but now there's no tag on the post. What are the reasons for doing this? Is she ashamed of being my friend? ? She's commented on the pic, saying what a nice time we had at the park. .. So why remove the tag? Is this a thing? Am I going mad?

OP posts:
WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 09/09/2016 20:04

I have tags set so I have to approve them before they go on my wall, I am very picky about which ones I accept. I wouldn't accept a photo of someone else's child, I just can't think of any reason why you would.

TheWitTank · 09/09/2016 20:06

I would assume you had tagged me accidentally.

NoTractorsAtTheTable · 09/09/2016 20:07

I'd go further and unfriend you if you did that to me. If the photo isn't of the person, don't tag them.

Original poster
MerchantofVenice · 09/09/2016 20:10

Ok guys. Errm thanks.

Yes, I hadn't thought of the fact that sometimes you have to approve tags first -that makes sense. Had forgotten that.

Thanks for the helpful responses.

No thanks for the aggro ones. Guess it's par for the course. How do you know what security settings aren't tight btw? This was about her settings, not mine?

Also, those of you who immediately jumped down my throat (think that's just a pavlovian response to seeing any new post on AIBU for some people? ) - you do know that the tagging thing produces a little 'with [friend's name]' phrase, don't you? So you're not actually saying the photo is of them - you're saying you were, literally, with them. But I get that for some people that is, um, very upsetting, to judge from some responses on here.

Anyway, reassuring to hear that my friend is behaving quite normally.

OP posts:
ChasedByBees · 09/09/2016 20:12

I would also I tag myself. Mainly because all my friends would see that as a picture of 'me' and it wouldn't be.

Mamatallica · 09/09/2016 20:12

I agree with the previous comments, you are the one who is weird, your friend has every right to untag that picture and any others she chooses.

TheGruffaloMother · 09/09/2016 20:13

Well, that was a disproportionately arsy response. Someone been on the wine?

SabineUndine · 09/09/2016 20:14

I hate having my photo on the internet, I find it very intrusive. There are about two photos of me on the net that I know of, and I'm not named in either of them. So if someone tagged me on FB I would be untagging too.

user1468841624 · 09/09/2016 20:14

No one jumped down your throat.

We just pointed out that we thought you did something strange.

Eviecat83 · 09/09/2016 20:14

YABU I'd untag myself too, as would most people I know!

JudyCoolibar · 09/09/2016 20:15

That "with" thing in the tags still implies that you are talking about people who are with your child in the photo. Maybe she just thought you'd tagged her by mistake.

megletthesecond · 09/09/2016 20:15

I'd untag myself too.

user1468841624 · 09/09/2016 20:16

" you do know that the tagging thing produces a little 'with [friend's name]' phrase, don't you? So you're not actually saying the photo is of them - you're saying you were, literally, with them"

That's your interpretation. My interpretation is that it says that when there is a photo that actually shows you/others "with them".

When you tag you get a box that appears over people's faces so that you can tag who is in the picture.

Rozdeek · 09/09/2016 20:18

This isn't strange at all, nearly every single person I know on fb does this Confused

MN is always snarky about anything fb related OP.

BarbaraofSeville · 09/09/2016 20:18

I've set my facebook so I have to approve tags of me because I got fed up of my facebook being cluttered up with the sort of shit that other people were tagging me in.

I allow very few tags and if anyone tagged me in a picture of their child I wouldn't approve it. I think it's just a fucking weird thing to do to tag other people without their consent.

user1468841624 · 09/09/2016 20:19

Maybe it's a hun thing Grin

IonaNE · 09/09/2016 20:19

YABU. I'd also untag myself in this case.
Why on earth would I want a photo of your child appear in the Fb feed of my friends?

Rozdeek · 09/09/2016 20:20

user

That's not correct. When you put a photo up you click "tag friends" and it says "who are you with?" and you get a list of all your friends.

Rozdeek · 09/09/2016 20:20

I don't know any hunz either.

Barefootcontessa84 · 09/09/2016 20:21

Likely she thought it was a mistake, as I wouldn't have thought someone would tag a photo of me if I wasn't in it. Saying that you were 'with' someone is different from tagging a photo.

Original poster
MerchantofVenice · 09/09/2016 20:22

It's Friday night, Gruffalo... of course I've been on the wine...

Actually, I think some people did jump down my throat. That's the thing with AIBU I guess. Someone said they would unfriend anyone who did that on fb. That's quite nasty. Some one referred to a photo of my child as 'random shit'.

I asked a question that has no bearing on your life. It is not remotely threatening or hostile to ask my question - and yet some people were really hostile back.

But, just to clarify, do you have some different version of fb where tags don't result in a 'with x' thing? Saying you're with someone doesn't mean they're the subject of a photo? And, incidentally, I did mention the friend in the actual post. The photo was just one random illustration of the day out. It happened to be of my child (mainline because I wouldn't randomly post pics of her children, obviously).

Totally ready to accept I'm over-thinking it, yes. Not too ready to accept all the pointless aggression, no.

OP posts:
helenatroy · 09/09/2016 20:22

I untag myself on things all the time. It's one thing to be photographed and quite another to have it posted without your say so.

CrotchetQuaverMinim · 09/09/2016 20:23

for me it would be because of all the notifications, which would come up for her as well, as someone 'tagged' - all of your friends liking or commenting on the photo. I'd keep thinking something interesting was happening, and it would be just someone else liking it. Even if it hadn't happened yet, I'd still untag myself just to avoid it.

I might not want all my friends to see photos of your child, or know what I was doing that day - nothing to do with being ashamed of you, but just personal choice and privacy. She can decide for herself whether she wants everyone to know things like that.

You might think your settings are tight, but you've just shared your child's photo with all of her friends too, and she perhaps doesn't think that's a good idea for whatever reason.

She just doesn't like being tagged in a photo that isn't of her - when people look at her profile and the bit about 'photos of xxx', your child's photo will be shown instead, and maybe she doesn't want that.

She just basically uses facebook different that you do or than you think she should. Perfectly fine.

You sound very defensive about people telling you, in a perfectly normal way, that it's pretty usual not to want to be tagged in a situation like that.

fabulous01 · 09/09/2016 20:24

I hate being tagged.

TheGruffaloMother · 09/09/2016 20:24

People are getting confused between tagging into a post ('with' them) and tagging faces in the actual photo. But with either, it appears on the person's timeline so with them not being in the photo or mentioned in some way, still irritating.