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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder (obsessively) why someone would un-tag herself from a fb photo?

140 replies

MerchantofVenice · 09/09/2016 19:49

Just that, really. I posted a completely unremarkable, cute pic of my ds. I tagged my friend, because we spent the day with her and her girls. The pic was only of my ds - but it's quite normal to tag the people you were on the outing with, surely?

I just don't get it. I'm sure I did tag her - but now there's no tag on the post. What are the reasons for doing this? Is she ashamed of being my friend? ? She's commented on the pic, saying what a nice time we had at the park. .. So why remove the tag? Is this a thing? Am I going mad?

OP posts:
user1471440938 · 09/09/2016 20:25

I untag myself from photos on principle. If I'm in it Ill have refused permission for it to be uploaded cos I don't want my image online and if I'm not in it why the hell would you tag me? It's bloody rude and attention seeking. If I was there or you want to highlight something to me mention me in the comment, if not it's none of my business

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 09/09/2016 20:29

I am another untagger...just because.

What really pees me off is that it's not possible to untag yourself from comments.

TheGruffaloMother · 09/09/2016 20:31

OK, if you did actually mention her, it's a bit less weird. There asre still plenty of valid reasons to untag though. Like she might not want someone knowing where she was / that she wasn't in work, she's picky about what goes on her wall, something in the picture was embarrassing, something in the post itself was, she feels you tag her into too much stuff, she feels like other people tag her into too much stuff... Loads of explanations.

FWIW, I don't think you not liking people's responses is the same thing as people being nasty or hostile to you.

Original poster
MerchantofVenice · 09/09/2016 20:32

helenatroy my friend isn't in the photo, therefore I haven't posted anything of her without permission (besides her name).

Realise the notification thing might be annoying though. That's true.

I feel better about it now - thought it was weird because in my group of friends we just don't untag each other! We're not generally big fb users and don't have millions of notifications pinging everywhere. it's all quite low-key, so no-one ever objects.

So now I know.

OP posts:
MindSweeper · 09/09/2016 20:32

I'd find it really odd if my friend tagged me in a photo of their kid.

If you want to show photos of the day you make a post and do the @their username thing, you don't tag them in it.

chocolateworshipper · 09/09/2016 20:33

If she's a teacher, it could be because she doesn't want any photos of any children on her timeline

fastdaytears · 09/09/2016 20:35

you do know that the tagging thing produces a little 'with [friend's name]' phrase, don't you? So you're not actually saying the photo is of them

You do know that's a status with a photo attached and not a photo...

Normal photos you would tag the actual person in it, somewhere near their face generally.

No one jumped down your throat. You massively overreacted.

SaucyJack · 09/09/2016 20:44

Does she have a problem with other people posting pictures of her children?

I absolutely don't, and TBH I'd find it a weeny bit arrogant if I'd been out all day with someone who tagged me in a pic of only their kid instead of a group shot of every child/person who'd been there.

Just to put another perspective on it.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 09/09/2016 20:45

The notifications thing shouldn't be an issue, you can turn notifications on and off for any post individually, I do that all the time. I just don't like the presumption that someone can post something onto my timeline, it might be only a photo of your child, but I choose what goes onmy timeline.

I also don't think some people realise it opens up the post to all the tagged persons friends.

MindSweeper · 09/09/2016 20:46

OP If the photo shows up in her photos, and if you hover over it and it comes up with her name you've tagged her as being in the photo.

You're supposed to post the photo and in the status part just put @theirname

fastdaytears · 09/09/2016 20:50

If you click on "pictures of [detagging former friend]" then you should just see pictures of her. If you mention her in a status with a picture attached then that just means that you want her to see it. either way it'll turn up on her timeline.

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys · 09/09/2016 20:57

OP I don't think it's weird that you tagged your friend.

Like you say, it comes up with their name at the top of the photo, as though you are talking to them when sharing the photo.
I recently tagged my cousin in a photo of my youngest DS at a family wedding. She thinks he is really cute so I tagged her in a photo of him dancing.

Shock!

helenatroy · 09/09/2016 21:00

Sorry op, just re read post. I wouldn't worry about it. She might just have untagged by accident. Either way I wouldn't worry.

DollyBarton · 09/09/2016 21:05

I have friends on Facebook I don't see often or stay in regular touch with. If I was tagged on the photo of a child you can be sure I'd get messages of 'your son is so cute' and 'long time no see, late congrats on your child' and stuff like that. There is a function to add someone to a picture as 'with' you. You don't tag them!!

CrohnicallyAspie · 09/09/2016 21:46

There is a slight issue with random tags... I remember logging in to Facebook in an Internet cafe on holiday. Because we were logging in from somewhere entirely different, we had to pass security checks. One of the checks was 'who is this photo?' Along with a multiple choice answer.

Of course, the computer algorithm didn't know who/what the photo actually was, only the people who were tagged in it. So we were faced with eg a tree and asked if it was Fred, Bob, Stuart or Kevin!

MrsJayy · 09/09/2016 22:18

Some people just dont like tags or checkins to every part of their day surely you realise that ? You dont need to tag everybody for everything.

allnewredfairy · 09/09/2016 22:30

Maybe now she's viewed it she's untagged it. I would be happy to be tagged in a friends photo as I would think it's been done to draw my attention to it... but then I would untag as I wouldn't particularly want a pic of a friend's child on my page (unless I was actually in it)

GingerbreadGingerbread · 09/09/2016 22:31

You only tag who is in the photo she probably thought you did it by mistake. I would un tag a photo if I wasn't in it too!

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 09/09/2016 22:35

I understand your definition of "with x" in a photo but it is completely different from my definition. To me it means "DS with X in this photo right here" not "Photo of DS when he was out with X that day" (your definition)

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 09/09/2016 22:35

If you actually tagged her in the photo, that's a bit odd and she would surely untag just to keep her "photos of me" section actually relevant.

If, as I suspect, you tagged her in the post, which happened to have a photo attached, I can see your point. I would presume she doesn't want others to know where she was or what she was doing - which is unlikely to be to do with you. You can't currently control who of your friends see tagged posts from friends easily, which isn't hugely helpful. I've hidden things from my timeline for similar reasons.

roasted · 09/09/2016 22:36

If you go to her profile, how many pictures are there? Is she the sort to have only a handful or hundreds and hundreds?

Back in the day when I used FB, I would untag myself all the time. I hate photos of myself and I would find it even weirder to be linked to a photo that wasn't even of me.

I wouldn't take it personally, OP.

Johnny5isAlive · 09/09/2016 22:41

Is she someone who rarely posts statuses? I don't often update my FB with activities as I don't want to bore people with my crap.
Maybe she's the same. She may be embarrassed at declaring to people she spent an afternoon eating ice cream at the park with X, y and z. I would do (and have done) the same as her

Original poster
MerchantofVenice · 09/09/2016 22:46

Mrs Jay I certainly don't tag 'everyone' for 'everything' - why would you assume that? I hardly ever do. People have done it to me when I've been present at a party or whatever. The only time it annoyed me was when a friend tagged me in loads and loads of her daughter's birthday - each onecame up sseparately on my time line. But still - I just left it because she's my friend!

Perhaps I shouldn't have said 'tagged' in the OP. I don't mean when you actually hover over the faces on the photo and taf like that. I mean tagged in the post, which happened to have a photo attached.

Thanks again for the helpful responses. I do realise that un-tagging is a normal thing now. It's just that most of my friends don't do it! I get notifications every time someone posts in my son's PTA page... but I don't unsubscribe; I just sort of... ignore it.

A few posters seemed v possessive of their timeline ('I decide what's on it...grr'). Do you get like that when people post directly to the timeline for, say, your birthday? Or are people too scared to do this? Has no one ever posted a link to an event and tagged you in the post as in 'are you interested in this?'? Is that intrusive? Again, I say 'tagged' because this action is denoted by a little tag symbol, whether or not a photo is involved.

Of course, in the old days of fb, you only posted directly onto timelines because there was no 'newsfeed'.

But what is this @so-and-so? Must admit this has passed me by. Thought that was Twitter not fb?

Anyway, as I've said, quite pleased that the un-tagging is not weird. But some posters have tried to turn it round to say I'm BU simply for mentioning (ok 'tagging') my friend in a post. Someone even said I was 'arrogant' for choosing a photo of just my child to accompany the post. What drives someone to post that comment? Seriously?

OP posts:
user1473282350 · 09/09/2016 22:50

Because she doesn't agree with posting photographs of minors on facbeook?

Maybe she didn't want people to think it was her child.

Meadows76 · 09/09/2016 22:50

Yeah I would untag. Anyone looking at my timeline would see under 'photos of me' a pic of someone else's kid. Tbh you should be more careful than to allow random strangers access to pictures of your kid. I had a freind who used to tag me and about 11 other people every time she put up a pic of her kids, I deleted her in the end as I didn't want to be tagged in someone else's life.